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Yeah, because a provider-hobbyist relationship is built on honesty?confused_smile
ziggy440 84 Reviews 576 reads
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Hard to imagine why you are here if you want to know the truth. Personally, I do not care why she says no, just that she says no. I would be annoyed at someone who did not say no, but was never available, because she is wasting my time. But whether she gives me the true reason for the no, a lie, or no reason at all makes zero difference to me, unless her reason happens to hit some nerve.

Not being told no is even worse than when you contact an angry provider, someone who is having a bad day (or maybe a bad life, and definitely hates this job), and is giving me 30 seconds to prove I will make it better, or I should just go fuck myself. Better to be called an asshole than strung along.

zig

Someone recently asked about why he might have been declined by a provider. I responded that I declined a gent once because I knew him from my civilian life.

Now, there are times when seeing someone pop into my inbox whom I know from my civilian world might be incredibly hot, but this wasn't the case. He was too close to my world ...sort of like family. It didn't surprise me that he was there, I had known he was quite a man about town, so to speak. So my opinion of him didn't change.

I didn't tell him why I wouldn't see him, however. I was just always busy. Was that fair? Would you have liked to have known given this scenario? I just think it would have been weird. But now I feel like I have this secret on him, somehow.

Now in the case of it being a hot concept (someone you may have been secretly attracted to from your community, or someone who might have been your boss or professor, etc.), I might go through with it. As the gent, would you want to know ahead of seeing the provider? Would the surprise upset you? Would you rather the provider decline you (with or without telling you)?

-- Modified on 5/22/2012 1:40:06 PM


There are many reasons a provider won't see a particular gentleman so giving a hobbyist a "fake reason" (when the real reason is that she knows him personally)  should not be hard. Most hobbyists, after getting turned down by a provider 1-2 times, would simply move on and not press the reasons why. Yes, the lady would be living with the knowledge of knowing that her civilian acquaintance was a hobbyist, but as long as she takes that secret to the grave (and most providers will because its impossible to out him without implicating yourself in some way), the hobbyist is none the wiser. What he doesnt know wont hurt him in the least

It would be WORSE to tell the hobbyist that you know him, but then not identify yourself to him. The hoobyist would always be wondering  who you are. Every lady he meets in his civilian life could be the potential provider (obviously he could never ask). NOTHING good comes of it and it would create a very uneasy life for the hobbyist

It would also be bad to take the appointment and then say SURPRISE John, its me Sally, when he opens the door. This would be a VERY uncomfortable situation. Most of us (providers/hobbyists) are VERY careful about not mixing their hobby life with their civilian world. They are two separate entities  that should  never mix. Its really why you don't tell anyone (EVER) about the hobby unless you know with 100% certainty they are in it.

I think you did the right thing in declining but not giving him the real reason. I would rather the provider live with the knowledge and the secret then have my hobby world and my civilian world collide in any capacity.

Thank you for the well-thought out response.

So what if it were someone from your very distant past? I used to have a fantasy about an old boss of mine (whom I knew to like the p4p ladies) contacting me to get together. Never happened (he was from another city far away), but I used to wonder what I would have done if he's contacted me. I had an immense attraction to him, so I wonder if I would have been able to resist...

I agree with what the previous poster said.
I would not want to know.

Honestly, it is much easier to simply say "I think we may know some of the same people and I have too much to lose." You can always refer him to another lady around the area that he might like just the same.

-- Modified on 5/22/2012 5:47:51 PM

But don't you think that would lay a hefty concern on him? Like Hardy said, he'd then be wandering around for the rest of his life wondering who was the woman he contacted.

serpius429 reads

Hey Sarah,

Don't forget who you are replying to.

Some people are self-centered to the point that they don't care if they hurt other people.

Serpius

Posted By: SoftlySarah
But don't you think that would lay a hefty concern on him? Like Hardy said, he'd then be wandering around for the rest of his life wondering who was the woman he contacted.

HookerCops486 reads

I wouldn't spend more then a few minutes looking at your pics to see if I could figure out who you are. After that ... oh well. You're an escort and I pay for sex ... nothing to worry about as far as I'm concerned. As for opening up the door and surprising me ... personally, I wouldn't care (it could be alot of fun), but I could see this being a problem for many guys for a myriad of reasons.

Hard to imagine why you are here if you want to know the truth. Personally, I do not care why she says no, just that she says no. I would be annoyed at someone who did not say no, but was never available, because she is wasting my time. But whether she gives me the true reason for the no, a lie, or no reason at all makes zero difference to me, unless her reason happens to hit some nerve.

Not being told no is even worse than when you contact an angry provider, someone who is having a bad day (or maybe a bad life, and definitely hates this job), and is giving me 30 seconds to prove I will make it better, or I should just go fuck myself. Better to be called an asshole than strung along.

zig

Just to clarify, I didn't exactly string him along. I was fortunate that I had a very good reason at the time that I could not see new people, and it had to do with my time being very limited. I was literally always busy. He understood. I introduced him to a friend of mine who I knew would have a lot in common with him and they hit it off. They still see each other to this day, which is nice for everyone.

Gosh, I hope you haven't actually experienced too many angry providers!! :( I am so sorry if you have.

Posted By: ziggy440
Hard to imagine why you are here if you want to know the truth. Personally, I do not care why she says no, just that she says no. I would be annoyed at someone who did not say no, but was never available, because she is wasting my time. But whether she gives me the true reason for the no, a lie, or no reason at all makes zero difference to me, unless her reason happens to hit some nerve.

Not being told no is even worse than when you contact an angry provider, someone who is having a bad day (or maybe a bad life, and definitely hates this job), and is giving me 30 seconds to prove I will make it better, or I should just go fuck myself. Better to be called an asshole than strung along.

zig

HookerCops459 reads

The OP asked if we would like to know the truth in the situation she described. I answered the OP I would always prefer to be told the truth.

You respond to me with a bunch of nonsense that I don't give a shit about. I don't care how you feel about the topic or if you walk out in the street and play in traffic. That would be why you don't see me asking a question directed to other mongers in my response to HER.

I realize providers lie to us. That was not the OP's topic or question. Thanks for adding nothing.

What if you didn't recognize the name, and when you opened the door, there was someone you went to high school with! Do you go through with the session?

The reason I ask this is because there is a very real possibility something like this could happen to me.

I had to step in because she had an accident, but I am not a provider." I am sure there would be some fallout over that, but if I have to get a bad review to save my family from finding out so be it.

I usually get all the info. I need long before I agree to see a person. I ran into a former professor once and we went through with it. Both of us knew we were busted and he was married, so I doubt he will ever open his mouth. I have seen him since then at Alumni functions, and we just grin at each other. He is usually with his wife, who is VERY attractive.

He does not know my family as they are not from the same area...he might have seen them at graduation, but that was it. He knows my real name because well...he taught me lol. I also ran into a friend of my brother's once, but again he has just as much to lose by blabbing about it. I am not married..he is, and I know his wife very well.

How about the other way around?

Way back when I didn't know any better, I was looking through BP and saw an ad for a girl that I know socially. We both do the same sport.

She was clearly just dabbling, didn't have a website, self taken cell phone pics, etc. Perhaps they were stolen photos but I don't think so because there were multiple ads over a couple of weeks with different photos of the same girl.

I didn't feel compelled to tell her that I knew what she was doing to earn money for her college text books. Even though, at the time I was coming to the conclusion that BP was not a safe way to do business for anybody, and thought that she ought to be more careful, it was pretty obvious that no good would come from any misguided chivalry.

I get what you're saying, Sarah about how hot the idea of NSA fun is with somebody that you know. After all, this is all partly about playing out fantasies, at least it is for many of us guys. But i think that some fantasies are just to risky to play out.

I never thought of that. Did she show her face or did you recognize other things? I always wonder that about people who advertise on BP- they have to know those photos are going to be available forevermore! Some of the ladies are so young.

Posted By: SoftlySarah
I never thought of that. Did she show her face or did you recognize other things? I always wonder that about people who advertise on BP- they have to know those photos are going to be available forevermore! Some of the ladies are so young.
She was showing her face. I doubt I'd have been able to make a positive ID otherwise. Particularly because I know her from a martial arts gym where everybody is wearing shapeless white pajamas.

chrisjj577 reads

I think it would be totally hot to "run" into a former friend. However, If the provider did not want to see me I would prefer her just pretend to be busy. Most should get the point after a few attempts at setting up an appointment. I f she were to tell me she was declining me because she knew me I would be freaked out.

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