Spouse. Expressing love is is a big part of why I see certain providers. Not falling in love but expressing love in the moment. See blog below.
From a Huffingtion Post blog by Sheryl Paul:
Most people also don't know the truth about what creates great sex. The popular message says that great sex is a function of technique and frequency, but this is a cultural lie. The truth is that great sex is a function of connection, first with yourself and then with your partner. In other words, when you feel alive inside your own skin and connected to your partner's essence, then you can meet each other sexually in a way that will feel fulfilling for both of you. Sex is an expression of love. If it's used for anything else -- to try to get approval or love or to try to feel alive -- it won't feel good for either of you in the long run. You may experience a physical sensation of pleasure or an emotional high of feeling wanted or desired, but in the aftermath of sex you're likely to feel empty, lonely, and possibly used.
And here's a news flash: Great sex isn't only about having an orgasm! What? Really? Stop the presses! That's right. You can feel deeply connected to your partner sexually even if neither of you climax every time you make love. We live in such a goal-oriented culture that we think that great orgasm equals great sex, but the reality is that an orgasm comprises the last 20 seconds of love making. What's happening the rest of the time? Hopefully, you're opening to your partner and experiencing each other's bodies and beings in other ways. You're allowing him to touch you in places that you've never been touched -- and I'm not talking about your physical body. I mean that when you meet each other in the bedroom you do so with an intention to connect in a place past thought, to learn to break through habitual walls that arise to keep out intimacy, and sometimes that means receiving your partner's loving touch without any agenda or attachment to outcome. Just being in the moment with each other in an open-hearted way with your eyes wide open. This is what it means to make love, not just have sex.
Another big lie that our culture feeds us is that sex drive, like love, is ignited by another person. We say, "He made me feel so alive," without recognizing that, after the free ride of the infatuation stage, you can only feel alive if that aliveness begins inside of you. We believe that someone can "make you feel loved" without owning that the capacity to receive love begins inside your own heart. Am I saying that anyone can turn you on if you're connected to your own sexuality? No, there needs to be a core connection, which doesn't happen every day.
had the same experience. A few providers just lie there, letting me get off (or not) in mish or whatever. But, my best sessions have been where there's that emotional, spiritual, and/or intellectual connection. Mostly, I don't come, but, for me, 59 minutes and 40 seconds of good connections, tactile and visual arousal, etc., more than offset the 20 seconds that I may have "missed."
Just to be clear: I have no illusions that my ladies are "in love" with me, and that this is anything but a fleeting hour or two. But, in the fantasy of that hour, the big, bad, cruel world is forgotten, and all is well!
Thanks for posting. A good word.
-- Modified on 7/9/2012 12:35:04 PM
I guess this is a better way of saying what I was trying to say a few threads down!!
Its more than just RAW sex.... Although, that is fabulous also. There needs to be more than that or why not just call a SW?
I believe this has to do with our 2nd and 4th chakras.... The sexual/creative center and the heart respectively......
-- Modified on 7/9/2012 1:05:18 PM
It is in the eyes wow, I agree, the picture is great.
I can see there is plenty of opportunity for a quickie not bad, fills a need. I believe "the connection" is real does it matter that it is for a brief hour or two. I think there is a fear of "the connection" in some, that might keep them going back for the quickie, with no emotion or feelings. The brave venture into making a connection enjoy the time and relish the moment. I think the top reviewed on the board have earned this position because they are very good at making a connection with people and will be successful no matter where life takes them.
This has been my philosophy from Day One. Intimacy is more than just sex. We all have the need to feel loved and accepted. The healing power of touch is an amazing thing. I learned in my civvy career, where I get to touch people every day, the wondrous effect it has. As I state on my site, I consider my vocation to be loving, sacred and therapeutic. Creating a connection is so important to me and taking time to do that is my goal each time I meet someone, whether that be a new friend or someone I have known for years. Sometimes I feel that committment makes me sui generis but I am aware that it is recognized and appreciated by those who know me. I am forever grateful for that...and humbled by the wonderful men who have shared and allow me to do the same.
...to recognize how much I agreed with it. The good or great connection is what really makes the experience special and memorable. And that can be a touch, a sigh, a laugh or a conversation, or a hundred other things that make a session more than what it starts out as.
Also, I remember several times where, in going for cup #2, a provider really went at me, sometimes out of a sense of pride. The sensations were incredible, but I never climaxed. Am I disappointed? No, I was still out of my mind in those moments of pleasure, totally in the moment, which is where I'm always trying to be.
Finally, several providers do indeed make me feel alive, but thinking it over, it does start with me. In this hobby, we are not listening to society, to the law, to anyone else but ourselves. And when I meet a provider and have a great time, both giving and getting, I walk away knowing that I really lived that hour or however long. And even if the details fade, I can still remember that feeling of being in the moment, of really living.
Gee, thanks Huffington Post for telling us what sex is all about. How could we ever figure out our own sexual needs without such an article. *VOMIT*
The condescention of the author is nauseating, as is the assertion that she knows the "truth" about sex, and presumes to tell us about the "lies" that have mislead us all. Nothing ground breaking or unconventional here, just mainstream ideas that have been repeated over and over ad nauseum.
No offense LDM, or anyone else who feels as the author does, it's not a shot at anyone, other than the fucking hack who wrote this. She should stick to childrens books - this little piggy went to the brothel.
Im thankful sex is more meaningful to me. If that's all it is to you, cool, but to some of us, this is not propaganda, not nauseating, but something we enjoy and see the value in when there is chemistry and connection. It can be very healing.
Im sorry you dont have great connections when it comes to sex, but that doesnt mean the rest of us are brainwashed by "propaganda".....
We are not just believing something becuz it's in an article, but becuz we have experienced it.
Man, she knows how to put a smile on my face. Love the spunk
- lest you missed that part, and seemed to add one about being "brainwashed" which may have come out of thin air, but not from my post.
"Connection" is a vaugerie that could be interpreted in many ways, and I have had various forms of "connection" with my fuck friends, girlfriends, bar sluts, and hookers alike, though I'd probably define them differently than anyone who thinks this one-sided article is the gospel of intimacy.
Propoganda is biased information used to promote, publicize and steer people towards whatever conclusion is desired by it's author. And this author is hardly objective.
And my point - this is the same sex=love love= sex one can't live without the other kind of crap that social conformists have shoved down our throats since before you or I knew how babies were made - I'd say right about the time they brainstormed the institution of marraige, and then ammeneded it to; do it or burn in hell.
And not only is it unoriginal, the self-righteous author seems to know that she has it all figured out and there is no room for variation, and if we think differently we have obviously been lied too.
As Vorlon pointed out below - Love who you fuck or you will be miserable is her core message, which is bullshit.
Her next article will be "Study shows that candy makes kids happier than vegetables" - ground breaking...she's a hack.
Just specifically to bug you...
Hilary has only one "l", so its "Hil".
That message was for the other Hillary - Bill's wife. She has the same ideas, apparently. I know she probably doesn't frequent this board, but I'm sure Bill does.
I think Hilary and the ladies that have commented on this thread have it right.
The sessions I shared with ladies which I made a connection with we're so much more satisfying that anything I did with some hot chick, not to say that the ladies I have seen are not hot, to the contrary I think you all are gorgeous! However whenever I had a session with a girl that was just hot and didn't connect with I felt that I had wasted my time as I didn't feel any better when I left than when I got there in fact in some occasions I felt worse.
Everyone is different and has their preferences, that's the main reason we see the increase in the DIY providers like the one discussed in one of the threads above that just offer a DIY for a ridiculous donation and guys just go because she is a hot young thing! But the sessions are mechanical and other than getting whcked off by a hot chick you are not getting much else, and that's fine if it's your thing, nothing wrong with that. However there is no reason to feel that people are full of shit because they want a real connection with someone no matter how momentary that connection is.
In my preference the sessions I had where I connected with the provider was so much more to me and I will always remember than any random chick I had a fling with regardless how hot she was. I think that's what sets apart the ladies that really enjoy what they do and are not in the hobby for the money.
It's wonderful when it happens as she favors but to sit there and say things like "Sex is an expression of love. If it's used for anything else -- to try to get approval or love or to try to feel alive -- it won't feel good for either of you in the long run. You may experience a physical sensation of pleasure or an emotional high of feeling wanted or desired, but in the aftermath of sex you're likely to feel empty, lonely, and possibly used" is simply wrong IMHO. People are way too varied in their sexual preferences, including how they react to various types of sex, to make such a blanket statement. People also change over time and what they like and dislike sexually won't necessarily stay the same over the course of their lives. The range of my hobbying experiences runs from 15-20 minute quickies to trips lasting several days. Just because some of them were short and I had no significant connection to the lady didn't mean that I later felt badly about the encounter.
The way that guys approach the pay-to-play hobby evolves as you gain experience and as you age. For many it started as a simple way to gratify a physical need with no strings nor expectations of any sort of "connection". Then eventually you will meet a provider that does strike you as more than just a service and you get to "know her" after becoming a regular. It may even evolve to a friendship and the anticipation of seeing her becomes more of an obsession because you actually enjoy her company as much as the sex. These "relationships" vary in depth and meaningfulness as much as personalities are varied. Yet, most do have a beginning and an end. Sometimes its becomes harder to go back to the pure service oriented provider again having experienced this one or more times. In my opinion to intentionally seek providers with that potential can lead to greater dissatisfaction than when its a byproduct of "casual" hobbying because in my opinion true chemistry between two people cannot be manufactured. However, what does often take its place is that illusionary GFE or courtesan type service which some providers are quite gifted in the ability to improvise. Many of us settle for this as a compromise after learning some reality based lessons.
true chemistry between 2 cannot be manufactured...... and by definition, the escort, GFE, PSE IS indeed manufactured......something to think about.....I love you deep thinkers!
But I try to bring that into reality. I do love what I do! and I like to make it a healing experience. But the raw crazy sex is fun too....and then goodbye! No connection. That is also a fantasy of some sort.
If I had a BF, Id want him to "go find it somewhere else"....its a fantasy.....what the hell are we looking for??
Its fun to discuss!
To speak of all people in blanket terms is craziness.
Also, to try to relate to an article about sex that is written by and for Non hobbyists and non providers is also craziness. The majority of the people I have met in the hobby have different beliefs and truths when it comes to sex and love and the intermingling of the two. In the civie world, a large portion of what she writes may be true a great part of the time. However, in the hobby world, little of what she writes is true.
I can be intimate physically with someone without being intimate emotionally and spiritually. That does not mean I do not care about my gentlemen friends because I do. I enjoy their company while I am with them but that doesn't mean I have to grow old with them to feel complete or valued as a person, as a woman, and as a sexual being.
A reporter is writing an article stating the obvious so as to fill space and receive a paycheck.
It's a nice article. Does it contain anything new or anything most people have haven't at least thought about, no.
Why the upset? You might as well get upset at 90% of the articles appearing in newspapers.
Nothing wrong with people making the observation that they enjoy it.
I patted my puppy on the head today, just like I did the day before, I will do so again tomorrow. Sometimes repetition in life is a good thing.
Soon you'll be kissing, cuddling, & fucking like lovers that have been reunited after years of missing & longing for one another.
Likcy, lick, Kissy, kiss!
1. She is not "stating the obvious". She is just hacking her way through a blank page with mainstream redundancies. I wouldn't hire this broad to write a school lunch menu.
2. YOU think it's a nice article. You already know what I think of it.
3. I'm not upset about the article. I'm making an observation about the article, and it's author, just like everyone else. Mine just happens to be a less cute and cuddly opinion. Is that ok too, or is this the x-rated version of the Cosby show where we all must live in perfect synchronicity?
90% of all media IS either pandering to some specific group, parroting stale ideas, or just completely full of shit - objectivity and presentation of facts not pulled from the authors ass, is dead - and that is a little upsetting, but I'll get over it, somehow, some way. Maybe I'll pet a puppy...or fuck a kitty. There's some good repetition for ya - bang bang, bang bang.
It must really suck to be you.
Rule number one when losing a chat forum argument - correct their spelling and grammar.
When that fails, rule number two - remember your favorite insult from fifth grade and use it against them in order to bring the intelligence level of the conversation down to where you can remain competitive.
Congrats on completeing the Michelle Bachman guide to internet debate. Gold star for you.
Your favorite song:
I've got you under my skin
I've got you deep in the heart of me
So deep in my heart that you're really a part of me
I've got you under my skin
I'd tried so not to give in
I said to myself, "This affair never will go so well"
But why should I try to resist when, baby, I know so well
I've got you under my skin
In spite of a warning voice that comes in the night
And repeats, repeats in my ear
"Don't you know, little fool, you never can win?
You are too funny.
This particular article is sufficiently out of context to generate an amusing discussion, and all of us, from sentimentalists to assholes, get to play – but we all also get to make our own choices about who we spend our time with.
I don't think there's every been a time when I had to be in love to have sex or had to have sex to be in love. I understand having a connection of some sort, and as for LIP, I don't recall him EVER saying anything about NOT having a connection. However, the article seems obviously written by a main-stream vanilla who grew up on Cinderella and is determined to propagate it to the masses to spread the bull shit.
The thing is: 90% of my clients are very HAPPILY married men. The divorce rate (as the right-wingers constantly bitch about) is way high. My love is big enough for more people. I don't believe in monogamy, and I do have a primary partner. I care about my clients that I have those connections with and enjoy those sessions way more than the VERY few I haven't.
Love is love. Sex is sex. They are not mutually INclusive or EXclusive but both have their fluid ways. Who the fuck are we to try to define it or claim anything about it other than our personal preferences (which ALSO evolve)...
I would have to admit that if my marriage was what it ought to be, I would not be participating in the hobby. I was completely monogamous for over 20 years. It actually is possible to be in a relationship where you don't feel the need to be with another. Not saying it's wrong because we are all different from one another but it isn't as though it is impossible or unfulfilling... Just my two pennies...