Alt_mgr;
Am interested in seeing some of the pricier providers in my city and in doing my homework see that most to all (understandably) require a provider reference, or, references as a critieria for verification.
Is it prudent-appropriate to ask providers have already seen if can use them as a reference?
Or, do vets like yourself base that on someone you regularly see more and knows you fairly well?
Seems a provider in this instance is no different than any other contact you have in your network you might request to use as a job reference: They know you reflect well on them, think highly of you and therefore, they're happy to help.
What is the smart and proper way to cultivate this within the Hobby?
It's all about being comfortable. The screening itself is her way to make certain that you aren't a danger to her, and often to get a feel for what you like.
If you've seen someone and it went at least reasonably well, you should contact her and ask if she'd mind being a reference for you. You don't NEED to ask, but if you're drawing from a small pool, you want to be certain that she'll reply to the request.
At some point, if you're around enough and play in one location, you'll become known enough that saying hello is most of the process. But that takes time, and being decent to the ladies that you see.
But how does a newbie know when the meeting isn't going to happen and change plans accordingly? Especially when one's acking established refs.?
One 1 recent occasion, I showed up at the hotel (after providing my TER handle and work ref., and having had a days' postpontment due to her schedule) only to have no response on the phone. I haven't heard back from her since. I don't think I was hassling as I sent an email from home about the lack of connection; and the next day, a "thanks" note with the hope of meeting in the future.
In the latest case, I haven't heard back after providing work details + my prior appts details. Yes, I also mentioned the fact that I'm a newbie to the hobby.
On the same note, do providers prefer a standard (preferntial) way for newbies to get introduced into the "inner circle"? (like DateCheck etc.?)
Thanks
Dumb newbie
(almost makes me wish I was living in London)
It's quite possible that the no-show had nothing to do with screening problems. Putting a positive spin on things, I save almost a grand this week due to missed opportunities. These are ladies that know me to the point that I've used them as references. Sometimes, shit happens.
In your 2nd example, it sounds like you didn't pass her screening. She may not see newbies, or have a backup method of screening to account for lack of info. Nothing that you can do there except move on, and build your resume elsewhere.
DateCheck, etc have their good & bad. Most are somewhat regional. Where they're common, they seem to work well. You can be certain that they maintain records, if that's an issue for you. My problem is that none of them are common where I play.
Good luck...
Thanks for your helpful message, Acidom, and sorry for my late response.
I'd pretty much thought the same as your points, after the fact 
.
Re: the 2nd instance where I didn't hear back after providing my details; is it common/considered kosher to inquire with the same provider again in the future (maybe after another provider is willing to provide refs)?
Thanks
I'd try again if I thought the lack of response was based on shortage of references. Don't get your hopes up too high though. Some ladies just aren't good at responding to the volumes of mail they receive. Those aren't generally meant to offend you personally, but lots of guys take it that way.
Thanks again, Acidom; appreciate it.
I can only speak for myself and the knowledge I have of other established providers that I am acquainted with.......
Having said that: I usually ask that the gentleman speak with his prior association before giving me her information. (*Usually a simple email can accomplish this, if you are on friendlier terms you might be able to just call her and give her heads up that she will be contacted*) Then, I will usually forward the email that the gentleman sent me along with my request to the provider. This way she knows he has given me permission to discuss any details of my experience with him to the provider.
I have had providers call me in the past and the gentleman had not told me he would be using me as a reference and it put me in a somewhat uncomfortable position as I will not share anything with an unknown person without prior permission from the gentleman (*you can understand why this would be a priority with me due to confidentiality*)
If the provider has emailed me then I simply forward the request and ask the gentleman if it is legit. Once he has given me the ok then I reply to the provider.
I would like to volunteer this stipulation...... if you have been visiting a provider that is not considered "established" or have been frequenting providers that might have a less than acceptable level of professionalism then it might not be a good idea to use them as a reference. (*The only reason that I am including this is because there are some providers, such as myself, who can not under any circumstances have any outside drama added to their life..... if a provider has a reputation of drug use, black mailing, extortion, risky behavior...etc. Then it would be questionable for me to accept a client that has been her regular*) -That is only my opinion and only a consideration that I make when meeting "new friends" ....... I only include it as a heads up to what some providers might be thinking-
I have also made it a practice to volunteer verification and reference referral to any client that has associated with me and that I am comfortable with. I go one step further in guaranteeing to the new provider that the gentleman will not behave with ill manners and that he will be prompt in his appointment or will give her at least an hour notice should he have to cancel. My guarantee to the new provider is one hour of her published donation to be wired to her if she encounters any difficulties.
By doing this, most providers understand that I have a tremendous amount of confidence in the gentleman or I wouldn't make such a guarantee. I have been making this a practice since 2002 and have never had the incident happen in which I had to forward the provider her donation. (*Of course I am very selective about the clients that I offer this service to and I reserve it for the ones that I know I am comfortable and confident with*)
Best of luck in your adventures.......
Happy Hobbying, Know your provider (*and her reputation*) kisses...... ~Tori
I'll take a stab at this one.
I would suggest always letting a lady know you intend on using her as a reference, and asking if it is alright to do so before giving her information to anyone.
There are number of reasons for this:
You will know if she wants you to give her information to anyone else, if she doesn't want you to, she isn't going to give you the reference anyway, most likely, but may be less inclined to see you again due to what she perceives as a lack of discretion on your part.
She will know to expect a call or email, and from whom it should come. You wouldn't want a lady to tell just anyone that contacts her about you...especially for married guys...how much would it suck if your wife called and said she wanted a reference and the lady just gave her information on you?
It makes both ladies, the reference and the one receiving the reference, feel safer and perhaps more comfortable with seeing you because they know you respect them and their wishes and privacy.
No matter how well you might know a lady it is still good to get her permission to use her as a reference. Show the ladies the same respect and decorum you would want her to show you, and it will go a long way in cultivating your reputation in the hobby.
Awesome post web terrorist. You don't have to be Alt_Mgr, but you know what you're talking about.
Thanks to all for the feedback, it's much appreciated.