1.  The difference between a wife & a girlfriend is often   45lbs.  The difference between a husband & & boyfriend is frequetly 45min.

2.  The difference between a new wife & a new dog is that after a year the dog is still excited to see you.

3.  What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?  The same thing that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

4.  What do you call a smart blonde?  A golden retriever.

5.  What's the quickest way to clear out a crowded mens restroom?  Just say "Nice dick."