what big organizations are there to help victims out
the police in my area are really lazy and they don't want to even arrest someone unless it is too late
my girlfriend was almost killed by a man she used to date and police could care less
how effective are restraining orders and how does the courts respond when the only evidence you have is domestic violence support groups and a diary
because it varies from place to place.
But fundamentally, a restraining order isn't worth a lot, because if one is needed, it's only because the respondent isn't particularly worried about hurting somebody.
IMHO, roommates, dogs, good locks & alarms are much more useful. Personally, I have no qualms about using firearms, but then that's because I'm confident about when and how to use them, and not many people really are. Besides, shooting people is usually very bad karma, to be avoided if at all possible.
Tnis is not a simple question, and there are no simple answers (such is life!). There are lots of organizations that will help you get a restraining order. But a restraining order is just a piece of paper. As such, it only works if the abuser is a rational person. Most aren't. The blog Wannariderher refers to illustrates just that. That unfortunate woman's abuser didn't throw gas on her because he thought it was ok because there wasn't a protective order, he did it because he's mentally deranged. Her experience in court was unfortunate, but not the cause of what happened to her. In that vein, it always helps to have one of the family violence counselors in court with you to guide you through the process. 99% of what judges do is to separate the wheat from the chaff - you would not believe the bs that judges listen to day in and day out, and unfortunately many litigants with legitimate problems don't help themselves out a lot, in fact they hurt themselves a lot, and their problems are therefore not addressed.
In some states the penalty for stalking is greater if there is a restraining order. While this won't stop a crazy it might lengthen the time (s)he is out of circulation.
I had a neighbor and her live-in boyfriend went nuts and said he was going to kill her. Most narcissist's are not going to let a piece of paper dictate their behavior. She believed him- she didn't own the house and I told her to move. Bottom line- the tro (temporary restraining order) only works after the person has broken the law and after the cops finally decided to get to your house. And my guess the loser won't stay around until the cops come- so now you are back to square one. Yes protect yourself, call the police so it is documented even if they don't do anything. But if you think a piece of paper is going to save you-it won't. Most times- you don't need to go through the police to get the tro. Depending on where you live- you can just go down to the court house and get one issued. They have made them very easy to get now. I would still get one just to document it. Nice thing about this state is you can conceal carry.
Courts are very sensitive to domestic violence- and do listen more than they use to - thanks to OJ. It is my understanding that TRO's are very easy to get now.
Police need evidence. Document anything phone calls, etcetera. Some states allow you to record on a tape recorder with one person's consent, others with both parties needing to consent for a legal recording. The difference is admissibility. Check the lobby of the local police department, often they post information about state law even though they are reluctant to act on it. Some states have in house police procedure for police domestic violence, which is higher than the rate of domestic violence of the rest of the population. You can find this out. If they don't have these policies (for example in New York a policeman may get demoted if a spouse or girlfriend complains of abuse)--write a letter to the local newspaper and find out why not. You may be asking an abuser to police something he does himself.
Local law schools and organizations have free or nearly free legal services, your police department may also have them posted. Also look at neighboring towns, they may post something that the local police won't. Be persistant,.
If you document this, they could be liable for a lawsuit if she is hurt again. Remind them of this. They may care about being sued. If you have time, investigate the police domestic abuse records!!!