60 and Over

LMFAO eom
BigPapasan 3 Reviews 7375 reads
posted
1 / 15

You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where...
1.  You are willing to park three blocks away from your house because you found shade.
2.  You've experienced condensation on your rear-end from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3.  You can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave town.
4.  You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5.  You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door at 500 degrees.
6.  The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

 
OR
 

You can retire to California where...
1.  You make over $450,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2.  The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3.  You know how to eat an artichoke.
4.  When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there, rather than how many miles away it is.
5.  The four seasons are Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.
 

OR
 

You can retire to New York City where...
1   You say, "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2.  You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3.  You think Central Park is "nature."
4.  You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
5.  You've worn out a car horn.  (IF you have a car.)
6.  You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
 

OR
 

You can retire to Minnesota where...
1.  You only have three spices:  salt, pepper, and ketchup.
2.  Halloween costumes must fit over parkas.
3.  You have seventeen recipes for a casserole.
4.  Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5.  The four seasons are almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.
6.  The highest level of criticism is "He is different,” She is different," or "It was different!"
 

OR
 

You can retire to North or South Carolina where...
1.  You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2.  ”Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3.  "He needed killing" is a valid defense.
4.   Everyone has two first names:  Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5.   Everything is either:  "in yonder,"  "over yonder"  or "out yonder.”
6.  You can say anything about anyone, as long as you say, "Bless his heart” at the end!
 

OR
 

You can move to Colorado where...
1.  You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2.  You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the daycare center.
3.  A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4.  The top of your head is bald, but you still have a ponytail.
 

OR
 

You can retire to Nebraska or Kansas where...
 1.  You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2.  Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3.  You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4.  You end sentences with a preposition:  "Where's my coat at?"
 

OR
 

FINALLY, you can retire to Florida where...
1.  You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2.  All purchases include a coupon of some kind - even houses and cars.
3.  Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
4.  Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5.  Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

swimtrekr 58 Reviews 372 reads
posted
2 / 15

Great post!!!!!

LLAP,
Swim

STOLGUY 24 Reviews 366 reads
posted
3 / 15

Pennsylvania
1. You could take a color photo of each of the small towns in Pa and they would still come out black and white.
2. The small towns that you just took photos of are each referred to as “the city”.
3. People 50 miles outside the radius of either Philly or Pittsburgh speak with a southern accent.
4. I still don’t know what “youons” means.
5. When you go to a diner in Pa, it doesn’t matter if the food is any good.  Just so there’s a lot of it.
6. Everybody thinks that the hills representing the Poconos are mountains.

mrhudson 136 Reviews 361 reads
posted
4 / 15

+1  Great Post!!!  Still laughing MAO!!!

vanessafontaine See my TER Reviews 397 reads
posted
5 / 15

I’m still laughing, it’s all so true tho …..

Xoxox
Vanessa F

yarled 2 Reviews 371 reads
posted
6 / 15

in all fairness, the confusion over the Poconos is that most of the area is a plateau, not several separate mountains. with luck you end up in a spot with a broad vista east towards NY and NJ, or NW towards Scranton, and realize you are looking out and down a considerable distance.

CuriousGeorge1152 352 reads
posted
7 / 15

every restaurant has either lobstah, oyster, or clam in their name, usually with "shack" at the end

everyone knows someone who knows someone who knows Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, or a Whalhburg

in the winter, every street either has a car buried in 2 feet of snow, a traffic cone, or a beach chair

you never know when a Big Dig tunnel will collapse

when visitors come, there's always some "famous trail" they gotta try

QueenBia See my TER Reviews 350 reads
posted
8 / 15
GeorgeSpelviniii 200 Reviews 332 reads
posted
9 / 15

..... and live in Florida.  But I bought an Airstream so I can experience retired life in all those environs!

LONGFELLA4YOU 3 Reviews 316 reads
posted
10 / 15

Or you Can retire in  Costa Rica
1) Soc Sec will enable you to do so
2)  Escorts are legal and inexpensive  
3) Cost of living is low
4) Escorts are legal and inexpensive
5)  Beautiful Country
6) Escorts are legal and inexpensive  
7) National Healthcare  
8) Escorts are legal and inexpensive

mrfisher 108 Reviews 348 reads
posted
11 / 15

I had a niece who moved there after a divorce about 10 years ago, but she returned to her native Bay Area of California after a few years.   When I asked why, she said the cost of living in CR was too hight.

Drj5249 342 reads
posted
12 / 15

A really clever and funny post

Kitty76 See my TER Reviews 291 reads
posted
13 / 15

Although I have several years (19 years) till I retire (And yes that makes me 46). I figure that once I retire (I could re-evaluate my finances (What I have in my bank & What I will be getting per month in retirement pay) and either travel or just stay where I am.

QueenBia See my TER Reviews 291 reads
posted
14 / 15

California City, CA

Reasonable & on 90 minutes to LA, and 3 hour drive to LV.

Your welcome.

Kaylie See my TER Reviews 282 reads
posted
15 / 15

Laughed until I cried!  Thanks! xoxKay

Seriously, I tired to retire to Florida but have decided to move back north to be near family.  That's more important than weather or traffic to me.  My only issue is taxes!    

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