I searched the website and did not see anything on this subject.
This may seem to be a question with a very obvious answer, but after a lot of introspection, for me there are multiple answers. Some have more to do with psychological and emotional elements than anything else.
When I was young, I was horny, saw providers, got the physical satisfaction and release, repeated as necessary.
After being married for 28 years, another reason is that the SO is not as young or attractive as she used to be, and neither am I. After reading the forums on TER and seeing pictures of the many providers in the Los Angeles area, I was stunned at the sexiness and beauty of many of these women. Spending some time with any of them would be a tremendous turn on after 28 years with the same person.
Another obvious reason is the age difference. I am in my late fifties. Almost all of the providers would be younger, prettier, sexier, more energetic and overall more desirable than someone my age. Seeing a twenty-something provider is easy; in civilian life it would be almost impossible.
A less obvious reason is that over 40 years of male adulthood, there have been many "missed opportunities." There were chances to make love to ladies that I did not follow up on because of shyness or inexperience. I have seen pictures of providers who remind me a bit of some of my missed opportunities from the past. I would have a chance to revisit the past and "change history" for a better outcome.
My biggest realization is that many men spend much of their lives aware of the women that they cannot have. These include celebrities, relatives, teachers, magazine pinups, your mother's friends, your SO's friends, your SO's sisters, the young and sexy ladies at work.... the list is endless. There are dozens of providers in the LA area who could be substitutes for all of the above categories.
Variety. Men seem to be programmed to desire multiple partners. Many women do not understand this, but it is how I have always felt.
After a short fling with a coworker years ago, I discovered that I got a tremendous ego boost and sense of pleasure from being in public with a sexy, beautiful woman. I have looked back on my time with her as one of my best memories. Society says that your favorite memories should be of your wedding day or the birth of your children, but this is not true with me.
I also have felt that I really have not gotten my "fair share" of erotic pleasure with women, especially the attractive ones.
I think that it is an ego boost knowing that I have recently spent at least an hour with a passionate, attractive woman when a good looking young lady frowns or turns away after you smile at her or say hello.
I know that some men see providers to do things that their SO or girlfriend refuses to do. This is not valid for me, although I think that it may be a compelling reason for many men.
The downside of course, is only having a limited amount of money to spend.
The dinner dates have been fantastic and nothing like being with the woman who is turning heads...BCD play was cake under the icing.
If you are a guy, I can't imagine why you would need that question answered!
-- Modified on 9/28/2007 3:06:14 PM
-- Modified on 9/28/2007 3:07:10 PM
Ahhhhhh to have the forbidden fruit- as old as the bible!!!
I am a newbie, only seen a provider in a few times recently and have been asking myself why over and over again with answers ranging from
1) I've gone totally off my rocker
2) I'm incredibly stupid putting everything at risk
3) It's exciting
4) It's awesome
5) The research, the planning, the risk, the casing out the situation on arrival for safety is all kind of exciting
6) These ladies are really amazing
I could go on and on- but am trying to stop myself from asking these questions and just enjoy!
How's this answer? Courtesy of a friend of mine. Regards boats, airplanes, and women. If it floats, flies, or f*&ks, it's cheaper to rent it. Thanks, Tommy !!!!!
Getting married seemed like a good idea at the time, plus I got a lot of pressure from my mother and my grandmother, and threats to break off the relationship by my fiance. There was also no TER 28 years ago.
but it turned out to be the title of a pretty good essay. I can say that most of your reasons apply to me (and I'm only a few years younger than you). I'm definitely going with:
- "the SO is not as young or attractive as she used to be" (check)
- "and neither am I" (check)
- "providers would be younger, prettier, sexier, more energetic and overall more desirable than someone my age" (check)
- "missed opportunities." ...a chance to revisit the past and "change history" (check)
- "many men spend much of their lives aware of the women that they cannot have" (check. I like this way of expressing it)
- "Variety." (check)
- "ego boost knowing that I have recently spent at least an hour with a passionate, attractive woman" (check. And for me, it sure helps the "women I cannot have" issue if I can look at a beautiful woman walking down the street and think, "I've been with someone as beautiful as that." )
There are only a couple I might differ with:
- "I really have not gotten my "fair share" of erotic pleasure" (By the standards of most men, I probably have, but that's not stopping me. I've also gotten my fair share of ice cream. Care for a sundae?)
- "ego boost and sense of pleasure from being in public with a sexy, beautiful woman" (For personal reasons I don't typically do this. Only a few times when I was pretty sure I would not be recognized, and even then it made me a bit nervous.)
I'd add a few reasons, most are common:
- it's relatively hassle-free. I don't have the time or emotional energy for a mistress.
- the anticipation. Looking at her pictures and reading her reviews. Knowing I have made an appointment. I think about her a lot in the intervening days. Driving to meet her and visualizing what we are going to do together. Getting to her hotel a bit early and finding a nice Men's room to clean up in. By now, this is so Pavlovian that I sometimes get a little thrill if I happen to be in a fancy hotel or conference center Men's room, even when I am not meeting a provider. Maybe it's the air freshener they have in those places.
- acting out the fantasy of meeting someone just for sex. Sure I like to chat a little bit, and I've gotten to know a few providers more fully, but I really want the sex. If she can convince me that she can't wait to rip my clothes off, if she kisses like she means it, if she moans a little bit when I first grab her ass, she's got me.
- the memories of doing it, afterwards. I've gotten more than my fair share. So sue me.
filmat11
-- Modified on 9/27/2007 8:36:15 PM
When I started this thread, I thought that I would start out with two or three reasons. This is an obvious question with what appears to be an obvious answer, but it is a lot more complex, especially when most of your life is in your past and not in your future.
Some of my friends have had only one woman; some have had many more, but probably less than a hundred. I want to experience life to the fullest in this area, and TER is making it possible.
I was hoping to get some additional reasons, and I totally agree with all of yours. I especially like your last one: the memories.
The orgasms are great, too.
I can only speak for myself.I'm 54,short,pudgy, and going bald.I got sick of being the "big brother" to so many girls.I was good enough to give and/or loan them money;buy them dinner; have a shoulder for them to cry on;but when all was said and done they always ran back to their lazy;abusive;$6 an hour(or more likely their $0 an hour)boyfriends.Oh before I forget;they usually had one or more children fathered by this asshole too.I have been single all my life and have worked 34 years at a big buck union job that I actually ENJOY doing.I have seen only one provider in my life and I see her on a regular basis.I finally got the nerve to call an agency about 3 months ago and the rest they say is history.She is a saint;warm,friendly,100% FS and does dinner dates for free.She even brings things from her garden and kitchen for me to give to my mother.Romance,no;true love,no;but this relationship works for me.
Please I do not need all the "boy you have been a sucker or loser" comments;I've already heard that enough...LOL
The men on TER seem to fall into a few basic categories:
A) The "Variety-Craving" Horndogs
B) The Fearful cheating Husbands ("We don't need no stinkin' pre-nup")
C) The "I-Can't-Get-Laid-To-Save-My-Ass" Losers
D) The "My-SO-Won't-Rim-My-Ass" Perverts
E) And of course the "Lonely desperate Traveling-For-300-Days-Per-Year-And-My-Wife's-Probably-Fucking-The-FedEx-Guy-While-My-Children-Smoke-Crack-After-School-Because-They-Have-No-Male-Role-Model" Traveling Salesmen. Busy executives who work 85 hours per week and consequently can't remember what their wives' vaginas look like also fall into this latter category, whether they travel or not.
So there you have it. Which one are you? LOL
LOL...i have to say that those who fall under category "D" would be my favorites...i like to know i'm truly fulfilling a need. 
Thanks. Can you think of any other categories? I'm clearly a "C."
A and B. After 28 years and two grown up children, I'm not fearful anymore. Thirty five years ago, it was my reason number one: I'm horny, I'm horny, I'm horny!
I most definitely "A". I love my wife. The sex is great, but I crave variety. Call it the 7+ yr. itch.
To answer most simplisticly...
You may as well pay them up front instead of wasting money on dinners while listening to them talk about their stupid lives.
A lot of your reasons are the same as mine. In addition, like some others have mentioned, it's less of a hassle than a real relationship and it's just plain fun. I've even gotten to meet some women I consider celebrities through this hobby. My only regrets are I didn't start doing this sooner and wasted too much of my money on bad providers. And of course not having enough money to spend.
Because the non-providers don't provide. Do I win?
Variety is the spice of life. I look for providers who look like the ladies that I struck out with when I was younger. I can then relive my youth.
Me?
Here's my story on this topic.
Wife left me.
I was faithful to her the whole time we were dating, engaged and even two and half years after we seperated, hoping we could work it out. We didn't and it almost killed me.
I realized I needed to move on and seeing two wonderful women paved the way for me being able to do that. Both of them helped me more than any of the marriage counseling, grief counseling etc, friends, family etc ever did. They were both very kind considerate women and I'll always treasure how they helped restore my shattered confidense.
My brief hobbying ended when I met a younger woman that I adore a few weeks ago. She seems to like me too. She's not a provider etc. We've been getting to know each other over the last month or so. I have zero interest in the hobby right now. If something works out with her or someone else, I won't be back to the hobby.
If I'm alone without a girlfriend for a while, I'll probably be back on occassion. If it get my heart ripped out again like in my first marriage, I know I'll be back because one sure fire cure for a broken heart is another attractive woman - at least for me.
I've learned a lot about myself. I'm not really caught up in wanting a lot of partners. I'm just looking for one that will care about me.