Mattel Announces the Launch of Barbie for the Broward County, Florida Market:

Boca Raton Barbie : This princess Barbie is only sold at the Boca Raton Towncenter. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Mercedes, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a country club membership. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version.

Davie Barbie : This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased her beer-gutted boyfriend Ken out of her triple decker. Her make-up is dark red lip liner with your choice of lips covered in a sparkly pink or no fill-in at all. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with assorted colored G-strings that stick out the back and a white see-through halter-top. Accessories include: CD-player equipped with Bon Jovi and a rusty old Ford pick up.

Plantation Barbie : This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with your choice of Lexus SUV or Ford Windstar minivan. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Optional matching gym outfit.

Ft. Lauderdale Barbie : This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with tinted windows and her own Meth Lab kit. This model is available after dark and can be paid for only in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you're a cop. Then we don't know what you're talking about.

Parkland Barbie : This yuppie Barbie comes with choice of a BMW sports car or a souped up Hummer 2. Included are her own Starbucks cup and credit card. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. But you can't afford them anyway.

Tamarac Barbie : This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a Harley Davidson shirt and has a tattoo of a Tweety bird on her shoulder. She has big, stiff hair, a six pack of Bud Light and a Lynard Skynard CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and can kick Mullet-haired Kenny doll's ass when she's drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get its NASCAR bumper stickers absolutely free.

Lighthouse Point Barbie : This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard-print beach outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while she entertains friends at the beach house. Percocet prescription available.

Deerfield Beach Barbie : This doll is made of wrinkled skin, has gray hair and archless feet, spends the day in her beach condo, wears sandals with white socks, no makeup and has a mutt. She prefers that you call her "Granny".

Cooper City Barbie : This soccer mom Barbie comes with a Suburban or Minivan and comes equipped with TV, VCR and DVD player and baby car seats or boosters for the 8 kids permanently attached to the seats of the vehicle. This toddler toting Barbie comes with cell phone, pager, palm pilot, and dressed in gym clothes with Nike Air tennis shoes. Vehicle of choice comes with Jesus fish and stuffed Tiger with suction cup paws to stick on rear window. Bumper sticker for honor roll student and Chuck E Cheese Pizza optional.