Ok. So about once a week I get a request from a member of this board.

The request usually goes like this...

“Hi River, I’m [insert hobbyists name].

I’m interested in seeing you with my [insert significant other]. We’ve talked about [deragatory slur about trans women] before, and I’d like to act on that. However, I don’t want her to know (option 1) that I’m in the hobby and/or (option 2) that your trans. Can we arrange this soon?

 
Signed hobbyists with a significant numbers of reviews”

 
This is usually followed with some qualifying statement that amplifies the offensiveness to whatever slur was used about how they don’t have to pretend their “sleeping with a man.”

First, fuck off...

Under no circumstance am I going to see you if you send me an explicit message of any kind, I’m also not going to see you if you’re using well known slurs to describe or talk to me. Those should be no brainers. While I’m open to a lot of things, I’m not remotely interested in herearomg how low you effectively put my existence on the totem pole. It’s insulting, and not at all in line with well know medical data on trans people.

Now the big issue...

 
Consent is a big thing, it’s not an option. Consent is mandatory—being given continuously and enthusiastically by all parties involved and can be revoked at any time without question. There is no situation in which I, or any reputable provider, would engage in a situation where someone’s consent is not present, which includes a partner.  

If you’d like to see me as a couple 1)I will screen both of you as I would anyone else 2)I will receive your partners consent prior to, and during a session, which includes knowledge  that I’m a)an escort b) trans.  

If you send me a message remotely similar to the above where you’re intentionally being deceptive to your partner and saying fuck their consent, I’m going to blacklist you personally, as well as blacklist you to all other providers.

Hobbling should be fun and exciting for all involved with no secrets. That’s a hard fucking line I won’t cross...

Early on during interaction for a potential couples appointment you can count on me wanting to speak directly with the significant other.
On a somewhat related matter, expecting a provider to final confirm any appointment without having at some point an actual phone convo (i.e., interaction on a text or email basis only) is a no go as well.
xoxo
K

I've gotten variations of this request. I think threesomes are a common fantasy and adding a trans woman into the mix seems to be something that's on some couples' fantasy radars. Where there's any interaction with a couple, I think it's natural for there to be a more-enthusiastic and less-enthusiastic partner, and even when there is full and open communication it can be treacherous for a provider to navigate through those issues. (It may help that I have been a part of poly relationships in my personal life.)

Where the wheels really come off of the bus, though, is when the more-enthusiastic partner figures on "surprising" their other half with a threesome/provider. I suppose the hope is that the "surprise" is a way to avoid a difficult conversation that may result in rejection. I think it's disrespectful to both the partner and the provider, particularly because the provider can be caught in the middle (haha) between the couple's fight.

Consent is difficult enough to navigate with people who aren't trans and there simply no respectful way for that to be a surprise.

I have had great experiences with couples, and the ones that haven't been a total waste of my time have all involved enthusiasm (and verification) on the part of the woman, with no talk of surprises. And I've never had an "I want this to be a surprise" inquiry turn into a screened client who's gone through with an appointment.

Surprising a SO with a threesome is likely never going to turn out well. Those conversations should happen before everyone is in an awkward position.

No escort wants to spend her time listening to the potential fight the couple may have... nor would one want to sit there and try to convince her to partake. Ugh. It's suppose to be wanted and exciting. Little surprised that guys would even try to hook up threesomes with escorts without the SO already agreeing to it... seems pretty stupid to even try to pull.