I'm setting up a meeting with a new provider with no reviews. A member of this site with dozens of reviews and White List referrals however, has vouched for her. She's a couple hours away in but has agreed to come see me. She's asked that I send her 50% of the fee up front and given me her home address to mail a credit card gift card.
Even with the guy vouching for her the no review thing has me a little nervous about her somehow being connected to LE. So my question is this - does the collective wisdom of the board think I right in assuming that LE would never give out a real home address? Seems like a pretty risky and dangerous thing to do (in fact it seems risky and dangerous for her to do as well which is why I wanted to use an alias). Any thoughts would be appreciated.
but with dealing with someone with zero reviews, that's the name of the game, especially where a deposit is concerned.
If this hobbyist is someone you feel can really be trusted, then it's probably OK. If you have doubts about him, then I'd stay away.
to earn it... you have no where to complain to if she suddenly stops communicating with you. in general, this is a cash face to face game we play. While there are exceptions, newbies should avoid exception situations. Much better for you to go to her... or enough to pay for her transportation only. 2 hours away? You need to go to her or find someone closer.
If you are not VIP, than this experienced hobbiest CAN NOT have Private Messaged you on TER... whch is the only way you know he is who HE says. It could be her pimp or boy friend... or her... I see this as too risky. You are sounding more & more like a "mark". It is widely recommended that newbies stick to well reviewed providers... who have reviews & their good name & reputation as a reliable provider...
LE is not going to drive two hours out of their jurisdiction to bust you on a simple charge of solicitation. OTOH, this woman may decide to simply keep your deposit rather than drive two hours to earn the other half of her money as well. That's what I would be worried about.
Why are you reaching out to providers that are a two hours drive away from you in the first place? I can see why a woman would not want to commit to a four hour drive with assurances that it won't be a complete waste of an entire day if you flake out, but aren't there other women closer to you?
Thanks for the input Harbor, but I actually have sprung for the VIP membership so the experienced hobbiest was able to PM me. Normally I would agree with everything you said, but this guy has like 75+ reviews and has been white listed by a few dozen women.
I've also discovered that this provider in question is offering doubles with another provider who has several pages of good reviews. Still, I might not go through with it. Thanks for the input.Thanks for the input Gaga. I can only say that the kind of woman I like can sometimes be pretty hard to find where I am. Don't want to give anyone's info away so can't really say more.
first off let me say I would never send a deposit myself, BUT in light of what you are asking her to do, ie Drive two hours on only the "promise" of an appointment. I can certainly understand why she would require one.
IMO, you have to balance the credibility of the reviewer that speaks highly of her, versus the risk of her being a no show after pocketing your money. One suggestion might to be to ask her to reduce the amount of her deposit thus making it more profitable for her to actually show up rather than getting half the money for doing absolutely nothing. Keep one other thing in mind, you cannot review a no show, there has to be an actual session for you to review her, and as she is already an unknown, you don't have much leverage on her if she decides to simply pocket your money.
I am not trying to make your decision for you, just pointing out some relative facts. Good luck
OK, so you have a real referal. That's worth a lot more. It's still a long drive but this does change things. The risk is reduced but not eliminated. She has an experienced provider mentoring her. I'd go to her, preferably, but I would not rule it out. It's a lot of effort.
Remember this is a pay for Play date... you're not expecting a log trm relationship. This is not match . com or a marriage site. I'd actually suggest a #2 or #3 choice... your nerves will be bad enough without your first choice.
Incedentally, i find it best to rotate among a small group of favorite ladies...
I've also discovered that this provider in question is offering doubles with another provider who has several pages of good reviews.
Still, I might not go through with it. Thanks for the input.
Thanks again Harborview. I'm actually really impressed with the way you more experienced guys are genuinely concerned with this. So sincerely thanks for that. Since I posted I've discovered another hobbyist who has vouched for her so now I'm up to two real guys and the experienced provider she doubles with telling me she's legit. I still may back out, but I'm inclined to give it try.
Thanks again, man.Thanks Gaga, as I mentioned to Harborview, I'm really impressed with how you guys are looking out for your fellow hobbyists. So thanks for that. I may ask her to reduce the deposit, that's not a bad idea. Truthfully, the way my nerves work I'm always more worried about LE than anything else.
Thanks again, you guys are a great resource.An email is not an agreement in writing, maybe for those celebrity court TV shows but not in a real court of law. You would need a legally binding agreement with her signature, real name, address and phone number to be enforceable in court.
I don't know how much your deposit is but are you really going to go through all that trouble to protect your deposit? It will cost you more money than it is worth to take her to court and get your money back then it is worth. During a trial if she even shows up, she can testify that she is a prostitute and you were paying for sex, then what are you going to do? She can say it wasn't her behind the computer but her friend who hacked into her account, what would you do? If you give a deposit and she no-shows, do you really think you would get your money back even if you take her to court and win a judgement? The answer is NO. The more I read this thread, the more I believe this is not a good idea for you. You should consider passing and wait until you gain some more experience. I have been in the hobby for 16 years and I would never give a deposit today. There was a time many, many years ago when I might have but times have changed and today there are many more scams and ripoffs than ever before. There are lots of problems with mailing a credit card gift card. She can say she never received it or it was stolen in the mail and someone else used it. All kinds of stuff and you would be out of luck. It pretty much comes down to how much money you are willing to lose because if you send a deposit and she no shows, that money is gone forever. You have to balance that with the credibility of those reviewers who have vouched for her. You also can't be sure that the address she gave you is actually her home address. I wouldn't do it.Well said Gavia. Your last paragraph nails it: "It pretty much comes down to how much money you are willing to lose, because if you send a deposit and she no shows, that money is gone forever."
Absolutely true and that's guiding my thinking. It's a little like gambling in Vegas. If you can't afford to lose the money, don't put it on the table. I very much appreciate your thoughtful email. You more experienced guys are really great about looking out for the rest of us
Not to mention, Jula's advice was a bit out there, unless you are going to get Judge Judy to hear your case, you have no idea who to even serve a formal complaint on the matter. I wish I could give her the BOD and say that maybe she was just joking, but I think we all know better than that
Hey, at least MOST of the advice you have received here was good. lol
An e-mail (or better, a chain of e-mails) can form the basis of a binding contract.
Most states allow you to plead oral contracts (though the statute is often shorter than for written contracts). You must prove the elements (offer, acceptance, consideration), and the e-mail can form the basis of the offer and acceptance parts. Consideration doesn't have to be money - just a detriment to each party. If I tell you that I will pay you $10,000.00 to skip a party you were planning on attending, and you skip the party, you've given consideration: you forwent your opportunity to attend the party (doesn't work if you weren't planning on going in the first place). Of course, there's pleading, and there's proving, but that's a thread for a different day. And we're glossing over authentication issues, but this isn't Contracts....the short answer is that an e-mail CAN support a contract claim, in any court of law.You dare to question the genius of the great Julia aka Corrine? How dare you!
I don't know how much your deposit is but are you really going to go through all that trouble to protect your deposit? It will cost you more money than it is worth to take her to court and get your money back then it is worth. During a trial if she even shows up, she can testify that she is a prostitute and you were paying for sex, then what are you going to do? She can say it wasn't her behind the computer but her friend who hacked into her account, what would you do?
If you give a deposit and she no-shows, do you really think you would get your money back even if you take her to court and win a judgement? The answer is NO.
The more I read this thread, the more I believe this is not a good idea for you. You should consider passing and wait until you gain some more experience. I have been in the hobby for 16 years and I would never give a deposit today. There was a time many, many years ago when I might have but times have changed and today there are many more scams and ripoffs than ever before.
There are lots of problems with mailing a credit card gift card. She can say she never received it or it was stolen in the mail and someone else used it. All kinds of stuff and you would be out of luck.
It pretty much comes down to how much money you are willing to lose because if you send a deposit and she no shows, that money is gone forever. You have to balance that with the credibility of those reviewers who have vouched for her. You also can't be sure that the address she gave you is actually her home address. I wouldn't do it.
Despite the advice of my wiser brethren here, I decided to go ahead and send a Visa gift card to the provider. I sent it Express Mail so I could track it and get a signature confirmation. The package was delivered this morning. She has acknowledged receiving it, was very thankful. So at least so far she hasn't disappeared. I will be meeting her next week and will post what happens if you guys are curious to know.
Even with the guy vouching for her the no review thing has me a little nervous about her somehow being connected to LE. So my question is this - does the collective wisdom of the board think I right in assuming that LE would never give out a real home address? Seems like a pretty risky and dangerous thing to do (in fact it seems risky and dangerous for her to do as well which is why I wanted to use an alias).
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
The first thing you have to do when making a claim is serve notice on the other party, and by serving notice I don't mean to "sally rotten crotch" you have to legally serve notice with the person's full legal name in order to even start the process.
Julia's advice was ridiculous and if it were another poster most of us would have written it off as a bad joke, but in her case, given her history of giving VERY BAD; advice, we all know she meant every word of what she said.
Please don't double down on stupid by trying to defend her moronic post. You and her are starting to sound like the guy who called hotel security because someone stole his ounce of blow, I am sure you can guess how that story ended
and although I would never have done so myself, I will repeat that I don't blame her a bit for asking for the deposit as she is making at least a four hour driving commitment to you, and you are a relative unknown. So unlike many ROB's who ask for deposits without any intention of every fulfilling, she has justification for her request.
This in no way guarantees that she will show, but it improves the odds IMO.
Good luck
I agree - her idea was stupid for a number of reasons, not the least of which would be that it could potentially serve as an admission.
I was responding to the comment that an e-mail could never serve as the basis for a binding contract. That's incorrect, as are you when you state that you would have to serve someone by their 'full legal name in order to even start the process.' Several states, among them California, allow parties to name 'Does' in complaints as placeholders until the person's actual identity is known (so you can name "Jane Doe, a/k/a Sally Jane Rottencrotch" in a lawsuit). In addition, personal service is not the only way (though it is the preferred way) to start a suit. You can serve by publication, for example, and provided you've followed the proper procedure, it will be effective. "Personal service," btw, means service on an individual above the state's legal age for service. So if I wanted to sue you, the process server could go to your home, give it to your above-legal-age kid, and it would be as effective as giving it to you. Many states also have 'wingspan' rules, which allow the process server to drop the suit within your reach (i.e., your 'wingspan'), even if you make no attempt to touch it. I've seen service upheld where the process server threw the papers at the defendant, they hit him, and dropped at his feet.First of all, thanks to all the TER brothers who generously offered their sage advice. Against their (and my) best instincts I went ahead and sent a deposit to an unreviewed provider last week with plans for her to drive two hours from her location and see me today.
While there were several moments of doubt, she arrived on time and I had one of the most satisfying sessions of my time in the hobby. So at least for me, this time, there was a happy ending. In fact, there were a few
Hobby safe gents.
I can understand her wanting to protect HER interests, just as you want to protect yours. So long as you understand the risk you are taking & can afford the loss if it blows up on you. There can be no guarentees but you did all you could to assure a good outcome.
Glad it worked out.
H
You're not a legal expert? Huh.
I'm obviously not a legal expert, but I have had more exposure (on the right side of the law) than most, so I do have a basis for what I am speaking to.
As for my history of VERY BAD advice, you are certainly entitled to your opinion. I fully realize that not everyone will appreciate my input, and that's completely okay by me...but there are also a few people who actually do, much to your disappointment.
xo