Nucular
Conversate

Here's a major one!

Loose when they mean lose.

I just punch people in the face when they misuse a word.  It makes me feel better.

Ink Pen

For some reason, the term Ink Pen has always given me fits.  A pen is a pen, they all use ink.

Now, I suppose you could make an argument that there are such things as pig pens or state pens, or other "holding" facilities, but when the comment makes it clear that what is desired is a writing implement then ink pen is redundant.  I once asked someone what other kind of pen might I give them when they asked to borrow an ink pen and was told (in all seriousness) that I might think they wanted a "straight pen" or a "safety pen".  Actually, the problem is mispronunciation of the word "pen" as "pin".  Pen and pin are two very different words.

Rant over.

i ain't no nutten,bout none bad english!!!

how in gods name do you text?!does that count?

I have wanted to correct so many ads with the correct spellings or the proper grammar it's driving me insane. Maybe I need to take up a new hobby?

And how about "should of,"  "would of,"  "could of"...

"Irregardless

holy shit...this get's me going...

#1: I'll be "out of pocket" all of next week.

In the business world...I hear this all the time when they should say...

I'll be "out of office" all of next week.

Out of pocket refers to a financial disposition.  "I had to pay out of pocket because my insurance didn't cover it."  People sound like effin idiots when they say it wrong.

#2: "utilize"

Idiots use the word "utilize" in place of "use" because they think it makes them sound smart or sumpin'.

Utilize at one time meant "the use of something for other than it's intended purpose". For example:

"I utilized the screwdriver to pry the lid off the paint can".  Screwdrivers' intended purpose is to rotate screws .  This one is somewhat ironic to me because now the word itself is being "utilized".

People have been using it wrong for so long now that Webster's has now updated the definition.

#3: "Prior to"

We can thank the NFL for this aberration:  "Prior to the snap..."

The word "prior" is an adjective.  Adjectives go with nouns.  You can easily test the proper use by replacing a word with another of the same part of speech.  For instance...if you think "prior to" is the appropriate usage...replace "prior" with other adjectives and you will see that it makes no fucking sense:

"Fast to"
"Short to"
"Tasty to"

An adjective cannot describe a preposition.  Please use "before" whenever you feel tempted to say "prior to".  

If you want to use prior...please use it to describe a noun such as:

"Prior conviction"
"Prior date"
"Prior ejaculation"

Do the word replacement again:

"fast conviction"
"short date"
"tasty ejaculation"

See, it works

#4: Never say in 10 words/syllables what you can say in 3.  You can avoid most errors by trimming the 'fat' in written and spoken communication.

Just a good rule to live by in all things relating to language.  See the previous three items:

"out of pocket"  vs "out of office"

Three words/four syllables vs three words/four syllables.  No efficiency gained by using "pocket".  Just say what you mean.  You won't be in the fucking office.

"utilize" vs. "use"

One word/three syllables vs one word/one syllable.  Shorter wins.

"Prior to" vs. "Before"

Two words/three syllables vs one word/two syllables.  Shorter wins again.  

 
#5  The rule about making shit shorter doesn't fucking apply to curse words and other colorful additions.  This is known as an exception and they are literally fucking littered throughout the fucking English language.

Thanks BCG...got me ranting all over the fucking place..