having a relationship; how was your experience? Why did or didn't it last?

Once a provider, always a provider. You are there for their convenience and use. It is fun but when you are no longer of use, she is off to the next chump. My 'friends' took me for a ride.

Dated a stripper for nine months.  It was fabulous!

Good points...I'd might not agree about being taken for a ride part but definitely everything else, especially the being of use and always a provider...some exceptions but they are the rare and classy ones.

....I have dated several women who were involved in the sex business over the years and in one case the dating evolved into a marriage (I have only been married once).  In my early days, I dated a couple of strippers and got to know many more.  We had fun and some relationships lasted longer than others, but I had a lot of fun and good times.  The woman I married (25 years ago) was a Las Vegas hottie that worked for a club that I owned back in the day.  I fell hard for her.  She continued working for the first year of our marriage until we decided to have kids.  We had 10 good years and 3 kids together.  We parted amicably and are still friends today.  My take is that there are unique issues for a couple to overcome if the woman is in the sex business;  First is that the man has to be very secure in himself and have a good sense of self confidence if his SO is going to be fucking other guys.  Guys who are insecure don't do well dating these women.  Second, neither party can believe in the what I call the phony societal and religious construct of monogamy.  I am Poly-amorous and most of my partners have been as well.  In other words we can love multiple people, some at the same time.  The "he or she is the only one for me" mentality is not our natural state as human beings, imho.
Finally, a dating relationship with a provider or other sex worker can be very fulfilling on several levels, and if he or she loves sex (as many do) it is a "great ride" .  I can't know what the other poster meant when he said "once a provider always a provider" but to me that's just a cheap insult and has never been my experience.  Listen, a woman in the business is still a woman, period.  She has wants needs, emotional highs and lows just like any woman.  You get the full range of human emotions, and yes drama too at times, but no need to degrade them.  I think providers actually make great girlfriends if you are lucky enough to be a man who has the means and emotional maturity to share her life.  BTW, aren't many hobbyists here because of sexual and emotional dysfunction in their relationships with civies?  Being in a relationship with a provider has the  potential for both highs and lows too, but, I prefer them over civies.  Imagine that!!!

-- Modified on 3/18/2014 3:38:03 PM

The tone sounds like the tango is rather stilted... something is off if it is all negative and it has been with more than one.  

It is so good to hear positive experiences about relationships with providers. I know they do exist and are rare and well as far and few between but I have heard about many successful relationships in this hobby. I also agree with you regarding the comment "once a provider always a provider" was a very negative assumption and although I feel bad that he has had many bad experiences not all of us are the same. All relationships have difficulties. You just have to look outside the box in this situation not comparing it to the tradition type of relationships. Chive on

Sounds like a self description. You need to keep better company  

You are absolutely right with the statement that providers are women first and formost, I think that sometimes gets lost in discussions on this board from time to time. I have met some wonderful women over the years as well as some I wouldn't want to see again, same as in the civie world.

Some intelligence..good post.

... so if I'm an ass... may I indeed keep in like company.

a great experience wherever (s)he goes, by and large.

Written by a true man, thank you kind sir-for standing up for us women -"once a provider always a provider"-  gee I used to be a housekeeper, a rental property manager, a telemarketer a CNA & the list goes on...I'm no longer any of those things.

I once was in a relationship with a stripper. It did not work out.  
However, much of the reason why it did not work out,  is due to who we were, and not because of
what we did, as occupations go.

I met her as a provider,  there was something there.  We had great conversation and grew close.

I have already settled it for myself so flattery and criticism go down the same drain and I am quite free.”
― Georgia O'Keeffe

As I said, that was my experience. Would have been nice to meet someone who was more into relationships. Unfortunately,  I got involved with women who liked to use men.  

My, my. You are judgemental aren't you. And hype sensitive, too. From a short description of my personal experiences you have made a number of judgements on my character, associates and relationships.  

The other issue I see that can cause significant problems when hobbyists and providers date one another is the nature of how they met.  We aren't in the habit of being open about this part of our lives to people in the civvie world or being open about our civvie lives with the people we see as a hobbyist or escort.  It's certainly not an insurmountable obstacle but it is one that people who meet in civvie life seldom have to deal with.

As stated, one of the issues to overcome is "the phony societal and religious construct of monogamy."

....she and I actually talked about this very issue and we decided that because we wanted to have kids together, marriage was the framework that would give them the best "family platform" for the very reason that society puts so much value on it.  Once our kids were grounded we dissolved our marriage but had a good co-parenting plan that helped our kids develop into stable, sane adults.
If we had not wanted kids, we would have never gotten married, because you are right, the marriage license means very little to people who share my philosophy on the concept of monogamy.

but did consider one provider a friend.  

I am sure that there are providers who can transcend the John relationship but many will always look at you as a customer. To them, you will be a job - maybe a nice job but still a job. Of those, some will let you believe the relationship is more so they get more.

In my own recent experience, I had a relationship with a provider that I thought was more than it was. She talked about moving in with me once I moved out from my house prior to divorce. I stopped seeing her as a client for a few weeks and she has never called me. I am just a client.

The thing that made me the most pissed off was that I merely made a suggestion to the provider in question.  Her response was "the last thing I need is advice from a fucking john".  I will not go into further details,  but suffice to say I supported her when a lot of others would not.

I dated one of the most well known CMT massage girls a few years ago, before she got married. She was very well known on this board and by her legions of regulars. As much as we had chemistry in our personal life, it was always difficult to know and process what she was doing during the daytime to earn money, before we would hang out. I never tried to "rescue" her, as I knew she didn't want to be saved. We still occasionally run into each other and I always wonder how her husband handles it, knowing what was in her past. I do wish her well, even though I know she no longer reads this website.

I can understand how someone who owns a club would find himself with plenty of relationship opportunities, but for hobbyists it would seem like you've got to be a pretty impressive dude to attract the interest of a provider.

or you could just be yourself. After all, we're just people, client and provider alike.  

Well sure, but if you have those qualities, I'd think women who aren't providers would notice, too.

I was in a serious relationship nearly thirty years ago in LA with a provider.  I was crazy about her and did not know she provided for about a month after starting to date.  I was young at the time and stupid (not that I'm much smarter now), but could not stop being jealous over her occupation.  She treated me better than any woman I have ever known which included a couple wives and yet my insecurities finally drove her away.  I have always regretted that but actually became much more liberal with future women in my life and never had the jealousy bug bite again.  At least I have great memories of our relationship.

In my opinion, many of these relationships begin with the combo of $$$/frequent visits and when the $$$ slows down or dries up, the relationship sometimes comes to an end. Always exceptions where the money is not as important to the lady but...