Defining relationships in the civie world can sometimes cause problems. Sometimes it's characteristic of the "dating scene" in general, i.e.: Girlfriend vs. F-buddy, Like vs. Love. Exclusive vs. No Strings Attached.
"So I know he likes me.... But does he like-me like me?"
On the flipside, defining relationships in the hobbyist world, from the outset, seems paramount. This is a business transaction after all, first and foremost. No more and no less. However, there is still a glaring human element to the transaction at hand, and I'm curious to know when, where, why and how a mutual friendship might actually enter into the mix.
In regards to this particular inquiry I'm unconcerned with the gents feelings about their "ATF".
I'm not talking about the rarest of mutual attractions that leads to the happily everafter. And I'm not asking with any preconceived notion, intention or desire. It's just that being a newbie has me questioning my own socially engineered approach to social interactions here. And I prefer to do right over wrong.
I mean, I like uninhibited sex as much as the next person. But, I naturally approach strangers in social settings wanting them to like me. And, given this nature, I tend to make personal gestures to open up the possibility of a personal connection. Especially within, but not exlusive to, the business realm.
So as providers, do you appreciate this sort of approach? Does it tend to set you at ease? Or are you repulsed by it? Does it make you suspicious? Confused? Or just plain cynical?
I'm not talking about obsessive and over-indulgent stalking behavior either. Because I've read the rants about incessant emails and texts and phone calls and such. I'm just talking about friendly, genuine interaction somewhere along the fringes of business.
I like to be a regular at my favorite restaurants. I like my favorite bartender to know what I want before I order a drink. And I like my friends to know how I take my coffee in case I have to leave the table before the waiter returns.
Is your business the same as the local eatery and bar and late-night diner? Are you happy to pander on the clock, but still occasionally interested enough to kick your shoes off and vent on the events of your day with a new-found friend after hours?
I'm a professional. Just like you. So I know sometimes you're all for getting a quiet drink after work, and sometimes you just want to go home and go to bed.
But, as a rule, when it comes to clients who seek familiarity and show a genuine interest in you... are you only watching the hours?
Or do you sometimes think:
Fuck it. I'm hungry. I could use a drink. And here's a genuinely nice guy willing to take care of me tonight.
Please let me preface the conclusion of my post with the fact that I appreciate all of you. Have no preconceived notions. And only want to do right....
However, there are many ladies that "work outside"
Each lady runs their business differently.
-- Modified on 5/20/2012 11:33:53 PM
No. I was not even close to asking that.
I am grateful for your response. But it still does not come close to addressing my central question.
If so, I havent done so and highly doubt I ever would. Once you give t away it's kinda hard to sell it. Many men will abuse your gesture/kindness to their advantage.
Post this on the Providers Only board...you may get better results. Not many ladies frequent the Newbie board.
Much Luck on your venture!
every provider has her own brand of personalized service..no two clients are ever the same..they have to be your best friend..psychologist..analyst..and lover..i never question their tactics..i just enjoy them..
When you come to spend time with me, we share everything you are comfortable with just like you would a close friend. I'm there to listen to and understand you in a nonjudgmental way, and I enjoy a genuinely personal connection just as much as you do.
But when it comes to any "off-the-clock" activities, I honestly do not have any time for them. I'm a single mother who still spends 1/2 of my time as a stay-at-home mom. Another 1/4 of the time I am working to provide an income for us, and the remaining 1/4 is devoted to staying in shape mentally and physically.
Some of the gentlemen on here have the attitude that they will pay for private time but want to have free time with getting drinks or grabbing something to eat. That is called dating and many of us do not have time for that or just don't want that kind of involvement. I personally feel those gentlemen need to find a sugar baby or have an affair if they want OTC time. I offer VERY discounted rates for companionship outside of private time that keeps me as busy as I wish to be and provides the complete social and physical interaction that I am looking for. I have absolutely no reason to see anyone OTC unless I am interested in a real GF/BF relationship with them, and at this time it's not an interest or option for me.
I also don't work very often...obviously, because I am here all day lol. When I tour, I cannot offer this dinner time so freely as I can do at home, and the ONLY time I will make such an offer is with a regular client who has already spent x amount. For instance if all you do is buy an hour, I am not offering any OTC time. If you buy 2 hours, odds are we are going to dinner OTC if I am at home and can do it.
First, OTC time has nothing to do with making an experience feel personal. Every single client is different, and every provider-client relationship has its own particular 'feel.' Of course we get to know each other, and become more familiar with each other's likes, dislikes, real-life goings-on, etc. The interactions can be genuine even while staying confined to the hours of the appointment.
Personally, I would always rather 'kick back' on my own time, in my sweatpants, on my couch, with my family/friends/boyfriend and civvie activities. When I'm with you, you expect me to look, behave, and treat you a certain way - and that is a service (which can get very tiring).
Just let her leave, and don't drop hints about 'oh, I'm getting a drink at this ritzy place,' or, 'oh, we didn't finish this bottle of wine, have one more glass or it will just go to waste,' or say 'you don't have to leave now, I don't mind if you stay longer.' For every ten clients she sees, nine and a half ask her for OTC time - remember that.
Be even more alert than she is about when her time is up, and just let her go. That courtesy will earn her heartfelt appreciation. If she decides she wants to stay longer, let her bring it up to you, rather than you putting her in an awkward position. And don't expect it to happen every single time
guys think that just because we are not "fkin" that it somehow suggests it's a breeze still wearing heels, lingerie, and keeping our make-up on for them..that is not reality. It really makes no difference what we would be doing if a guy was not there....it is OUR time to ourselves. I have had so many guys say, "Well you have the time to play on TER all day, so why not hang with me?" Umm, you're not my BF that's why, and I look like crap right now. I don't have to shave my legs to play on TER.
I bet someone is coming out with a hairy leg app that will let me know if you've shaved or not.
I just feel like I'm "on." I enjoy the time with almost all of my clients, but I always feel a bit relieved when I'm finally able to be alone and just relax.
I dated two clients in the past (one is still a friend to this day). That, of course, is completely different...like I said, I enjoy time with almost every client I see, but I just am not 100% myself with them, and I am treating them the way they want to be treated, not acting how I want to act. And that gets tiring. I have been in this business for a few years, and find that when clients want to be 'friends' they just want time/attention/sex from the ESCORT persona, for free. They are usually not so interested in the 'real' me, even if they think that's what they want.
nice that long lol. It's a struggle not to get moderated here every other week for going off on some jackwad, so I am a small does type of gal. I even warn my guys not to book an overnight unless you have taken me out for drinks prior to making that request. Being "myself" is not what I get paid for.
Don't go looking for it. This is P4P. It is a professional relationship between a client and a provider. You shouldn't enter it looking for romance or OTC friendship. That's not to say it doesn't happen occasionally. But if it happens, it should happen on it's own, then it is up to you to let it proceed, or to put a stop to it. But you should never go into a provider client relationship expecting or demanding it. Not only will there be no friendship, there is likely to be no P4P anymore either.
It is like any professional relationship. It is not unheard of for clients to become friends and have dinner, or drinks, or golf, or to attend social functions with their CPA, or dentist, or attorney, or contractor, etc. but I don't think anyone goes into the business relationship expecting that. ("I'm going to hire CCPA to do my taxes because I want to have dinner with him").
I have had friendships with Providers, but they were never planned, and never happened until after several dates. (and yes, I saw them in their sweats, lounging around with hair all messed up etc. -- not a problem at all for me)
I also provide a service for pay in my business, and I have clients that hired me once, paid me and I never heard from again, and clients that contact me again when they desire my services again, but I also have a few clients, that I actually "hang out" with.
As others have said, this is P4P. You are buying her time, and a fantasy/performance she puts on for you. It works best if you believe the performance, like any play or movie, which can be confusing.
She may like you, or she may not. If she is good at this, which she is or you would not want to spend more time with her, you will never know for sure. Yes, you will believe that she likes you, but that is part of the fantasy. If you are a good customer, you might get some special treats. You always have the option of demanding special treats, and if you do that you might get them. Asking her to join you for an OTC drink or dinner is demanding a special treat, no matter how you think you mean it.
You are paying for every special treat. You probably will pay less if she spontaneously offers you a special treat, and more if you demand one and get it. Business tends to work that way.
There are going to be times when the fantasy becomes reality, you do become friends, and it stops being P4P. That is rare, but it happens. It also is quite different from spending extra time together before or after a paid date.
Listen to the experienced guys - pay for your time, respect the time, enjoy the time, and then head out. If she is open to something else, she will let you know.