Repost from the national board.
...reasons why we read the reviews rather than advertisements, websites, and endorsement posts.
Ultimate GFE........Can stomach sucking face with even halitosis
plagued men.
I enjoy my work........A highly accomplished actress, fakes "O"s
better than Meg Ryan.
Down-to-earth........Isn't high.
Energetic ........Is high.
Discreet ........Too disorganized to keep your personal information.
Outcall only ........Has a car, lives in a motel.
Incall only........Doesn't have a car, lives in a motel.
BBW...........Pick a fold, any fold.
I answer my phone ........No computer.
E-mail me only ........ No phone.
Fill out my online booking form........ You will never get an appointment, ever.
Punctual........+/- 2 hours.
Educated........5 years of high school.
Wants to spend time getting to know you........Kills as much of the hour as possible with idle chit-chat.
Appreciates tips........$200 for a no-touch dance, $300 more for FS.
Girl-next-door..........Has a face like a basset hound.
Mature.............Take her photo, add 15 years.
Classy..........Washes.
University Educated..........DeVry
Sensitive..........Doesn't laugh at you to your face.
Loves meeting new people..........She needs the money
Lingerie available..........BYO, she'll be more than happy to wear it.
Sensual..........Turns the TV off.
Referrals required..........Wants to gauge how skanky you really are.
Deposit required..........Primadonna.
Sophisticated..........Stops the action to take cell phone calls.
Blonde..........Bad dye job.
Redhead..........Wig.
Couples welcome..........At least women usually wash.
Can bring a friend..........Anything to get you off faster.
Smoker..........6 packs a day.
Non-Smoker..........2 packs a day.
Doesn't do drugs..........That happens after the session.
Face obscured on site for privacy..........Butt ugly.
Elegant Dinner Companion..........A free meal is always nice.
Tight butt..........No hips, ass looks like 14 year old boy.
B cup ..........BB's on a breadboard.
C cup..........B cup.
D cup..........C cup.
DD cup..........Fat.
115..........140.
125..........150.
135..........160.
140+..........A house.
New pics on site..........Reviewers slammed her for dated pics.
I only take 1 appointment per day..........The other 5 are just
friends.
My car broke down..........She has better things to do.
My email crashed, I lost everything..........She has better things to do for the next week.
Retirement..........She met a BF who doesn't like her job.
Coming out of retirement..........She was dumped.
Holiday Specials..........Kids need winter clothes
Light Domination..........You don't want FS? All the better.
If you seek a onetime experience, look elsewhere..........look
elsewhere.
Nice apartment..........Doesn't live in a motel.
A few piercings..........Face and bod look like a pin cushion.
A few tats..........More ink than bare skin.
Very accomodating..........Speaks greek if you are less than 6", $100 extra.
Now independent............Too flaky even for the agency.
Genuine pics...........Just not of her.
Have fun, stay safe, and leave the lights ON!!
Iceman
-- Modified on 1/14/2002 11:49:26 AM
It amazes me how few providers own a car or have a computer!
In fact many don’t even know about the Internet Escort phenomena.
Telephone numbers change on a weekly basis but boyfriends all sound the same!
Be careful if you happen to reach her BF because he may not even know she’s in the biz!
"Can I share a secret with you?" - I want to try strap-on
"I have to unexpectedly leave town for business" - My wife came home
"A family emergency came up" - My wife came home
"I had unexpected bills that came up" - My wife is monitoring my money
"Something came up at the office again" - I chickened out again
"I have to plan far ahead to get away for a couple hours" - PW by wife
"My trip to Seattle was postponed or cancelled" - (Love this one, these are the guys that spend an hour on the phone with you and 2 hours in IM and 3 hours emailing before their "Big" trip) - They are phone cyber sex freaks that never plan on visiting or seeing you
"This never happens to me - (premature) - OK then why does it always happen with me?
"This never happens to me - (maintain erect) - That is why I am seeing a provider to help figure it out
"I really get off from performing oral on a female" - I am a control freak and prolly haven't gotten off from recieving oral
As for online booking - my works great - even my clients rave about it, you get an appt but you also really get the info on what you are in store for so there are no miscommunications.
MP
Dear Mistress Porsche,
So true.
The most egregious of your list, (and what would drive me absolutely nuts as a provider) are the guys (can't really call them hobbyists) that want to shoot the shit in tons of emails, phone calls, voice messages, chat, etc., sucking up tons of your time, telling you their life story, and then never following through with a session. Having worked the chat room scene for civilian action, I know that tired routine. All show, no go. Luh-hame.
step inside
walk this way
you and me babe
HEY HEY
iceman
and they abuse it and abuse it. I use the pre-paid for everyone's protection until I feel comfortable giving them my home number, but damn it gets expensive. One client after his forst session with me called 66 times in less than 72 hours only leaving 3 messages but waiting long enough to cost at least a 2-3 minute charge per call and it ended up costing almost $67.00, I freaked becuase 3 days earlier I had just purchased a $50.00 card and had only take 3 calls, I got a listing of the calls and lost it when I found out it was the same client. I even revised my greeting to notify callers I would be charged per call regardless if I picked up or not and to please leave a message only 1 time. At least I don't require they call from a non-blocked number, as I am very uneasy calling clients at their home or workplace. Now I make it a policy for those they don't comply and cost me more than $10 in calls before I even see them - to call them and relay I will not be able to see them since their blatent disregard for my money and requests were not honored. Thank god for caller ID and lists of calls on it.
She took me 2 her castle
And I just couldn't believe my eyes
She had so many devices
Everything that money could buy
She said sign your name on the dotted line
The lights went out
And Nikki started 2 grind
MP
Dear Darling Nikki,
Yeah, sounds like the phone deal can be a bitch. Here's a suggestion to solve your problem if it gets out of hand, I have seen other providers do this. Turn off the voicemail feature on your phone, and only have 1 or 2 set hours during your day when you always answer your business number-- "office hours" so to speak. Pick a time when you know you can consistently be available, mornings are good, because clients can set up, or confirm or cancel same day sessions that way. Something like 9-10 am to 9-11 am.
Post to your site, and the boards, that this is your arrangement, and don't take any calls or messages for business at any other time, no exceptions. This way clients will know when they have to call if they want to reach you, and you won't have epic voicemails left on your dime (or time!). This helps screen too, because anyone calling during your "hours" is probably somewhat serious about setting something up. If they aren't, you can control how long the conversation lasts.
Email is still fine for introductions and banter, and penciling people in, but ultimately, no matter how much crap they want to send you, they will still have to call you during your "hours" to confirm, or cancel, on the day of, or in the days leading up to a session.
I realize having one or two "on call" hours during a day limits flexibility, but I think it's easy enough, and makes booking a better experience for everyone.
--------------------------------------------------------
Jenny Jenny you're the girl for me
you don't know me, but you make me so happy
I tried to call you before but I lost my nerve
I tried my imagination but I was disturbed
iceman