:::I've posted this before, but figured it was worth recycling:::

There are many rules listed in the book of Leviticus (atheists, that's part of the The Old Testament)

Here are some of those rules:

-God doesn't like you going to fortune tellers.
-If you're a fortune teller, you die.
-If you curse your parents you die.
-If you sacrifice an animal for God, you gotta eat it that day or the next day. After that, left overs are verboten!
-If you do eat the leftovers two days after you sacrificed it, then no one is allowed to talk to one of your friends ever again.
-When you harvest your crops, you're not allowed to do a thorough job.
-If you have a vineyard, you're not allowed to pick up grapes that have fallen on the ground. Instead you gotta leave that for the poor to eat.
-You're not allowed to curse deaf people or trip blind people.
-You're not allowed to cross breed animals. God doesn't like mules and ligers.
-You're not allowed to grow more than one kind of plant on a field.
-You're not allowed to wear clothes made of two different kinds of material. God hates cotton polyester blends.
-You ARE allowed to marry your ex-wife's sister, but your ex-wife has to die first.
-When you plant a tree that grows fruit, you're not allowed to eat the fruit for three years. If you need any discouragement, think of the fruit as an uncircumcised dick. On the fourth year, you gotta sacrifice the fruit for God. On the fifth year you can eat it.
-You're not allowed to eat meat with blood still in it. God hates his steaks medium rare.
-You're not allowed to cut the hair at your temples or trim your beard.
-You ARE allowed to practice self mutilation, but only if it's because you're not bummed out about someone who's died.
-You're not allowed to get a tattoo.
-You're not allowed to make your daughter take up providing as a career.
-You gotta respect old people.

And now...for the sexy stuff.

-You're not allowed to molest immigrants.
-If you fuck your neighbor's wife, you both die.
-If you fuck your dad's wife, you both die.
-If you fuck your daughter-in-law, you both die.
-If a dude fucks another dude, they both die.
-If you marry a woman AND you marry her mom, all three of you die.
-If you fuck an animal you and your buddy Rover dies.
-If a woman fucks an animal they both die.
-If a man marries his sister and fucks her, then none of his friends should talk to them ever again (bringing forth generations of lonely banjo players)
-If you fuck a woman while she's on her period, then none of your friends should ever talk to you again.
-If you fuck your aunt, you die.
-If you fuck your uncle's wife, you die.
-If you marry your brother's wife, you're not allowed to have kids.
-You're not allowed to fuck your mom.
-You're not allowed to fuck your sister or half sister.
-You're not allowed to fuck your grandchildren.
-You're not allowed to fuck your daughter, even if you adopted her.
-If you fuck your female slave, then you gotta be punished, but you can't be put to death. Find yourself a ram to sacrifice real quick.

HOWEVER, no where in all these rules is there anything about two women fucking! That's right! Man on man sex is right out. But God sees no problem with a clam lapping good time!