I know this issue has probably been rehashed over and over again. But I was wondering if any providers has ever been reported to have tested positive for HIV or even hobbyist. I know this topic maybe a bit intrusive, just wanted to educate myself.
Those who does not want to post please email me at [email protected]. Thanks. Any information will be helpful.
not to be intrusive -- just a different perspective. I'm a professional woman w/ kids in what I thought was a monogamous life-long relationship. I had been aware that my s.o. had considered your hobby several years ago as several providers had e-mailed him, called him and gotten me, etc. He assured me that it was curiousity, and that he would be faithful. I trusted. Long story short, I had experienced odd symptoms for awhile and never even considered STDs. Finally after over a year of intermittant symptoms, I went to the Dr and was told that I probably had PID from an STD but that they would have to test. I assumed that he had indulged in your hobby and didn't want him to be embarassed by a CDC-required reporting thing for some of the STDs. I asked about it and found out that it was likely a BBBJ and some other activities that exposed him to risk.
The HPV test came up positive for the viral strains that cause cervical cancer and I now have to get a cervical biopsy and hope for the best over my lifetime -- there is not a cure for this virus.
I'm on antibiotics now to treat chlamydia, etc., causing PID. PID hurts a lot. I suspect that the biopsy won't be a picnic either.
This has not been easy for him. He is devastated by the consequences of his actions. Please realize that you can get some things that really hurt women (and don't always have symptoms for women until much later) like gon., chlamydia, herpes, hpv from bbbj. You can get herpes from covered sex if the virus is shedding b/c it does not require fluid-fluid contact.
I looked at this board to try to get a perspective on this activity -- maybe out of morbid curiousity. I am not a moralist who disputes the potential value of free enterprise in this hobby, but believe that if you have a partner, she should be aware that you are not monogamous so that she can make decisions about her own body and the risks she is willing to take.
Polling on this board may not be reliable -- you might assume that the majority of men who had gotten STDs would probably retire from the hobby and not be on the board. Honestly, why would anyone who had gotten HIV (as you asked) still be hobbying and hanging out on TER?
this could be due to the lack of discreet testing serivices in their communities, after all, you want to talk to your family doctor about this, and it could also be that good, private tests are expensive. The gold standard for HIV testing is the PCR test. The adult video industry requires PCR tests. For professionals, subsidised tests cost about $100. in the Los Angeles area. In New York City you have to make a special request at a private clinic. They will draw 2 tubes of blood. The fee for this is $500. Yup... blows your mind, an essential test in the sex business in LA is priced beyond reach in the richest city in the world. Maybe that's all relative. A guy who has no qualms about spending $1500 an hour to have his world rocked is too cheap too spend another $500 to know for sure that he's clean ? Mysterious. Quest Diagnostics will do a combined gonhorrea/chlamydia DNA test froma urine sample. The rack rate for that is another $500. Then you have your Hep A,B, C screen, herpes, etc.... adds up. I've been told by the doc at the clinic that the #1 major health risk in the hobby is Hepatitis B, and Hep A is no walk in the park either if you have a bad enough case. His rule is, if you hobby, you get a full hep A+B series, with all the boosters, and you may have to repeat the full series for it to completely activate. Unfortunately, many people do not have good personal hygeine habits, including the well dressed ones who ought to know better. Tell your hubby to pack along a bottle of sanitizer gel and generously apply around his genitals and wipe his hands with it after sex. Have him locate a reliable clinic away from his friends and neighbors. Sometimes you have to find a place that handles a lot of gay clientele and does a high volume of AIDS counseling. The guys who work there have heard everything, nothing your hubby has to say will cause them to bat an eye. Sitting there in the waiting area makes for a good reality check too. There might be two or three escorts, a porn actor or two, a civilian here and there... it's like walking backstage at the theater.
Agreed that the tests are expensive, but you can get a whole panel for about $500 through a company that specializes in confidential testing. You give them a "code name" and they give you a passkey for your telephone accessible results. I'm setting up his testing, paying for it, and will have the passkey so that I know what the results are first hand.
I think I'm unusually understanding and forgiving. As they say, YMMV. We're moving through it with the understanding that this stuff stops. It's not like he can't get whatever he wants (other than some "strange") at home. If he's a hobbying kind of guy, he is free to pursue that w/o me in his life. While I am willing to give us another chance at a long and full life together, I am not interested in giving him another opportunity to hurt me like this. We women can't help having our minds go there and sometimes when I look at him or think about him, I just picture him with another women, hear what he's saying, then think about him coming back to me w/ remnants of her all over him. It is not something I ever imagined. For most women who are really in love, the emotional pain is even worse than any physical consequences and I do not want to spend my days and nights fighting these images.
Again, I hope that you gentlemen will remember that all of the stuff about how these beautiful, intelligent providers have a right to make their own decisions about how they use their bodies is pretty disingenuous if you have a spouse or committed signficant other who is robbed of the opportunity to make choices about what risks she will take with her body w/o compensation. It may not be completely fair to determine the acceptable risk to her for the benefit of your pleasure. Off my soapbox. Be safe and don't hurt anyone.
http://www.requestatest.com/pages/3/index.htm
No collection sites in California, but LabCorp provides collection sites in most areas across the country. The customer service workers answering the phones are sweet, gentle, and helpful.
Even though I am polyamorous in my relationships I have always insisted on my (and my partners') right to make our own choices, how much and what are you willing to tolerate? That is only a choice an individual can make for themselves.
This requires a high degree of communication and honesty which many relationships cannot handle... dishonesty by ommission seeming to be the least painful option. Sometimes it is. I have heard more than one woman say that if her SO has an affair they do NOT want to know about it... of course, that in itself is a decision and a declaration by the individual herself.
Breaking the bonds of trust is a decision that a party consciously makes. The person who makes this decision should consider the effects to others as well as be willing to pay the price. If you are able to dishonor another's right to make their own decisions, is it fair to continue the relationship? I'm not saying yes or no... just something to seriously consider, yes?
I am sorry for what you have been through. While you may think you will find some comfort or solace on these boards it is not likely. You may find those who agree wholeheartdly with you, some who agree in your case but not theirs, some who disagree with the premise of "right" and "choice" and others who will relegate the conversation to "risk" vs. "reward".
Character is like obscenity, "I can't describe it but I know it when I see it". (Is that the quote?)
Your words are valuable to society at large... not just this forum. After all, it could have just as easily been a friend or a co-worker...
May love, compassion and grace remain in your heart.
Blessed be!
Sola
I hear that the immune system does get rid of HPV most of the time, in 80% of the cases. Better check that out to be sure. maybe do some research on it. There is a good link below for you. That medical forum is pretty good.
Well, you will get solace here. I can imagine how painful the whole thing is. You have unusual grace.
I took up hobbying (before i even knew what the term was) after the sex ended in my marriage (for reasons not relevant here, but as much my choice as hers.) If there had been any chance of rekindling that part, I would have quit hobbying, gotten thoroughly tested, etc. As it is, the marriage ended after 7 years of estrangement, including zero sex. If there was a downside to my hobbying, it's not that it damaged the marriage; rather it's that it actually artificially prolonged a hopeless situation.
Anyway, your situation is fundamentally different. My intuition is he is not going to stop, because his reasons for hobbying have nothing to do with not getting any at home, and he clearly was not playing safely. Same end result, however: If you can get out you should.