OK here goes.lol after 10+ yrs have u had an ex pop back into ur life? They have finally grown up and became what u thought they could be.. And said they are wanting a second chance with you. Yet u r with someone else that isn't perfect. What would u do?

END OF MESSAGE

Well the ex I had a kid with n was my first blah blah blah..
My bf of 9ys I love alot but he is a mess n there r alot of downs with

You don't make sense you said he grew up but then you said he's a mess I think you are the one with the problem.

Or you can make the practical decision and choose the guy who has more money/assets/prospects. Also, which guy is better in the sack? If the sex is unsatisfying, then people are gonna cheat or you'll need to make arrangements for each of you to get the satisfaction you desire.

No I said the x grew up. But the person I'm with is a mess. 2 different ppl

Well if it comes to who is better in bed.lol the x puts out more n ain't been with him in over 10yrs so not sure how good he is..he might of learned a few thing. My bf hardly puts out but is a u in bed when he tries

The current one surely sounds like a disaster with no hope of improvement..  I'd drop  
him... I'd rather be alone than be with  a total  dud..

You have grown and are somebody different than who you were  
10 years ago.  And so is he.   I would keep moving forward.  And probably get rid of the relationship your in now. It doesn't sound like he is fulfilling all your needs or you wouldn't even be considering this.  

 
Best of luck

Kisses

Elle Vegas

Stay with your current guy. You love the drama of being with a bipolar fuck and can't deal with a stable personality.

Wow that was kinda rude... I am a fixer. Have this thing with fixing ppl. No clue y tho. But do want stable n been with stable be4

However you said at the beginning that "My bf of 9ys I love alot but he is a mess n there r alot of downs with".  Doesn't seem fixed.  And it has been 9 years.  Just sayin....

Ya he is seeing a doctor finally n on his way.. But I know its not gonna last n so just seeing where things go

I think you need help your on a public board asking people who knows little to nothing about you relationship advice. I call that crazy.

An EX  is an EX!   There was a reason he / she became an EX. LOL. Move on.

A Zebra can never change his stripes..

do that??? How much time do women waste on trying to fix someone? And most times it doesn't work, but the few times it does, the fixed dumps the fixer and moves on to someone else. Sigh. You can't help someone who doesn't want help. You need a partner, not a project. You'll never ever get what you want out of a project. Save that for old houses and rescued dogs. You'll only ever get treated how you treat yourself. And when you don't give yourself the respect of a decent equal partner, you deny both yourself and the other person happiness. That's codependency. Dump your current dude and do as Elle says- move onward and upward. Your current guy is an albatross around your neck, and until you learn to revere yourself more than some dumb guy, you'll not be ready for a good, solid relationship. Take time out of romance to find yourself and fall madly in love with yourself. Once you do that, you'll become irresistible. :

stupid or just plain lazy kiddo... You cannot change or mold someone into a way of life you want.. They have to make the change for themselves and be committed to such change. If he cared, he'd change....

... why some people feel the need to be in a relationship of ANY kind.  
I love my lifestyle ...  I do what I want, when I want, how I want.
I do not have to compromise my lifestyle to suit anyone else, ever.
IMHO ... it doesn't get any better than being single.

Edited to add:
I do NOT have any children either and I thank G-d for that every day too

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


-- Modified on 7/17/2015 5:50:16 AM

I totally agree. N ex is an x for a reason. But the x has changed. He became an x bc he wanted drugs n booze over me n his son. That was 12yrs ago. He is now clean n has been for 6yrs. He is stable now as well . so that is I guess what is bothering me. As for the current I know that is a project not a relationship. But for the time being its what is on my plate

Thank you everyone for ur 2 cents. It has given me alot to think about..  
The x n I have been talking n will c where things go. The current has lost the battle. Lol

May it go well for you and if not.. oh well... There are plenty of fish in the sea... Glad you ditched the real dud... Don't be tied into anyone who you'll keep you down and unhappy...

Is he aware that you are still in the biz?  Great that he has 6 yrs sober - but that can be a dangerous time for folks like him (and me) - anyone from the past can be a 'trigger' and sometimes (I said 'sometimes') it can remind us of just how easy it is to fall back into that style of living.

When we get sober we walk a 'fine line' - sobriety is nothing to be played with.  If he is comfortable with 'who' and 'what' he is and understands and accepts his problem, then you might be the support he need to keep on the 'sober' path, BUT, it can go the other way in a hart beat.

I do not know either of you, but I do know you have been in the biz for a few years now and you have seen the good and bad in folks - you know better than anyone if your able to 'help' or 'enable' him.  This lifestyle take a lot out of normal relationship and when you are dealing with being intimate with others, that is a hard pill to swallow for some men.

In closing, if you do choose to go back, seek professional counseling (for both of you) and tell that consolor EVERYTHING about you and he must be equally as honest about himself.  If he did the 12 steps, he will not have a problem with doing just that (being open and honest)

I hoped this helped in some small way - good luck.
 

Yes he knows I'm in the biz n wants to take care of me so I can stop.. He got clean to get me back. He saw his wrongs n fixed them.

Good for him and you - wish you guys the best!
 

I am not one for relationships that require strings and rules, though. It works great for my parents, but I could never be tied down to anyone nor could I live with them. If they know you hobby, that's one thing but no way in hell I could try to date whilst doing this... how does your vagina keep up lol. Boyfriends generally expect to fk A LOT, and what if you are sore when you have an extended date? I just see it as a total dead end.

The current has no sex drive.. N the the x doesn't want me doing this so it will just b him taking care of me.

I wish I would've been so kind.

-- Modified on 7/21/2015 10:02:35 PM