Teddy Roosevelt popularized the idea of "speak softly, but carry a big stick". It is founded in the idea, first established by James Monroe, that diplomacy should be centered around this idea.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Stick_ideology

To see how this works, let's set up a hypothetical. Suppose we're all in a bar in the wild west.

One guy comes in and says, "you better not fuck with me! I'll kill every motherfucker in here!"

Now one of two things will happen. 1) either other people in the bar will believe him, and think of him as a bully, or 2) someone will challenge him to see what happens.

If the loudmouth is challenged, and does indeed kill someone, then everyone else at the bar thinks he's a muderous psychopath. He is hated and dispised.

If the loudmouth is challenged, and the loudmouth does not kill someone, but rather backs down quietly, then the loudmouth is seen as weak. A wimp. Someone who is insecure. Pathetic.

Now let's start all over again. Let's suppose that instead of the loudmouth saying he's going to kill everyone, instead he's quite and (dear god) respectful. He shakes everyone's hand respectfully. In cultures where hand shaking isn't accepted as a social norm, he instead is respectful enough to adopt their custom out of respect.

He is quite, polite, courteous, and minds his manners. As a result, most don't think twice about him.

A few look at this and see it as weakness. So they try to fuck with the polite guy.

Someone comes up to him in the bar and starts shoving him, calling him names.

If the polite guy does not respond, then he will be seen as weak, but the guy shoving him will be seen as an asshole.

If the polite guy instead asks, "please don't shove me", and is shoved again, and he then takes out a gun and shoots the shover in the head, killing him instantly, then the polite guy has accomplished a couple of things.

1) Polite guy has established his reputation. 2) Polite guy has instilled both genuine respect and genuine fear among the other patrons in the bar. 3) Polite guy has shown he has strength and he knows it. 4) Polite guy has shown he doesn't use this strength unless it's called for, which leads back to more respect.

Now suppose instead that Polite guy also has about 15 kids, their ages range from about 4 years old to about 9 years old. If those children taunt their father and say you should have shouted at everyone in the bar instead, what happens is that the strength of the Polite guy is questioned. And since Polite guy can't do anything about it, his children has weakened him. You could say that his kids are undermining his personal security.

Now, if those kids loved their father, or failing that, loved their own home, then they would be respectful enough not to behave like a bunch of spoiled brats. However, the choice of whether they behave like brats is entirely up to them.

Before they made such a decision, one would think that they would have at least enough intellectual curiousity to find out the names of the other people at the bar. Find out what they're like. Make sure they're not putting their father and their home in danger before opening their fat, childish, uninformed mouths.

Or, they could just behave like the bully did and find out the hard way what happens.

Here endeth the lesson in diplomacy.

-- Modified on 9/13/2012 1:58:02 PM