Two years ago I went to a friend's house for a Christmas dinner.  As I was leaving, my buddy's wife gave me a big hug as we all said goodbye.  Without even thinking, I quietly said to her that will have to last me until next Christmas because her hug from the previous year was the only one I got that year.

As soon as the words left my mouth I realized how bad that must have sounded.  And she must have felt the same way, because the next time I saw her she went out of her way to give me several big hugs, and has every time I've seen her since.

It been a tough couple of years for me, but like everyone, you just accept it for what it is and keep moving forward.  It was only when you stop and think about it, as I did in that brief moment, that you realize how much you missed being touched by another person, and how surviving isn't the same as thriving.

Your are so right Miss Haley,
I get friendship hugs from girls that work at my coffee shop and pub but if not for them there would be now. I live alone so don't get the more friendly kind.  That's why  I say you ladies are wonderful for the the services you provide.

Regards,
Bordello
Looking for touchy feely

Touch is extremely important. In college friends became couples, then got married. We stayed in touch and got together on holidays and homecomings. One year one of the wives invited us all unexpectedly.  She announced that she and her husband (also our friend) had separated and were getting divorced. She said if we wanted to know what we could do, a hug would be good. She said touch was what she missed most. A few years latter I got divorced and I understood what she meant. I hug my children every time I see them and tell them I love them. I have a few lady friends that we hug when meeting and parting. There has been a time or two that it had been so long I held on a little extra.

Back in the 1960's and 70's, a good manager hugged his/her employees.  Newspapers and business journals carried articles on the benefits of hugging.  Then the sexual harassment lawsuits began and hugging became both politically incorrect and financially risky.  I believe that this has carried over to hugging in non-work situations such as nursing homes.  People are reluctant to touch and hug.

I am an example of the value of hugging and touching.  As I have said before on this board, I have ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease).  ALS slowly destroys the motorneurons throughout the body (the thing-a-bobs that transfer signals from the nerves to the muscles.  My form of ALS has attacked my neck; I cannot talk, chew or/ swallow; and my neck cannot support my head so my head droops.  The good part is that everything below my neck works and I lost the 70 extra pounds I could never lose.  Now I am at the ideal weight for my height.

I have always been a people person.  Now that I am mute, it is difficult to participate in large groups.  I am best in one-on-one situations when the other person will wait while I type or write my thoughts.

I compare myself to a monk who has taken an oath of silence and solitude.  As a result I crave physical intimacy (hugging and cuddling).  I wrote a blog on the subject that was read by a number of people in my social network----at least they complemented me on it.  But still no hugs.  My SO treats me the same as others do; but that is a different story.  And things are slowly improving with her.

I retired from the hobby in 1989 when I met my SO.  I did not need to hobby because she kept me very happy.  However, I returned to the hobby a year ago when my craving for physical intimacy became unbearable.  I was extremely lucky to meet a very compassionate lady who is an active participant on the TER boards.  I have ED so our sessions only included hugging and fondling although I always had high hopes of being able to go further.

At the conclusion of our dates, I felt as satisfied as I would have if I had been able to go all the way.  Well maybe not quite as satisfied.

I have learned to not wait for people to come to me but for me to be the hugger.  I have made a habit of hugging or shaking hands with everybody I meet; whether or not he/she show signs of wanting this intimacy.  Usually the person who was standoffish returns the hug and is smiling when we part.

I wish I lived closer to Orlando, I could sure use some of your hugs.