I had a crush on one provider and planned for her visit for 3 months.  I scheduled her time, and even paid a bit extra so that I would not feel rushed.  On the appointed day, I had read her website with great care, and bought a gift for her based upon what I read.  I showed up on time... and while the experience was good, from the start, she was standoffish! but I thought, maybe i am over interpreting....  

Then as the date progressed, and after we had gone out for a snack - we got back to her room, she announces that she has not one, but two additional appointments and I must go so that she can see them... and the clock is still ticking on time I paid for!  yieeesh.  Gentleman that I am I prepare to leave, but as she had complained about some free time on her calendar, I asked if we could get together - and she said sure, call.... I did call the next day and was blown off.....  I felt really bad about this.

then, we have the opposite.  A lady blows into town, she dresses especially for me, blows me away with her charm and great looks... and I was not even expecting it.... in fact, I had a great time with her, even better than my "dream" date!

So why is the gal that we anticipate the most... the one who is least attractive in the final analysis!?  why is that?



-- Modified on 4/23/2007 6:35:54 PM

Hello my dear BizzaroSuperdude,
Well, I suppose it's like with everything else in life - SERENDIPITY is the operative word.

As to the provider situation in question, I believe it was immense projection [always fun, isn't it] on your part. That darn crush just wouldn't deliver! As to her "standoffishness," she may have sensed your being overeager for her beaver - or just her being, existentially speaking. People in general are sensitive to 'engulfing' dynamics; when they feel the least bit psychologically imposed upon, they will retreat or pull back.

Now in terms of the one from whom you didn't expect very much - well, her goal became to wow YOU and get you to respond - and apparently it worked. So, in the final analysis, it may be optimal to set one's thermostat in the middle - even though it's tough to regulate one's emotions.

What is it they say - "Fools Rush In?"
the Love Goddess

everytime I build up the anticipation at all on a lady I am disappointed...but ladies I expect to be average blow me away.

I have gotten to the point where I will not book a top tier lady if I have wanted to see her for a while until I get over my "crush" on her.

I find that being in a more "realistic" place when I see a lady makes the session all that more unbelieveable...I know, makes no sense, but it works.  

Best of luck in finding the one that really trips your trigger.

This is a very interesting thread.  I've learned some new things.  I think that yes, on one hand a hobbyist may build an anticipation no one could meet.

But by the same token a provider should try to make the effort to understand what it is her date is hoping for.

From a provider standpoint I've also had dates that I expected would be fabulous turn out to only be average. I think a lot just depends on "connnection."

Jessica and I often get calls from gents who have been watching us online for months and we want them to have a date they will remember for life.  To me it's very important for us to live up to the fantasy.  Even if it's impossible.

But I think that communication is very important.  Gents please don't be afraid to mention what you expect of your provider when you are arranging your first meeting.

Not everyone is expecting the experience of a lifetime but if you are make it clear. Not all providers are able or interested in offering a lifetime memory.  Some are just looking for short-time boom-boom, as are many hobbyists.

If you want to spend extra time with her, let her know in advance, and expect to compensate her accordingly.  There is no excuse for over booking such a date - likewise no excuse for cancelling on short notice without taking care of her.

So have fun - and communicate!

Just my opinon, hugs
TS Jamie

-- Modified on 4/24/2007 1:05:36 AM

When we hang our expectations on others, we're often let down. This is especially true when our expectations seem burdensome or, as LG put it so well, engulfing.

It's a very tricky dance to be able to prepare to take advantage of a future experience without expectations. For me, a meditation practice has helped. I can get rid of the internal dialog and stay calm, yet focused, so that the moment is what matters, not what I want the moment to be.

That said, I would be pretty disappointed if i had paid extra and was asked to leave before my time was up.

That makes or breaks the date.

I've met many a fine provider who did everything you would hope for and was everything that I expected, yet I didn't get that great rush that I love from a date.

Then others, even if the performance is not all what you would hope for, give me a rush that brings me back over and over.

I don't know how else to explain it.

one - that when anyone feels "engulfed" it can be overpowering and adds a sense of tension that is very uncomfortable... Did I do that? it is possible - as I have been told that I can be overpowering at times (not just in the hobby)...

and second, chemistry - not matter what I might feel for another - if it is not reciprocal, then not much good will come of it.  

good points to ponder!  but for the most part, most encounters go as I would expect, I have a good time, so does the lady - we each get from the encounter what we contracted for, and for the most part, part happy!  yea, the hobby is good like that!

Thanks all!

Save this one for your all-time-best-advice book.

I will try to explain as one who is currently "admired"...I have a very sweet, especially thoughtful man from MH who sends me emails once every few days. He generally says,

Alyssa I can't wait to meet you I dream about you I think about you all night long and I can't wait until I can hold you in my arms and kiss every inch of your body and feel your soft lips on mine.....so on and so forth.

While this is VERY flattering it DOES make me uncomfortable....what if I do not live up to his expectations and worse, what if I exceed them and he totally falls for me? How do you hold a heart in your hand when you know you can and never will feel the same way?  My dilemma is that I truly would like to see him but I am a bit standoffish and somewhat curt to a point because I think he needs to lose the infatuation stage before I agree to an appointment with him...not just for him but for me as well...I am just NOT comfortable seeing someone who is well....somewhat obsessed.

I would say that you should admire from afar and wait until your initial infatuation wears off so the lady in question can relax and enjoy your time together...I also agree that booking that many appointments for time YOU have paid for is a terrible NO NO.

My philosophy: Treat your gentlemen as you would treat your lover and they will always remember you...

We men say stuff like this because it feeds our fantasy and also we think that you gals really like this mushy stuff as well.  (Whether you really do or not is another story and a topic for another discussion.)

In any case, the time to start worrying is when he starts talking about taking you out to dinner with his parents, what size ring do you wear, what do you think about names for the kids, etc.

I jsut went to your web site and I can't wait to hold you in my arms.....

; )

well thank you darling I am totally flattered!

If you have low expectations, you are hardly ever disappointed.

...Or, as a sales manager told me years ago:  "The secret to customer satisfaction is to underpromise and overdeliver."

for her approval/attention. Another problem is being too nice. Women, both providers and civvies, don't like men who are not challenging or confident. Next time try to be a little cocky and funny and see what happens.

For example, when I meet a provider wearing big ear rings, I say: hey those are very nice ear rings. After she thanks me for the compliment, I add, very smart of you to wear your bracelets as ear rings. She can't help but laugh and blush at the same time