One of the things I like the most about the D/S community is that at least in my experience, it tends to be a very cerebral group. This is a cerebral post. Thoughts on why I enjoy submission, and a question about why the men or women may enjoy it and for the dominant women, about why they enjoy dominance.
The other day I was thinking about why I like submission. What is it that compels me to seek out sexually dominant women? Because it is really a compulsion. It isn’t something that I think that one day I could just turn off. It’s a part of me. More than a curiosity or a pleasure seeking endeavor, it’s sort of a combination of both.
Great sessions leave me completely relaxed, as though I’ve had a massage. For me great sessions are sessions where there is little play acting. The dom is the dom. She is herself with no affectation. I am myself. There is something about being exposed, not just in nakedness but in perversion. (if that’s the right word). There is something about the sting of a bare hand on my bare ass and something about a woman who is enjoying my predicament that pulls me in.
There is something about being pushed to try new things. Exploring new boundaries partly through choice, because of course there are always safe words, but partly through compulsion, not of pure compulsion but of purposefully subjected compulsion, where I am literally putting myself in her hands and saying, yes, compel me to do things that I am not sure I want to do. I want to please you. I want you to smile or laugh. I want you to be turned on because of something that you were able to do with me. (to me?)
Being penetrated is like that too. It’s this tabu sensation. This sense of violation. For me it may be different. I was raped as a child. I’d blocked it out of my mind until quite recently. But choosing to let, have, a beautiful woman, for her own pleasure, enter me and stretch me somehow makes the pain of the childhood experience disappear. This is by choice. I may be bound, but I am bound more by choice and by mind than by leather or chains.
What is it that you enjoy? Why do you submit? For the women, why do you enjoy submissive men? Is it a compulsion? Is this too deep for a place like this?
well i dont have much 2 ad to that, a lot is true for me too (not the rape part). i guess i have always been submissive to women. and im not even meaning in just the sense of BDSM or femdom but in the most conventional aspects of a relationship.
women have always run me. bat their eyelashes at me and i know there is nothing i will say no to. ive been used and manipulated and fully aware of the use and manipulation as it happened and have found myself very content with it. i love to please and to be used for her pleasure in every conceivable way sexually and non sexually.
even with providers ive offered myself for use in off clock instances like cleaning their house or picking up their dry cleaning etc and every so often they put me to use. i figure why not it benefits them and pleases me to serve them.
i gave up trying to figure out why i am this way there is really no point to it it just is what it is and im content with it so i dont need to bother asking why i just enjoy it.
that is, You always love the one you hurt, the one you shouldn't love at all.
Sorry, couldn't resist.
I like the idea of being domminated as long as I think the woman is finding pleasure in it.
Whether it is asuaging guilt over my own perceived please at her expense or something even deeper is a mystery to me still.
...the unknown and when she is into pleasuring me as a reward,the orgasms are usually extraordinarily intense.
-- Modified on 5/1/2011 3:11:33 PM
I have enjoyed playing with ladies who are submissive and into restrictive bondage and role play scenes. I have found several here (on TER) that I have had a tremendous time with, and they thorughly played the scenes expertly. On one occasion, and to be honest I was very surprised when she agreed to play this scene, she expressed her disappointment in the way I wanted to set up the scene (she told me this after we were done...and frankly I was incredibly turned on as she told me how she wanted to do the next scene). But as she only comes to Chicago occasionally, I will have to wait for that return visit. I have asked several other ladies (one of which is around here...and you know who you are) who declined for various reasons (which I certainly understand).
Now on the other side of the ledger, I just went to see a Mistress who did a scene with me as the sub. I had only tried that one other time (and it was more of a tease and denial session), but this was more into sensuous Dom and sub. I found the entire scene very relaxing (albeit my ass was sore for a couple of days...but it did feel "good"). But again the trust to allow a complete stranger to have me in a positon that was "compromising" was exhilarting, but also cautious.
I find the entire BDSM community to be a much different mindset than "escorts". A much different trust is required, and all those that I have met and been involved with seem very "real" about their interests.
However, I'm neither sub nor dom. I'm purely bottom w/o the restraints. I like having my rear caned until I'm in the endorphin space. Spanking is too close to humiliation role-playing which I won't participate in and flogging overall is too wearing because it's too slow. So, I bottom with a first-rate Top who knows how to use a cane.
Generally speaking, a professional dominatrix acts as a "service Top" when she plays with you. In other words, they are helping to realize your fantasy, not theirs (although they might get to do SOME things that they enjoy, too). That same woman might play completely differently in her private life or at a non-pro dungeon setting.
And, yes, it is all about trust, to be sure. That's what I like so much about it!
And the thoughts it stirs...
Thanks Le Chiffre (Gawd I hope I spelled that right!) for fighting for the board. If you need a co-moderator at any point I'd be happy to volunteer.
...wood.