Warning: as one of my favorite people would say.. ear fuck ahead!!

I recently had an encounter with an escort that resulted in an epiphany related to my own sexuality.  I realized that over the years I had conditioned my mind and body with pavlovian reinforcement to achieve orgasm ONLY AFTER my partner did.  The misogynists out there probably wouldn’t have a clue as to what I’m talking about, but it has always been important to me that the lady du jour have as much, or more, pleasure than me.  It’s really a self-serving  attitude worthy of the most insensitive of us… the more you give, the more you receive. Besides… generally speaking the sex lasts longer and the journey is more intense under the auspices of severe self control.

Such a simple thing that explains recent results in various p4p encounters.  Some sessions ended happily with orgasmic eruptions painting body parts from tonsils to belly button and beyond.  Others were a frustrating effort requiring that I take matters into my own hands to achieve completion.  So many variables, condoms, alcohol, sleep patterns, diet, exercise, chemistry.. why the different results.. then it hit; with providers able and willing to orgasm, I happily followed suite, with those unable or unwilling, the session devolved into having to give the little soldier a dishonorable discharge. I am a victim of years of conditioning.

Upon further reflection, I’ve developed corollaries to the epiphany. The first corollary is that I have no problem achieving orgasm if there is absolutely zero emotional connection (the legal brothel experience), but those sessions are what I would classify as masturbation by proxy.  The second corollary is that a faked orgasm that is so badly acted that I know it is fake will not overcome the pavlovian conditioning; to the contrary, it will just make the pecker go immediately limp and not even a dishonorable discharge is possible.

Now the question. How do I screen for providers that either easily and happily achieve orgasm, or are consummate actresses? Should I pass on non orgasmic companions that are otherwise just wonderful, great people to be around? Should I take advantage of my dilema and only book non orgasmic ladies so I can make like the energizer bunny and go on for hours? Should I buy a different bell and recondition my pavlovian response.. a quandary folks, I need help.

candidates you find attractive (looks, cost & service) and read tons of reviews & then hope your experience is like the best 3-4 and not the worst 3-4.  Homework, homework, homework!

but if this is a learned expectation somewhere along the line you might be able to bypass it. Do you really want to do that though since it sounds like getting a lady off is a very important part of a date for you. I'm not going to be the one to tell you to change since I love to cum and can never get enough of a good thing.

There is no real way of telling what is real and what is fantasy in most reviews. Yes, services are pretty standard but more than that can be embellished in many ways. Reading them does help you find the best possible candidates to make your time enjoyable but chemistry is very personal and can't be replicated.

Kisses Haley

Like a game of cat and mouse, the game is just as important as the end result, which is often sexual conquest. You can’t rush these things and expect the same results. The longer you take your time, the more the juices have a chance to flow, the blood to build to a boiling point, and the lovers to get swept up in the flood of endorphins, hormones, and passion.

Lustfully Wet
Tori Blake

I too want the lady to have a good time. I want her to orgasm and I do my best to see that she does, usually before I do as I'm good for one most of the time. But one thing I learned is to control what I can control.

I have had providers say it may not happen (sometimes they have given me a reason). They have said it's much more fun to just have fun and not get caught up in the destination but enjoy the journey. I can deal with that. I'd rather she not fake it but simply enjoy whatever happens.

Your concerned that she isn't having fun. She may not be. But if you know her to be honest and up front with you then you have to believe her and just go with the flow when she says it may not happen and she's ok with it, let's just have a good time. Getting rid of the pressure often does wonders.

I do think you're correct in that finding the provider that is honest about it with you is important. That takes time. But it's worth it. Yeah, the reviews can be embellished as to whether she had orgasms or not but they can do a good job of portraying how she approaches things which is a better indicator of whether she will be honest with you on the subject.

This would lead to the reconditioning I was talking about. It's merely reexamining the situation and drawing a different conclusion now that circumstances have changed. Then put into practice what you decided and know that it may take a few times to get it right. I know providers I can see when I want to try something. (Please take that last statement in the context of this discussion). I knew who to see when I had dealt with parent care responsibilities, or some emotional difficulties. I knew they could be trusted to understand and be a help. I'm sure you know some that you can see and discuss this with and then practice.

masturbation by proxy was the best part of your soliliquy.

But seriously, reviews are so helpful in finding out if a lady is just an actress or actually enjoys her work. Me...its the best part of my week.

Others have talked about reading reviews . I think we all read the reviews but when I read a review that states the lady had 3 or 4 Orgasms in a session I don't put much reality into that. In fact I don't pay a whole lot of attention to what others say about a ladies Orgasms. Some guys especially younger guys wouldn't know if it was real or not. And I do understand that a lady can make it look very real if she has the know how. So when i read a review I kind of believe the statements that pertain to items on the menu or items that I enjoy. But I will discover for myself concerning Orgasms.

This has often struck a chord with me in the past, not so much in identical facets, but as an issue of self enjoyment and the enjoyment many males want to impart on their partners. The cerebral approach is quite interesting in that once imparted on the road to the big 'O', does the way one reaches it define his ability to produce for his partner or his ability to maintain same for his own pleasures? The ladies input here is most defining. Seeking through reviews and paying attention to past experieces are one's best path to smiles. The mind is the biggest sex organ and beyond that, experimentation alone can produce what one may call the ultimate 'O', if one is fortunate enough that is. I prefer a thinking lady that once engaged, will stop at no option to share the moans of a volcanic sensuality. There are no failures, only those that refuse to walk a path unknown to achieve the heights they seek. Play the senses, enjoy the sights and smells, and do respect the friction....it's all subjective when one desires their release.

I get more from the postings that ladies make on this and other boards. Reviews do provide some insight, but, personally, a posting such as Haley's, Tori's and Kendra;s reveal more than her ability to perform sexual gymnastics. They indicate to me a playfulless, an eroticism, and willingness to be intiment. These qualities come through from message boards. As a n example, I was taking a trip to the midwest this past summer. I spent some time on a popular board there mostly lurking. ID several providers with stellar reviews and followed their postings on a message board. After reading some response posted there, I quickly surmised, even though the reviews were excellent, the attitude/persona they projected on the message board said otherwise.  A perfect example can be found on the Phoenix regional Board. Read Jasmine's post dated 3/10/2012. Now that post reveals a a classy lady. (200 hits in less than 24 hours says something!!)

This could well be thread in its own right but the value of reviews for me is that they give  an insight into the personality and genuineness of the woman. Patterns emerge that give enable me to make the choice that I feel instinctively will work best for me.

I see your point. It's very true that the lady's postings on boards like this will give you great insight. Haley's, Tori's, Kendra's, and others being perfect examples. But I disagree that reviews can't do this. I realize that postings over time can do it ( reviews over time can too) and may do it better. I considered putting something about board postings in my response above but considered that only works for ladies that post. As I write though it occurs that the same applies to reviews. The lady has to have some and may not or may not have many.
Since the more info you have the better you're able to make a decision I now say use both.
I just saw a lady that first got my attention with her posting on my regional board.

Reviews certainly do give a glimpse into the personality of the provider in addition to the intensity of the session. Descriptions of intense Os in many different posts certainly says something.
But so do her posts and her website.  In fact, I have often been led to some of my best experiences by a post that caught my eye. Once that happens, I click on her profile and start to read. My hobbying is infrequently enough ( sadly) that I have the time to learn as much as I can before making initial contact to introduce myself and then proceed towards setting up the date.

Some good discussion on the value of reviews which we all know are pure works of fiction. Eh? If the same subject inspires the same fiction over and over, then we can assume it may be based on real persons or events.. Consistent board posts over time would be more idicative of docudrama rather than fiction though; closer to that kernel of truth we all seek.

Special thanks to Tori and Rogue, you both nailed it