Hobbyists..Your 11 Rules of the Game
Posted by catdaddy69  , 8/31/2005 9:42:20 PM  

1. There are a couple of reasons why it’s stupid to ask a provider on the phone things like whether she’ll suck your dick and fuck you senseless for 200 bucks. One, she’ll think you’re a cop; or two, she might actually be a cop. Either way, you’re gonna have a dry dick by the end of the evening.

2. Money is an aphrodisiac for providers. You want to make a provider come hard, pull out a wad of 50 dollar bills while you’re fucking her and fan it in her face (don’t try this with a handful of ones---doesn’t work as well).

3. If she says, “You’re the type of guy I’d date outside the business,” just leave it at that and don’t be the buster offering to ‘take her away from all this’. One, she hears it all the time; and two, you’re paying her to soup your head up so just let her do her thang.

4. Don’t ask a provider her real name. She calls herself Mercedes because using Bertha Redenbacher is bad for business, no matter how good she looks.

5. Speaking of names, if you happen upon your provider in church or the grocery store, don’t yell out, “Hey, Mercedes…what’s up!” Discretion is an unwritten rule in this game. Don’t fuck it up for the rest of us with your big mouth.  

6. If your provider is fine as hell, she already knows. Don’t spend 45 minutes of your hour with her droning on about her beauty. Just tell her she’s got nice feet, but in the back of your mind give yourself a high five for finally booking some quality ass.

7. If your dick is between 6-8 inches long, no she’s not impressed. A wallet that is between 6-8 inches thick, now that’s another story.

8. Be considerate of others. Don’t be hobbying during your outbreaks. And don’t lie about those pus-filled bumps when she asks you what they are.

9. Don’t wait 30 minutes into the date to find out if she a rip off. If she wants the money before she touches your dick, something is likely to go very wrong. Not always, but likely. Proceed at your own risk.

10. Speaking of rip offs, if your butt naked in the bed waiting while she’s fully dressed and tells you that she needs to get something from her car, it ain’t looking good for you.

11. Lastly, resist the urge to eat her pussy. Even though it’s her body, even she thinks you’re a nasty motherfucker for going where you know an unknown number of dicks dwelled. But then again, I can say the same thing about my last girlfriend. Disregard this one, gents.