I joined there back in October, never having played in that world and just being curious. I had an electronic flirtation with a very interesting gal whose pictures Tineye proved to be fake. I've received about a dozen inquiries, most of which were pulled because the sender was breaking the rules of the site. I've sent about a dozen PMs to women on the site who fit my profile but haven't heard anything back. Has anyone else used this site successfully? I haven't even gone on it in weeks and am thinking of cancelling. I am not into hardcore BDSM but would like to experiment with someone who's mildly submissive.
Yes, when it didn't work out between me and a serious BDSM partner, i have gone to those sites.
Truly, they are packed with people that put up fake images and fake personalities.
However, some people are authentic.
Mostly, i recommend looking for friends on these sites, or locals you can meet up with at local munches, socials or activities. A lot of the local BDSM membership clubs have classes, insights that you can attend for free. On the collar me dot com and bondage dot com sites there are "Event" boards.
i know people in the scene who met on alt dot com, they are few and far between, it can happen though.
If you are curious about BDSM and have no idea where to start, finding a good provider, such as myself, who will be glad to introduce you to basics, explain tools and skills is also an answer. i have had many such sessions, simply giving a BDSM and D/s dynamic 101 course.
Or look in your area for basic classes. shops like Pleasure Chest, Stockroom, Babeland, your local upgrade sex stores might have classes or know where classes are.
Sadly, a lot of the members on alt dot com are there to wank off and grab your cyber attention but have intention of meeting you.
have fun!
~a
I don't have experience with either site, but I do know that Collar Me has at least been making efforts to have meet 'n greets for its members at BDSM clubs like Lair De Sade here in L.A. That said, I think you time and attention would be better spent on FetLife, which is free of charge. It's basically the Facebook of Kink, and both submissann and I are on there. (My FetLife profile is OwThatHurtsSoGood, not LeChiffre, BTW.)
I'm a big fan of the Freedom of Fetish podcast, and I believe the host, Raven, said that the female members of Collar Me become so overwhelmed by the number of men PM-ing them that they eventually start ignoring their Inbox, and the men become frustrated because they never hear back from many of the women. (That said, the men not receiving responses probably also don't have very thoughtful introductions of themselves and almost take a "form letter" approach, mass mailing several women with the same "canned" message, instead of carefully reading the woman's profile and drafting something that demonstrates that the man actually read the profile.)
Thanks, LeC. Good ideas. As for messaging, I never sent anything canned. It was always individual and crafted to appeal to the way the person I was contacting presented herself. Still didn't work, maybe because, as you said, they were never read. I'll check out FetLife.
I have been in the Lifestyle for well over twenty years beginning as a bottom and growing into a Dominant. I have spent time on both Alt and Collarme. Both are fine for entertainment value but little more. Fetlife is a different in that it seems to be populated by more real and sincere people. If you are truly interested in this world, I would suggest that you get involved in your local Lifestyle group and meet some people who share your interests. Most have programs that cater to those new to the Lifestyle who are interested in learning more. Be very careful about meeting someone you get to know online....
Thanks for your thoughtful response. Not sure what I'll do.
PS: Like your pix but it seems we're on opposite coasts! Drat!
With everything you must weed out the bull shit have you tried Maxfisch?
I was kind of hoping Fetlife would not come up since for the most part it is a lifestyler oriented site. Generally, there has always been a separation between professional kink and lifestyle kink even down to the national conventions. Yes there is crossover, however depending upon the local scene the two sides often do not mix heavily.
I concur with a few others if one wants to approach this from a lifestyler point of view then join Fetlife find your local groups and get your butt to a munch or two.
As for collarme, I had a personal account there when they first started along with bondage.com and alt.
Sadly, if you are male looking for a partner, for the most part they are a waste of time because of simple math. Usually the ratio is about 3:1 or more male to female. All a woman has to do is put up a profile without photos and wait 5 mins (in some cases 10 mins) and trolls come rolling in. For men unless you are gorgeous and can write in a way that appeals to women, you're lucky if you get one or more "legitimate" replies in a month. The only way you could increase the odds on a site like ALT is to pay for the gold package, plus guaranteed top of all searches. Last I checked that will run you about 150 to 200 a year depending upon the site. Think of it as trying to fish on an over crowded pier. The fish have so many hooks to choose from their going to go after the most appealing. In addition, most women are inundated so the path of least resistance is to let the men flock to them and not answer ads.
If you go the Fetlife route lets be clear, TER is an escort industry site ie professional. Fetlife was created for those of us who are more or less lifestylers. I'm sure you understand Fetlife and TER have little in common and in a sense different universes. Of course I will presume you are socially competent enough to already know this and behave accordingly.
Good luck
Sincerely,
Lee Dreams
Edamus, bibamus, gaudeamus
It's been my experience that most women who play professionally (at least, at pro dungeons) also are lifestyle players in their free time. They just get to play how THEY want to play, not how the client wants to play, which is why they tend to do both. I know, because I'm FetLife Friends with several of them.
It's true that TER is largely populated by escorts, some of whom perform additional BDSM and fetish services, and that these women really aren't lifestyle at their core. Therefore, they wouldn't necessarily be found on FetLife.
But you bring up excellent points, dreamsescorts, and part of the purpose of this message board is to help hobbyists find that very rare group of women who top or bottom and potentially include sexual services as part of that play, when it is desired by the client. THAT's something that would be verboten to discuss on FetLife, I'm sure, as most pro players don't perform sexual services and tend to shun those who do.
Grey Poupon: "But of course".
We're on the same page.
Sincerely,
Lee Dreams
" It's all about integrity"
Thank you for your thoughtful response, and, no, I am not a lifestyler and don't want to become. Therefore, I will avoid Fetlife.
Real kinksters