mnjohnny247 18 Reviews 1297 reads

There has been an interesting ongoing  thread on the BDSM board about submissive providers and GFE.  Many providers say they are fetish friendly and some also indicate what fetishes they are open  to.   Are there any local (MN) providers who would want to play the role as the submissive (bondage, spanking etc) and also offer a GFE?  PM me if you have a specific referral, but what do you think in gerenal?  Is this practice common?  Usually the man is seeking to play the submissive and he seeks a FemDom provider,  Experiences anyone?

-- Modified on 5/19/2012 1:29:45 PM

First, there are plenty of providers and plenty of women generally who love being submissive.  

Second, having a dom/sub relationship is a matter of high trust and understanding.  BDSM offers a considerably broader and more complex palette in which to express intimacy and emotion than plain vanilla sex.  But you either have to have a lot of understanding of how it works and instant chemistry, or you need to develop the trust over a period of time, to get anything out of it.

And, finally, because BDSM is much more complex than straight vanilla sex, the range of what you do, and whether GFE is part of it, has to be worked out in your individualized relationship.  I've had encounters that involved bondage, spanking, nipple torture, blindfolding, use of toys, tease and denial, BBBJ and FS -- but no kissing.  And they were far hotter than a typical GFE experience with lots of DFK.  And then I've had sessions that (by design and role play) started out with a make-out session, and then when I "discovered" that she'd "cheated" on me progressed to hair pulling, face slapping, "forced" BJ with gagging, etc. etc.  

If this is something you're seriously interested in, do some googling and get educated.  A good way to be a good dom is to experience submission yourself a few times.  One sub told me there's nothing more pathetic than a dom who doesn't know what he's doing.

I have a long-standing relationship with the client and there has been a level of trust & intimacy built up. Never with a new client. If a new client tried to get bossy or domineering with me, I would not stand for it.

I think it's obvious why you don't see a lot of providers offering a more submissive experience--it's MUCH more dangerous for us to be on the "receiving" end of power play. It's fun with someone you know and trust... not so much with someone you're still trying to make sure isn't a serial killer.

Attached is a link to my thoughts on the subject.

Basically there are two issues here.

One, most providers are confident strong dominant women by nature. Second, you are talking about a situation where a woman lets total stranger into her space and to be in submissive role puts her in more danger.  I can see a provider being Sub if she has seen someone numerous times and there is great deal of trust.

I personally do offer BDSM + GFE, but I am the one wearing the strap on :)


Thanks for the great insights, What we all do in the hobby requires at least a basic level of trust and comfort for the all involved.  The power exchange or more precisely giving up power is more intense and can add a big shot of adrenaline and thrill to the session.  Sometimes I have allowed a provider with few (or no) reviews to bind me on our first visit, possiby dangerous for me, yes, but the thrill factor makes up for it (and thankfully I'm still here  BTW I do NOT recomment this as SOP).  Thanks to Mistress Mia (of AZ) for this quote "I have a high amount of respect and appreciation for the people that put themselves in my hands and trust that I will bring them to a place of submission on a safe, sane and consensual level."  Power exchange unleashes the power of the mind, our most erotic organ..again thanks to all who PMd me.  Bottom line for me as a "swtich",  while I do enjoy being bound and feeling the touch of the whip, I also enjoy a woman (provider possibly?) who will trust me to treat her to the erotic intensity of power exchange.

And I do enjoy being tied up (loose restraints), light spanking, grabbing the hair, etc but with friends I have seen before and established some trust.

You are right though, usually the provider is dominant.

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