It starts with physical attraction. How does the potential Mistress look in her photos. But, that said, it's far more important, at least to me, that there's some type of "connection" between us. Do I think we'll feel comfortable with each other? Will I feel like we at least like each other a bit? Can we both be open about who we are? Can we talk to one another after a session is over, etc.? Or is it just a monetary transaction for a service provided? Sure, needs/desires change, but knowing you're playing with someone that understands you as more than a paying customer makes all the difference.

A newbie speaks

My experience does not compare to just about anyone else on this board, but this is the exactly the question that weighs on my mind whenever I consider making contact with a provider.

I look for the "erotic," I believe. My very first experience was with Mika Tan at the Bunny Ranch a few years ago. For me, Mika struck an excellent balance between the "fetishy" experience that turns me on (particularly boots & collars) and the GFE explorations that provide deeper satisfaction.

I've also seen Mistress Persephone. I can't imagine anyone being a better Domme than Persephone, but there's absolutely no GFE involved when it comes to her.

Ideally, I'd like to combine Persephone's devious Domme skills with Mika's fantastic GFE approach.

Both are quite down to earth and have great senses of humor, qualities I value highly.

I don't know if that provides you with the answer you were looking for. If not, keep asking!

Thanks!

P.S.: I would rather see just one

I would rather build a relationship with just one person than play the field. We are complicated animals. It is fun, I believe, to explore the vagaries of a mind you already think you "know."

Ideally, that person would even be willing to switch on occasion, putting on not only the thigh-boots but also the bolero straitjacket and seeing how the encounter progressed.

Thanks again!

just GFE sessions with some BDSM added in.

So, for now, I would need to have the erotic element be dominant for me to enjoy it.

But, tastes evolve, and I could see where the pain = pleasure aspect begins to dominate.

When I have a BDSM session I am looking for some sort of catharsis and one way to mess it up terribly is to try to make it too erotic, which is what usually happens. The mind gets confused by the conflicting signals.

Having said that, I have had a magical experience of being caught somewhere in between pleasure and pain, fantasy and reality, and it was psychologically powerful and liberating beyond any words I have to describe it. Only happened once, unfortunately.

As for how I select a Mistress, I look for something on the website that pushes my buttons and makes me think we will connect. I usually start by sending an email with a brief outline of what I am into. If she follows up with "when would like to schedule a session" that is the end of it. If it's "tell me more" then I write a more detailed letter and then we're good to go.

Only once have I visited the same Mistress a second time, but this is mostly because the ones I had a good time with weren't local and it was hard to repeat.

with a strong dominant approach, then I'm not interested in any domination on it's own.
The erotic component is essential.

My 50+ reviews here and on Max Fisch establish that I've sought experience in both the BDSM world, the hobbyist world, and the Venn diagram intersection of the two. To me, nothing compares to a good BDSM experience combined with a good hobbyist experience, let alone a great BDSM experience coupled with a great hobbyist experience. Looks, to me, are unimportant. Beyond the first 10 minutes, how a woman looks is overtaken by how skilled and talented she is. Yes, brilliant non-sexual BDSM and brilliant vanilla sex approach the combination of good BDSM and good sex. The eroticism of a brilliant sex-BDSM practioner, such as Tatooed Asian Kim, Submissive Angel, Betty or the now retired Malissa and NetMichelle, is truly mind-blowing. Face up on a bed with my hands tied to the bedpost over my head, the dominant truly riding the seat of power "Cowgirl" fashion, fully in control, twisting my nipples to sustain my erection, then reverse Cowgirl as she inserts her fingers into my anus, her fleshy hips rolling on my restrained thighs, long after I cum, until she cums--these are memorable. Or the extremely talented Betty of SNJ giving one of her 45 minute BBBJNQNS while handcuffed to her bed, with her pulling on nipple clamps, forcing me to suck her fingers,  and then inserting a vibrating dildo until I am violated in all orifices and cum explosively after 45 mintues---experiences to last a lifetime.

And yet I've had equally memorable experiences from BDSM dommes with no overtly GFE experience--too many to name, all non-sexual BDSM dommes but with absolutely two common characteristics: They were exceptionally skilled in the technology and psychology of BDSM --and that includes TENS/PES/ and sounds--and they came during the session--they were sexually aroused by tormenting a man, even if, among the best, they clearly preferred women to men for their vanilla sex lives. And, as my reviews here will attest, there are many vanilla escorts whose skills rate a 10.

So--a skilled practitioner of BDSM combined with skilled as an escort is only closely matched--never bested--by exceptional BDSM skills or exceptional vanilla skills.

i love beauty, and clairjordan is beautiful, but exponentially more important is the MIND of the Domme.

it has to be a "fit" and good communication is key.  I am  "pleaser", what really really excites me is the look in Her eyes.  Nothing compares to the almost surprise, when She actually gets me to push my barriers, and do that sensually humiliating act for HER pleasure.  Or the hungry look that she has to "take me", to erotically exploit me, and the I love it when She sort of rubs my face in the fact that she is in conrtrol, either with mirrors, showing me or Her satisfied smile.

I do NOT like a mean harsh bitchy domme, not into pain, not into some one yelling or cussing at me.

Authenticity is of utmost importance.  I really would rather NOT do something that I find erotic if She does not.  We need to find common ground or me find a different Domme.  I do not want Her to manufacture enthusiasum for my fantasy.

I am also a bit of a whore, so I do need the combination of "regular" session, instead of a Domme who insists on no sexual contact.

But the psychologically oriented woman, who understands that the key to control and manipulation of the male species is in controlling his orgasm, and then relishes the toying she makes me do for her own entertainment and pleasure and can gently almost nurturingly push me past my boundaries...in a sort of "there, there, my sweet little one...see, its not that bad is it?"  as she displays her broad smiling confirming her ownership of me......priceless!!!