Maybe I'm slow but I cant figure this out .. how do I get a referral from a person I have visited?  I assume I can mail and request ... but what is the id... the terid does not work and in most cased neither does the name... What am i missing?

Your post is a little confusing, but if she has been reviewed on TER and she wants to Whitelist you she can. Some ladies will whitelist after one date, some want to see you several times before they will and some don't give whitelists. If she hasn't been reviewed here she can't give a whitelist but she can still act as a reference for you for other ladies you want to see. Just ask her, the worst she can do is say no.