Is there any way out of the on-going i'm never going to trust you again, how can I beleive your out with your friends,your never going anywhere alone ever again. I was recently busted by a private dick who has betrayed all of his fellow men. However will the constant guilt trip ever end how can I expediate the process. I want to get some freedom back any suggestions comments gripes complaints feel free.
There is no way out of the lack of trust - only time will minimize it from on-going to every so often. Knowing you've cheated stays with women, even the most understanding women, forever. If you are with a woman that has a tolerant or liberal view of a man's infidelity, and doesn't let it reflect on her view of herself, you've got a chance at it not nagging your relationship.
Some woman are extremely intolerant or obsessed (for a vast number of reasons), and you will be in jail with them until the day you die. Hell, some women are obsessed even when a spouse doesn't cheat. I worked with a colleage whose wife would call when we were at dinner, and want to know who he was talking with.
If you want 'freedom', then let her go free.
First things first.OUCH!!!!! I have no advice. personally, I don't want any responsibility of what may happen if I were to give advice on this one. I feel for you man. Good luck.
First of all, as CCMAN put it so poetically,
If you want 'freedom', then let her go free.
If you cannot do that, here are some other paths:
1> Indeed, explore the possibility of divorce with her, and call her bluff, especially, if you are a good poker player. You will be surprised how women back off at the prospect of a divorce or break up!
2> Like me, pickup a hobby/sports that most women don't like, and the women who like it, are very sexy! I go sailing often. My wife gets sea sick, so she never wants to go sailing. And when I go sailing, it is off to the ocean, and out of reach! Also, you can decide to turn your cellphone on or off. I have had beatiful girl friends who were my sailing partners as well. Life doesn't get any better than that! Of course, the trick here is you just tell her you are going sailing off of Dana Point, Catch me if you can! No golf for me!
Hope this helps. I have other suggestions to, but for another day, another time.
It would seem the lack of trust stared before you got caught, if she has to hire a scum bag privite dick to follow you. Do you really want to be looking over you sholder for the rest of your life? My motto, don't look for the truth if you can't handle the truth. And from experence, she may forgive but she will never forget. Good Luck !
P.S. Diamonds and Flowers might help.
here's a suggestion to avoid the guilt, plus it cuts down on the hobby. Before you spend a dime on a girl, you must spend the equal amount on your girlfriend/spouse before, not after. This will really force you to examine the worth of the hobby, you will put thought into what you buy your spouse, she will be totally thrilled ( or perhaps even more suspicious), and if you really love her, you shouldn't resent her for doing it.
It is somewhat ironic that many of us treat escorts better than girlfriends or spouses, and a primary reason is because of the effort and $$ we put into seeing escorts. And it turn, most escorts would not consider many (probably most) of us as boyfriend/husband material.
good luck
CCMAN, what a wonderful and thoughtful suggestion ... You are not only a poet, but a sage.
From now on, you are my mentor and spiritual leader ...
Well, that is quite flattering.
As your mentor, heed the following sage wisdom and one I give when I am asked for suggestions on the golf course - - Never take advice from amateurs.
Dude - you're toast...
Cut your losses and cut her loose -no matter what you do, you're not getting out of jail...
Most women who are on the receiving end never forget - and even if they split from the "offender" usually put the label on the next guy , even though the new guy hasn't done anything wronmg...yet.
It's a vicious circle...
Would you trust her if the situation were reversed?
You are lucky if you get a chance to build the trust up again.
Find a good marriage counselor and go work on your issues.
You may not get another chance......