Most people would agree that masturbation does not officially count as "cheating on SO".

Well then, does "assisted masturbation" by AMP staff also not count?

Yeah... I know, slow evening...

"Is"

If a blowjob does not count as sexual relations, then a handjob does not count as cheating. Unless of course your SO does not agree.

I don't think your Q will be resolved here. I suggest that you consummate the act with a willing collaborator, file divorce papers on behalf of your SO and let the courts decide

Of course, she wasn't willing to change her abstinence act.

She didn't have to be logical, of course

You go to an MP to get a massage, right?  So, what if they massage everything?  It's still a massage.  

That makes me think of a massage therapist I knew a few years ago.  She was probably a Flower Child in her youth; had a great personality and fantastic massage skills. Her philosophy was that our bodies are beautiful, every part of them, and she believed a great massage involved massaging everything, on a man or a woman (if they were comfortable with it).  Of course I was very comfortable with it. She'd segue into the HJ like it was just another part of the massage. She always remained fully clothed, and I never touched her in a sexual manner as that didn't seem appropriate.  She retired a few years ago, and I miss her.

They are proof enough that we live in the best of all possible worlds

Except, where will I find my Cunegonde?

when you least expect it

I just looked someplace else AND I wasn't expecting to find her there . Can't get any less expecting than none.

She wasn't there.

END OF MESSAGE

She's Not There.

Now I have to get this guy to explain it to you....

Wrong song. I thought you meant THESE mountains:  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFhM1XZsh6

is whether your SO thinks it's cheating.  The rest is justification and rationalization