I'm 48 and have had sex only 11 times in my entire life ! 5 of those were with providers in the last 4 years or so .
Sad , but true .....
It's 100% my shyness and I've known that since my high school days . It's just something I own and have never been able to overcome and at this point doubt I ever will .
I also do the same respectful pre date things as you . I'm in great shape and just a nice , pleasant gentleman to every lady I encounter . I can laugh, talk about any subject under the sun , but as soon as I see it turning into a sexual thing I pretty much just shut down .
It's been no different when the provider opens the door . I'm fine with the small talk and am really not that nervous at all .
BUT I know what I'm there for and so does she and to move on to the main events I simply stumble and fall . This then makes her puzzled and probably surprised if not slightly confused as to how to move forward . It's not her fault at all !
How other guys just outright tell her to suck the head this way or that way , take off your top I want to titty fuck you, roll over I want doggie style now , bend over in front of that mirror , get on your knees I want you to suck me off and cum in your mouth .........I don't know how they do it , it's just not in my nature .
Now as far as the lady ......I had one that was around 55 or so and was in a long marriage and recently divorced with a fancy lifestyle she was used to, but had no way to continue so she started escorting and had a long time friend that escorted for many years show her the ropes . I know this from the "get to know you " chit chat at the outset .
Anyway this lady just took charge and was probably hungry for some new dick and loved to feel sexy and attractive to men !
She fucked the shit out out of me and I left the appointment a changed man . Changed in respect as I finally got what I had been missing in previous sessions .
Am I less shy now because of that ??.....sadly no, I'm still just as shy as I have always been but it did teach me quite a few things .
I cannot give you advice as to over come the "shyness" as I still struggle in that dept as well.
My help through posting this is to let you know first hand that its the shyness and lady that is at the root of the problem you are struggling with .
I tell the lady when we are face to face that I'm shy , but to be honest it seems to take them off guard and the "stumble" begins . So that approach really does not always work which then is the second part of the equation - find the right one and when you "click" with her and she knows how to proceed you will be left a hot puddle on the floor wondering what the fuck just happened back there
I am a newbie and so far I've been enjoying myself, but I feel I'm not getting the best from the women I see.
I am polite and warm in arranging a meeting. I never say anything vulgar or rude or attempt to discuss details.
I am meticulous with my grooming. I always shower before, and, if the lady is willing, shower again with her (I love sharing a shower). I take care of my teeth. I brush, floss and use mouth wash before meeting and I don't eat anything in between. I like to have a breath mint right before she opens the door.
I always immediately place my plain white envelope in clear view and I sometimes bring a small gift.
Yet, it seems I'm on the slim side of YMMV. I'd like some advice on what I may be doing wrong.
I am a bit shy so I probably don't let her know what I want clearly (I was reading another post and the advice there was "If you don't ask, you don't get."). With all the rules and warnings about being dismissed or banned for talking about things, I'm not sure how to go about it anyway.
I would appreciate any feedback.
Thanks
PS: I'm using an alias because I've really enjoyed my time with ladies I've seen and I wouldn't want my inexperience to reflect poorly on them.
comes off as weirdness, and that is probably making the gal feel uncomfortable, and therefor unable to warm up to you.
I think I know this because I've been there. Sometimes it just takes practice and repetition until you start to feel comfortable in your skin.
I can also say that a shot or two of booze (Bourbon was my poison of choice.) can help you relax and get into a groove.
Try it and see.
If I smelt booze on a guy, I am not sure I would go through with it. I hate the smell of booze breath and I have no idea how a person acts on booze that I am alone with. Possibly not a popular stance but I don;t drink while working and prefer my clients not be smelling of booze or DFK might just be off the table.
But, it does have a calming effect if you take one shot (It depends on one's metabolism and body size.)
If the odor is a problem, some mouthwash and/or a Tictac or Altoid just a couple of minutes before you knock on the door should do the trick.
Sorry but I am not kissing that. Unless he wants to keep eating them the entire time. Not a fan of booze or drugs in this line of work.
IMO it puts Grey Goose to shame! 
xoxo,
Steph
The OP states he is shy, not that he is unduly nervous or anxious.
And I have to agree with HT here that I don't think telling a newb to drink before a date is wise. Experienced guys like yourself can get away with that as you will be better at research, more expansive list of fellow mongers in the hobby to get info from about a girls preferences, etc.
Many girls find that drinking before she arrives to be a turnoff and it is something not easily masked with a breath mint, which could lead to even less interaction/passion he seeks and a more jaundiced view from the provider.
Best of both worlds is to have his drink with her sharing a bottle of wine or champagne if he needs to loosen up a bit before hand.
and while booze will help the latter, it may not do much for the former.
Still and all, I think it's worth a shot (pun intended) as I was a very nervous and shy newbie for quite a while until I developed my sea legs.
A shot of Wild Turkey did wonders for my ability to interact with escorts. It was a crutch, and I no long use it.
a motorized wheel chair perhaps? lmao
I am of the opinion, if a shot is "good" a bottle must be great. lol
I am still a big fan of "lets just get drunk and screw" I know there are many of a very different opinion, but different strokes I guess
HEY! What's with everyone having so much fun on my thread without me?
I prefer a Ketel One martini, bone dry, with olives, shaken...but not before meeting...I like all my senses at their sharpest when spending time with the ladies.
As you get more dates under your belt the nerves and shyness you feel should start to fade and the experience will get better, or it could be who you're spending your time with. You may find a more mature GFE type provider gives you more of what you're looking for than a younger bang and go type provider.
...Don't start asking/discussing immediately after she lets you in but once you have placed the donation, taken the shower, and begun kissing etc. it's fine to get specific.
I'm going to have to agree with everyone else and say that your inability to take charge and be more assertive during your sessions is not only causing you to not get the type of service you want, but it may also be a tad off putting to your partners. If you are too shy and too passive, these women might feel a little apprehensive around you.
But the way I'm reading it makes me feel like this is who you are. This is your personality. And I'm not saying that you have to be Rocco Siffredi. ASSERTIVE! Not aggressive. That's important. Be nice. Be kind. Be polite. But let her know what you want to do. And that doesn't necessarily mean for you to verbally tell her. Guide her. Which is easier said than done because that requires being in synch with your partner. And lord knows that's kind of a tough task when you're in a first meeting with a complete stranger. But here's the good news: many of these women want what you want. They want a great experience too. Earning money is the ultimate goal, but how nice is it to have a solid session with the client? It goes both ways and the good providers can help you along. You just need to gather up enough courage to go in there with some confidence.
Utilize everything this site has to offer. Do your research. Find a great GFE in your area who has a reasonable amount of experience and good reviews. That's a woman who will be sensitive to your needs and is most likely to offer you your first great experience. But you need to go into it with some confidence. A really good GFE will feed off of you and can lead the way if need be, but try to be a little assertive and you might just feed off of one another and work together. Get a few sessions like that under your belt and that can go a long way towards changing your personality: for the better!
Oh and all that stuff about not discussing services is for when you contact a provider. Email, texts and phone calls are not the place for discussing specifics. Some discretion is always in order and I don't know a single provider that will tolerate that. Everybody knows what's going to happen behind closed doors. No need to talk about it during the booking process.
You mention 'YMMV' but that could apply to a lot of things.
If its specific acts you're not receiving, you may have to just be up front (obviously politely). Especially with a newer or shy hobbyist, letting the provider know what you were hoping would happen could help. Chances are she'll want to oblige and probably has a good routine to lead into it.
If you're misssing more GFE and intimacy, then you may just need to start slowly, create a relaxed mood, and hopefully she'll pick up the signals and meet you halfway. Try offering her a back rub, light touches, mix in some playful compliments, and hopefully both your engines will start a little more naturally.
And it could be nothing you're doing or not doing, maybe there just hasn't been chemistry between you and your first few. It still comes down to two people and sometimes with even the most dedicated provider the 'click' just isn't there.
Every provider here has encountered clients that will just flop on the bed and barely say a word the whole time, and they *don't* recall those clients fondly. Once you're in the door and acquainted, it's common for the lady to ask what you like. Are you replying with "I don't know" or "anything/whatever you like"? During the meeting you need to just tell her what you like - not only "I want to try this position/this act" but if something's working then tell her, "that feels good/keep doing that." You'll get a better experience if you can provide feedback.
Keep in mind that there's no reason to be shy, she's heard it all, and it's only rude if you get pushy when she declines a request.
Its pretty simple really, and something I also had to learn. If its a new girl Im seeing I say very politely AFTER we've done the opening stuff "So what are your rules, honey?" I have never gotten a negative response. Shows that your interested in her boundaries and will respect them. One time I didnt ask and then was kinda stumbling through it during the session which can be turnoff. In the heat of the moment a "no" can be a buzz-kill unless you already know up front. Also Im pretty sure the lady has some experience in some off-the-wall requests so dont be afraid to ask about what you want. You want her to be an innocent school girl? Just ask her. You wanna bang her wearing a horse mask? Just ask her, and take pics to share. LOL. I think others have hit it right on the head, just be more confident. You're paying for the service so dont be afraid to say what you would like. Dont wanna be a cold person, but thats the point right? You're paying for a fantasy. So ask for it. GL to you my friend and let us know how it goes.
I really like your idea about asking up front what her rules are, and I agree doing this might go a long way in helping her feel more comfortable. It does provide an indication that you intend to respect her boundaries -- very important obviously. I think this is an EXCELLENT suggestion for any newbie.
I'm 48 and have had sex only 11 times in my entire life ! 5 of those were with providers in the last 4 years or so .
Sad , but true .....
It's 100% my shyness and I've known that since my high school days . It's just something I own and have never been able to overcome and at this point doubt I ever will .
I also do the same respectful pre date things as you . I'm in great shape and just a nice , pleasant gentleman to every lady I encounter . I can laugh, talk about any subject under the sun , but as soon as I see it turning into a sexual thing I pretty much just shut down .
It's been no different when the provider opens the door . I'm fine with the small talk and am really not that nervous at all .
BUT I know what I'm there for and so does she and to move on to the main events I simply stumble and fall . This then makes her puzzled and probably surprised if not slightly confused as to how to move forward . It's not her fault at all !
How other guys just outright tell her to suck the head this way or that way , take off your top I want to titty fuck you, roll over I want doggie style now , bend over in front of that mirror , get on your knees I want you to suck me off and cum in your mouth .........I don't know how they do it , it's just not in my nature .
Now as far as the lady ......I had one that was around 55 or so and was in a long marriage and recently divorced with a fancy lifestyle she was used to, but had no way to continue so she started escorting and had a long time friend that escorted for many years show her the ropes . I know this from the "get to know you " chit chat at the outset .
Anyway this lady just took charge and was probably hungry for some new dick and loved to feel sexy and attractive to men !
She fucked the shit out out of me and I left the appointment a changed man . Changed in respect as I finally got what I had been missing in previous sessions .
Am I less shy now because of that ??.....sadly no, I'm still just as shy as I have always been but it did teach me quite a few things .
I cannot give you advice as to over come the "shyness" as I still struggle in that dept as well.
My help through posting this is to let you know first hand that its the shyness and lady that is at the root of the problem you are struggling with .
I tell the lady when we are face to face that I'm shy , but to be honest it seems to take them off guard and the "stumble" begins . So that approach really does not always work which then is the second part of the equation - find the right one and when you "click" with her and she knows how to proceed you will be left a hot puddle on the floor wondering what the fuck just happened back there
I appreciate all the advice and encouragement. I hear and I will heed. Side note: sounds like same issue I have in other dating avenues. I thought it might be different here, but people are people. I'll work on stepping up.
Thanks again!
-- Modified on 10/29/2014 10:17:35 AM
With sex in the dating scene, you're going to tread carefully because there's a real potential for humiliation, embarrassment or simply hurt feelings. In P4P, you should expect the lady to be accommodating and nonjudgmental about your desires (within reason, of course).
I was very shy when I first started (I still am to some extent when meeting a new lady) seeing my first providers when I got started I did the whole “I don’t know” “not sure” I was scared to death. This causes her to go into her basic mode (script) which may not be what you're exactly looking for.
I almost quit hobbying because of the rates and not getting the experience I wanted but I learned that this was my fault not the providers I was seeing.
One of the things I struggle with is conversation and that’s why I ask her what type of wine she likes so we can share it together and this helps me relax and get to know her.
Like I did you need to figure out what you want from your experience. GFE/Romantic like, PSE, or any other fantasies you may have. Research the lady you are wanting to see and read her reviews not just services offered and see if it matches what you’re looking for. Some guys just want one thing, some have extreme fetishes. Every guy has his different fantasies and could be doing it for a multitude of reasons.
I am extremely picky on the ladies I see. My screening process is probably far more extensive than most ladies (well based on looks and performance). I can take a city of 200+ active courtesans (not BP and SW) and narrow that down to about 30-50. LOL
For example: I want a girlfriend experience. This is why I usually book muti hour dates with cocktails and dinner. I have a thing for ladies in a nice sexy dress or skirt and I enjoy undressing them and exploring them from head to toe. The kissing is the biggest YMMV and since that’s the case I let them know that I enjoy DFK. That in its self has different variations and that is why I let them know lips lock with heavy tongue because that really gets me going with some passionate kissing. But that is my fantasy. Other guys may have the same others not.
I know there are contradictions across the board. Some say “just ask while you’re inquiring” (and that is a no no) it’s best to discuss once you both have made some conversation together after the appointment has started. Don’t go asking as she is walking through the door. You can also ask her rules or gently work your way into to something and if she pulls back or says no respect her wishes.
Just make sure you are seeing a retable and well reviewed lady.
I am extremely picky on the ladies I see. My screening process is probably far more extensive than most ladies (well based on looks and performance). I can take a city of 200+ active courtesans (not BP and SW) and narrow that down to about 30-50. LOL
Good post otherwise.
When you are meeting a lady for the first time try to book 90min. Most reputable providers require this because it gives both of you a chance to get to know one another and not just jumping to the deed. After about 30-45 minutes you will both have a feel for each other and maybe discuss your desires. You can also take lead and she will let you know if you are crossing a line. Just don't confuse taking lead with aggressive.
Honey no reason to be shy, tell us what's on mind, that way we both can have an enjoyable experience, we enjoy to please. Perhaps get a bottle of wine or a few small trial size bottles of alcohol those that get served on airplanes to share with your company to ease into your experience, & don't forget the mixers. No go have fun!