The makers of Preparation H, a well know
treatment for haemorrhoids, today recalled
all of their products from store shelves
nationwide.

Reports of tampering have surfaced and,
upon investigation, officials have found
evidence that someone has inserted a form
of deadly poison into the products which,
if used, will kill instantly.

Reports are just now beginning to trickle
in however, it appears that thus far the
tampered with Preparation H may be
responsible for the deaths of at least a
dozen....assholes.