I am a naturally adventurous person who enjoys trying new things (If you've ever read about enneagram numbers I'd be a 7, the enthusiast ) so getting into BDSM for me was all about acting on curiosities and learning as I went along. I'm of the mind that it doesn't hurt to experiment or try something, best case scenario I enjoy it, worst case it isn't fun but at least now I know!

On my website I have my personal history with BDSM laid out and a bit about how each of my main interests came to pass and grow out of one another. Sometimes things that seem extreme but are strangely enticing become pleasurable only with the right person. I think there are some fetishists out there for whom their fetish is more important than the chemistry (as with vanilla activities it can be for some people more about the physical) but in my experience and observation for the vast majority of people having the mental and emotional connection in place is what makes an encounter really fulfilling and exciting.

BDSM isn't that different from other ways that humans connect- however when practiced well it is really a mode of communication and a language to tap into deep desires and pleasure. One of the things I like best about S&M is the space and time it gives people to consider and express their true needs and wants.

I do not recall any time in my life when I did not have BDSM fantasies of one kind or another that you would probably call "extreme", at least if acted out.

I do enjoy BDSM play from time to time with my wife. I got into it mostly because my wife enjoyed it before we met and she gave it up for me. We have always made time to explore each others fantasies, underwater sex, ice cave sex, mile high club, role play, multiple partners, ect. I was a bit afraid of BDSM because of being raped in the past past I was afraid it would remind me of it. One day I decided since I trusted my wife with my well being, and she enjoyed it, I would give it a shot.

Funny thing, it did, but it turned out to be a good thing. It made me face it in a safe way. I can now talk openly about it when before I could not. It made me realize I am stronger then I was then.

My wife and I about once a month or so switch top and bottom roles and do some BDSM as we both enjoy both roles. I am mostly a vanilla guy but I do enjoy an occasional hour or two of BDSM play. We go farther then light spanking and silk ropes. We do engage in flogging, bondage, slapping, heavy spanking, paddling, wax and ice play. I am not into edge or humiliation play at all. I do love role play though.

Please note I only engage in this kind of play with my wife. I don't do the costumes, nor do I belong to an BDSM clubs. I am not into the lifestyle all that much at all.

Now why do I enjoy those heavier parts of BDSM?

What I enjoy most about taking the submissive roll is I love to please and get a kick out of watching my wife get off flogging me or ordering me around. A close second is for a while I only have one think to worry about, pleasing my wife. It is great also stress relief. I don't really get off on the pain, but the fact I get to let go for awhile something I rarely do.PlusI get to face some of my fears in a safe way as well which is also a bonus.

What I enjoy about being the top is barking orders an watching my wife complete them no matter how silly they are. I also love the fact I know my wife loves being the bottom and pleasing me. She is a bit of a pain slut. I love pushing her and I always enjoyed watching/giving corporal punishment to a hot female. Great fun. Yes, I do have my sadistic side.

I posted a question a while back that the answers you may find enlightening. The question is "What do you like best about BDSM?" Link is below.

http://www.theeroticreview.com/discussion_boards/viewmsg.asp?BoardID=55&SortBy=DateCreated%20desc&SearchType=1&Author=scoed&DayFrom=3000&DayTo=0&MessageID=2064&frmSearch=1#2064

Anther thread you may be interested in is "Why I love D/S. Why do you?" link below.

http://www.theeroticreview.com/discussion_boards/viewmsg.asp?MessageID=1059&boardID=55&page=

Enjoy.

I can say we are all damaged in some way.  Thousands of dollars on a shrink later we all have own reasons, so not everyone has the same interests!  I have way to many activities that I enjoy to even list here.  I started BDSM play as an outcall nude entertainer in my early twenties none of the escorts catered to fetishes at the time, so I was there only San Diego Mistress.  My 1st call was CBT & I took materials from the desk at the hotel he was staying at to inflict pain, which brought him pleasure.  I used paper clips & rubber bands on his testicals -& penis until they were purple.  He payed very well & was a happy man!  I was hooked & love to be in charge! xoxo

Smile 4 me!

Brother Lovinladies6969,
Thanks for posting your questions on the board.
Just remember, there is no silly question except for the one that you dont ask.
While I am certainly not the most experienced person on this board - my experienced started almost accidentally with a now ex girlfriend - a very tiny Asian lady.
The ex and I both loved doggie style sex and one evening I was humping away quite nicely when I playfully spanked her very cute butt.  She squealed very nicely and so I gave her several playful spanks.  To my surprise, she said "keep going - more, more".  Well being a man and not a mindreader, I assumed she wanted more doggie sex - so I kept going.
Well of course, what she really wanted more spanking. She really enjoyed it and I discovered that I loved the control aspect of it.  very quickly I found that she just wanted to give up control to me once we got into the bedroom.  We had a blast.
The ex once told me something very interesting that I have shared with a couple of people here - she said that while she was balanced across my knee getting an OTK spanking - one part of her was saying "What if the blows never stop" - while her mind was saying "I trust him completely - he would never hurt me".
The thing that sticks out in my mind and what I remember is that she trusted me to look after her when she was at her most vulnerable. I would never have betrayed that trust.   Its the trust of my partner that I enjoy
What sub partners have told me is that they like to surrender control to their dom.  The ex girlfriend was a financial controller of a small city and she was constantly making decisions and being responsible for all sorts of things - there was a lot of pressure on her. Once she got into the bedroom and in private, all she wanted to do was escape this and have somebody esle make the decisions.
Now I am sure that everybody has a different beginning - but I thought I would share this with you.

Those paddles from London Tanners that i have been lusting for arrived.  i dropped into Sanctuary-LAX to play with my friend, Entropy (of Entropyland.com).  i had brought an assortment of floggers, a crop, paddles.  Entropy added his leather gloved hands and some edge play (knifes that were tucked into his boots. Our play isn't just the implements used to hit and whack at me.  They are used as smell arousal with the leather held up to my nose, tactical arousal of different textures/elements being drawn across my skin - all over my body,  different parts of my body are grabbed, caressed, stroked and yes, hit at different degrees of impact.  This play isn't done by rote, no two dances are ever the same.  i have played with Entropy for eleven years.  We play rough, we go at it until i ask for mercy (which hardly ever happens) or he runs out of unmarked skin he feels is safe to mark.  He has actually remarked to me that his arms ached the next day.

This is a special relationship.  It is built on trust, honesty, giving to one another that which we yearn for and need.  i need to serve, i need to hand over my power to another that needs to take it, needs to shower me with His power.  The stings, the hurts, the marks are like flowers that remind me of what an excellent time i had.  i will miss them when they fade.  i look forward to playing again.

i cannot do this dance with everyone i meet.  i don't know them, they don't have the experience, the skill, the years of knowing me, knowing how my body works, knowing how far i can dive before i must come up for air.  i can dabble, do small skits, do limited scenes/explorations with other people that wish to explore.  That contact, that connection is valid and authentic and of value.  For me, that is the purpose of life, to make connections with one another.

How did i get here?

When you ask this question, we we all give you a different answer because for each of us the journey has been different, Our paths/lives are different, what we like and enjoy on the buffet table that is BDSM and Fetish is dependent on our personal tastes, desires, lusts, wants and needs, infatuations.

i grew up in a neighborhood at a time when we went out on the street to find the other kids on our block that were available to play.  In our different yards we played freeze tag, jump rope, double dutch, and role play.  Role play excited me.  i loved being a pirate and fighting my way onto the other ship with my comrades, i liked *more* being the damsel that was taken and bound and threatened and struggling to get free, and then rescued.  We did Cowboys and Indians, Cops and Robbers too.  The play that involved suspending reality and creating a fantasy has always been enjoyable for me.

When i was older, i found sex to be just wonderful, one of god's greatest gifts to mankind.  i loved giving a BJ in the boys room or in the bushes behind the music room. i loved doing it this way and that way and with girls and boys.  i liked the way it felt and how i felt, the rush, the joy.  i didn't like all the stuff attached to it (what people would later refer to as "drama").  i knew better than to explore with anyone in my school, and eventually learned that one needed to find others of like mind if i was to enjoy what i liked and not have repercussions i didn't want.

And that concept held over to partners that i asked to pull my hair, and spank my bottom.  There were people receptive to that and people that weren't.

Why does spanking appeal to me?  It feels good.  The blood rushes all up and into my bottom and it gets physically warm.  My spanking last night left my skin very warm to the touch for hours.  When a man gets aroused, the blood rushes into his cock.  Having blood rush into my lower abdomen, my bottom makes all my sexual organs aroused too.  It enhances and heightens the physical sensations of my body.

For me personally, impact play and certain kinds of other pain turn my body on.  Even though my mouth used to say "no", my cunt was wet.  My cunt told the truth of how my body reacts to sensations.   i will cum from physical play without penetration nor genital stimulus.

Why some people and not others are drawn to this play?

For me, it is my understanding that some of us are hardwired different.  Like cats that naturally hunt are hardwired that way, some of us are masochists and/or sadists.  Perhaps it is built in or our lives are different, i cannot answer for everyone.

i have found that when people start exploring, and finding that different sensations appeal to them and that they can enjoy pleasure from many stimulus other than penetration fucking, there is a curiosity that clicks on.  Why eat meat and potatoes everyday when there is so much more available to entice your pallet?

What excites people is as different as people are.  Some people will almost turn their head off their body with their eyes following a pair of hot boots.  Other people love being wrapped in cocoons and their sight and hearing taken away (sensory deprivation).  You never know you "thing" unless you explore how your personal "legos" are snapped together.

No 2 people are the same just as no 2 people have the same fingerprints? For me it started when I was about 8, I used to visit an aunt who had the prettiest feet you could ever imagine, she would be on the phone constantly and thought nothing of her 8 year old nephew playing with her feet while she was busy on the phone, as a matter of fact I think she really liked it. I would do everything imaginable to those sexy feet, smell, kiss, lick, massage to my hearts content. One day a few years later while playing with her feet my aunt rested one foot right on my groin area, from that moment on I knew that I loved female feet. Soon after my aunt moved away and there went my passion, but my parents found an elderly lady to watch me for a few hours until they got home.
This woman had a granddaughter and watched 2 other young girls in the afternoons, all of the girls took ballet classes. After a few weeks the girls noticed me constantly staring at their ballet slipper clad feet, and started torturing me with their feet, making me worship their feet, then one day one of them got upset with me and kicked me right in my groin, the pain was unbearable but I had a huge hard on! Now many years later I refuse to even date a woman unless she has sexy feet, and wears sexy shoes ie: sandals, ballet flats, mules, pumps. If a woman wears sneakers too much, or those ghastly UGG boots, or crocs, she could look like Jennifer Lopez and for me its a no go!

When I was in my 40's, I had girlfriend in New Orleans, a recently divorced beautiful redhead with a marvelous body who, during sex with me, would bite my nipples and insert her fingers into my anus, twisting and thrashing as I thrusted. I would spank her while we did it doggie-style, but I was not expert at knowing where to spank, so she'd complain. I once threatened her during one of our marathon sexual bouts with forcing her to have anal sex, and, to "one-up" me, rather than skittishly titter as many women do to dissuade, she turned around, spread her cheeks, and let me ravage her anus while she bit the pillow and grunted, not to give me the satisfaction of hearing her moan for mercy and then out of pleasure. Then she took a wetted hotel hand towel to near-clinically clean her anus and my penis.  "Now, that's done," she said when finished, meaning both the cleaning and that experience with her. As you can gather, we had a "competitive" relationship sexually, so, to "one-up" her, I went to my first commercial dungeon session in New Orleans, which lasted two hours and was extraordinary, just extraordinary. When I told her about it, her first words were shock and surprise and disapproval, and then serious envy--she wanted all the details so that I spent over 30 minutes talking about a two hour session. From then on, there was no turning back.