Recently a member of the Boston board community posted regarding his frustration with a local agency. According to the poster, he was refused services because he is black. Other threads relevant to this topic have appeared this week on the Florida, Boston, Atlanta and National boards.
This topic goes beyond the issue of racism. Some would say that providers should see everyone. We know that, realistically, this is not the case. Some ladies impose age restrictions or weight or other restrictions related to physical appearance as well as race restrictions. What is the answer?
A. See everybody or get out of the business.
B. The other restrictions are okay but restrictions based on race are not.
C. It’s her body; she can impose whatever restrictions that she feels necessary.
D. The answer is C but she must tell us about it upfront.
E. [Your solution]
This is a hot button topic without question. Take a look at the existing threads.
http://theeroticreview.com/msgBoard/viewmsg.asp?MessageID=19377&boardID=9&page=6
http://theeroticreview.com/msgBoard/viewmsg.asp?MessageID=77725&boardID=12&page=1
http://theeroticreview.com/msgBoard/viewmsg.asp?MessageID=7407&boardID=16&page=1
http://theeroticreview.com/msgBoard/viewmsg.asp?MessageID=15420&boardID=18&page=1
http://theeroticreview.com/msgBoard/viewmsg.asp?MessageID=19878&boardID=9&page=1
I would like to invite everyone who has an opinion on this topic to a chat in the Boston chat room next Wednesday, February 18th @ 9:00 P.M. ET/ 6:00 P.M. PT. (If you’re located in another time zone and you’re confused, just enter the chat room the night before. At least you’ll be guaranteed a good seat. 
thirsty
...and in lieu of a NY chat next week, I'll opt to join in on this one. Hope to see you all there.
F.
I have had a couple providers ask me my race before seeing me and one well know one in Las Vegas ( I won't mention her name on the board, PM me if you wish) state that she will not see Black providers.
I can't participate in the chat so I will give my view on it here.
I hate to say it but to me it's a tough call. On one end, racial discrimination in any way should not be tolerated. On the other, as the first poster wrote, it's the providers body and if for some reason she is repulsed by a certain race, it's tough to make a case why she should be intimate with a man so she won't be called a racist once word got out.
In the one specific case of the provider that I know in Vegas, in my view her reason is perfectly unerstandable and I will leave it at that.
I vote for providers not seeing unclean people.
some providers won't see person's from various ethnic backgrounds, there not always as simple as racial discrimination. From what I heard some ladies won't see African-American clients cause the sessions are too vigorous (causing pain and vaginal irritation) or they have not had their boundaries respected in past encounters. Some girls won't see younger Latin men for the same reason. Quite a few ladies just don't want to run into someone they know in real life.
And if someone doesn't want to see a client out of pure prejudice, would you really want to give them your hard earned money? I think hobbyists of color should inquire up front whether the provider is interested in their business cause no providers will have the audacity to post "No (insert ethnicity here) Allowed".
Remember, your dealing with other human beings here. Issues are not always just black and white.
Nice to see you back Alexia. I was worried that something had happned since you haven't made too many posts in awhile.
Suffice it to say that I tried in vain to put it as well as you and I couldn't do it. Well said on your part.
I never knew that African American and young Latin hobbyists were more vigorous than Caucasion men (never mind bigger ?, ouch !, I may get beat up for that line LOL !!).
That's why it's great to get the input from someone like you on this topic.
Keep it coming, no pun intended.
With all respect Alexia that's crazy. If the girl gets a white client who is too vigorous. She doesn't refuse all white clients. Get my drift. The race problem here is the same everywhere in the US. If a white guy committs an offense, no labeling is involved. If a black guy does it. Then all of a sudden, all black men should be watched. Somehow they all do it.
Chemistry is the key. If she has good chemistry with the guy, he can be as vigorous as he wants because she feels secure enough to let him. If she can't take it, she has no problem politely telling him to slow it down. That's good chemistry. If she equates skin with good or bad, many times she'll end up with a guy with the right skin and very wrong attitude. The sad part is, it won't even occur to her that this nut got past her better judgement because she assumed his white skin made him safer or less vigorous.
Read the person not the skin color. But as some say it's her body and if she turns down $$$ for that then it's her call. Not jumping on you Alexia. Not my intention.
No offense taken, but all of it is true, not just one point of view. I know very well ladies who are African-American who don't see African-American men. The same with some Latin ladies. I gave a full spectrum of possible reasons as to why some ladies don't see clients of color including pure predjudicial reasons. But if some hobbyists don't want to respect our opinion regarding a subject we actually deal with on a daily basis and are actual facts, than there's not much anyone can do about that.
I hear you and believe me I do respect your opinion. May not agree with you but I definately respect it. I do think that with the Afro-American and Latina ladies, it's more of a fear of running into someone they know. I've had a couple of black and spanish ladies tell me that.
We get girls all the time who come from mostly Canada who say they will not see African American men or black men at all. We show them the door and tell them to get out
I have emailed several providors latelt to the effect that I wanted to make sure they weren't squeamish about heavy guys like me.
I received zero responses.
Tells me all I need to know about these women. They'll happily take the $$, but provide nothing because they don't like heavy guys.
If that isn't predjudice, I don't know what is...
I will preface my brief remarks by stating that while continual constructive dialogue is good over the longer term, there is very little that will be immediately resolved.
When I first began participating in “this thing we do”, I would solicit ladies via email and begin sort of an online courtship. I noticed that on a couple of occasions when I provided a pictorial description communication abruptly ceased. Rather than debate with women about whether they should believe stereotypes about Black men, I decided to change my nom de plume to “Othello”. It provided considerably more clarity in my pursuits of beautiful women. I also sought to distinguish myself by adhering to a higher standard during my encounters with these ladies. I like to think that I provided a memorable “boy friend” experience to a number of ladies. I should also add that they spanned the color spectrum. Much to my surprise, I have in a number of instances served as a lady’s introduction to the “black experience”.
When I reflect on the intimacies that I have had with women who provide commercial companionship, we have also had exchanges on this subject. Issues regarding our higher level of relative vigor or respect for a lady’s boundaries for the most part tend to feed on stereotypes dating back to the civil war era. It is also bullsh*t!
WE are not cretins. We are the same men who would fight to protect this nation’s sovereignty and ALL of its inhabitants. Having said that I will also say that buffoons come in ALL COLORS but we only seem to remember the brown ones… Such is life in America!
There was a recent post regarding the robbery of a visiting provider by a Blackman. I was distressed regarding the posting for two reasons. First, because she was someone whom I had known for a number of years. I was relieved that she was unhurt and stated my comments on another board. Second, because I knew that this might provide further support for other women refusing to see Black men.
In the end it is all about humanity. If your thoughts hold clouded visions of people based on ethnic stereotypes, you are blinded to the beauty that this world provides. If a woman refused to see me because of my skin tone, I considered it their loss. There were far more ladies that did invite me to their bed. We share fond memories and maintain close friendships.
Best regards, peace & blessings,
“Othello”
Being an older provider.. I know it well.. certainly from African American men.. as well as caucasian men.. and every color in between. Everybody has a "poor me" line.. nobody gets through this life being wanted by everybody. I am not blonde.. I am not Barbie.. and I am not 18. I wish I recieved more interest from African AMerican men... but I dont fit the shell nut many of them are seeking.. at least not in the professional world. I love diversity.. love it need it crave it. But I am not gonna cry over those who do not wish to partake in me.. I much prefer to rejoice in what I HAVE and what I am gettttin.. again and again and againnnnnnnn.
As I stated before, assuming that only one premise exists as to why some women choose not to see clients of color is absurd. If a client chooses to only see blondes or Latinas thats his perogative, he has his reasons. That's his personal taste, that doesn't make him racist.
This is not an Equal Opportunity Industry. The stereotypes are very apparent and even nurtured in this business. There have been times I thought a lady putting the fact she will not see a black man right on her site was suppose to help her look more attractive to caucasian clients.Sounds way out, I know, but I wouldn't be suprised if that was a motivation. On the other side of the coin, there are many clients who can not bring themselves to see a lady who is non caucasian because of obvious programming of stereotypes. I won't go into them because I find them too stupid to even mention.
Another thing I find interesting is that when there are posts for a certain type of service, and the race of the lady is not confirmed by the poster, it is automatically assumed he wants a caucasian lady. The poster has to literally say that he is looking for an asian, latina or WOC ( Woman of Color....God I love that nick name...)before anyone even thinks of mentioning a non-caucasian lady.
It may just be ingrained. But with all the beautiful women in this business with every type of heritage imaginable that can be accessed at the touch of a key pad. You guys are very lucky indeed!!!
Love Kym xoxoxo
I have been as delighted and dissapointed by both, and performance is not particular to race. Just like in life.
I was actually amazed at how some people even assumed I was African American since I had this handle as had seen woman other than caucasians.
The bottom line is people must expand their minds, not allow steretypes to inculcate their expectations, and enjoy more of what the community can offer.
I don't think of myself as the typical 'hobbyist' ( I hate that term), and hate when I'm lumped with many of the usual problems.
Peace, Panther
PS: For those of you who have yet to meet Kym, she is the epitome of charm, one helluva awesome GFE, and wonderful woman.
Until recently, I never comprehended that a provider would not see an African American man.
There isn't much more I can say that I didn't allready say other than while I can understand from the woman's point of view that it is her right to be with certain kind of men for whatever reason, the discimination in itself really is the pits.
Just shows you were I am coming from, I always thought that so many women fantasized and wanted to be with African American men over a caucasion guy like myself.
When I was in college, a suite of pretty women who lived right next door to me used to fool around with the black members of the football team all the time. One time I was hanging out with a friend wathing TV on a Saturday night and I hear a knock on my window. It was the backup halfback wanting to climb though the window with my next door neighbor since she forgot her ID. It was late at night.
So, certain types of discrimination happens on both ends.
I think it is lousy all around and will leave it at that.
Just thought you might like to see that story Othello if you read it.
Good luck, you seem like a good guy.
While it truly is a woman’s right to choose, I would only ask that it not be based on one’s ethnicity. It should be based on the content of one’s character. There is far more that should bring us together than should separate us.
Admittedly, there is only a brief window of opportunity that presents itself to the woman who has to make a decision regarding her potential patron. This is why screening is important. To turn down a nice, engaging fellow who fits the preferred demographic profile just because he is Black—I would like to think that we had evolved beyond that! I acknowledge the riskiness of this ‘thing we do’. We must all run the gamut of STD’s, LE’s, whacko’s and felons. Even after all of the safeguards, misfortune does not discriminate!
After 50 plus women (or is it 100 plus… I’ve lost count!) I consider myself somewhat “enlightened” on this topic. This is a multidimensional issue. I have observed WOC’s (to use Kym’s term) refusing to see Black men. I have observed Caucasian women tell them it was wrong and solicit Black patronage. I have had Asian women confess their initial apprehension after finally enjoying the “plunge”. I have heard about White men refusing to see any women who have cavorted with Black men (I call this the “stretched or damaged” goods syndrome). While we seek to categorize this issue in simple “black and white” it is considerably more complex. People are complex! The bottom line is that when a man gives and a woman receives and the juices flow, it can be enjoyable! Race matters because some of us would rather focus on differences and miss the joy of the mutual satisfaction.
I respect a woman’s right to choose. I may be inclined to indulge in a little debate just to let a woman know that she should really reflect on her reasons for not seeing a fellow: hygiene, courtesy, ability to pay. This kind of overlaps with chemistry. Anything beyond that exposes her to charges of racism.
Fellows, spend your hard earned money where it is welcomed and appreciated! There are so many beautiful women and so little available cash.
Ladies, try and be a little more open-minded. Black men come in all personalities, shapes, sizes, lengths and girths—just like the rest of the human race. You could be missing out on something good.
Best regards, peace and blessings,
“Othello”
Othello,
You totally missed my point from the use of the word WOC ( It is NOT my word because I don't like it at all...)to it being a NoN Equal Opportunity Industry. Why should the ladies be any different? Because they are missing out on money??? Obviously they don't care about that. Yes, I believe one should be opened minded, but that's how they should be in life, not just in this business.
Kym xoxox
Kym (...a name as beautiful as the subject that wears it…), I assure you that I have not missed the point of your soliloquy. I merely acknowledged your use of the term, nothing more. My commentary on this subject is from the point of view of a Black man who in the past has patronized women in this endeavor. It has been considered from both a social and economic standpoint. It would be hypocritical to assume commercial companionship provides “equal opportunity access” but one will never know who will open the door if one does not first knock!
Economically speaking, women regularly forego opportunities due to screening constraints or just plan intuitive reservations. There is nothing inherently wrong with that. Social discretion may be impacted by stereotypes, historical events, past personal interactions, …you name it. Both aspects underscore a woman’s right to choose.
My contention is that for a woman to refuse to see a Black man, simply because he is Black is ludicrous! It is a frequent reality but the basis for that reality is weak and it is perpetuated by distorted news statistics and social behavior myths.
In the past, when I would express my interest in a woman, I would tell her a little about myself, stating in the initial contact that I was Black. If I received no response, I might make a second attempt at communication before moving on. There were times when my response rate was higher among non-Black women. I found that interesting given my preference for honey, chocolate and caramel. That which I so desired seemed to have little interest in me. All along, I was merely seeking access to ALL women as simply a man (NOT just a Black man…) seeking to spent some quality time with an attractive woman willing to provide a girlfriend experience to a sensual soul. I later surmised that the low response rate was due to poor email etiquette.
I have been a man in pursuit of women. As a Black man, I will always argue for higher access. While some may have refused me, I have been accepted by considerably more. It was an interesting and worthy quest, nonetheless.
Best regards, and Happy Valentine’s Day,
“Othello”
Hobbyist's have the advantage to begin with, as we can see what the provider looks like before we initiate the contact. Guy's imagine for a moment if you showed up at a incall and found an overweight, unclean, unappealing provider, would you stay? For the most part I think not. If a provider does not want to provide for a certain type of person then that should be there decision and should be respected.
If a incall like Julie's want's to draw the line when hiring girls then that is there right. If you are an independent and want a certain type then that is your right.
What we do is not exactly holding hands, a part of the experience is feeling the other person and getting into them. (No pun intended.) As someone said in an earlier post why would you want to waste your hard earned money on someone that does not want you
I posted on the general board that TER should add a category to the reviews that indicates if there is a certain category of men the provider will not see. Sometimes this will not be known and will be left blank. But if it is known based on first hand experience or the provider indicating such, this should be made available to inquiring hobbyists. THis would save some guys a lot of trouble and embarrasment. Isn't that the purpose of these boards? SOme providers might not want this advertised. But these boards are set up to serve the interests of the hobbyists. Correct?
Craig,
You should post this on the Suggestion and Policy board. Staff may have missed it on the General board. Since the Policy board is one method for members to communicate directly with Staff, posting the suggestion on that board will be more effective.
thirsty