LG has, on a number of occasions, stressed the need to compartmentalize the feelings that occur in certain of us when hobbying.  I have my own definition of what that means and have read some of her advise but I would like to hear from others, both male and female, about what it means to you.

I constantly struggle with my feelings for a provider that I see and it is both wonderful and difficult.  It has happened before but only very rarely.  Certain providers have made me fall in serious lust bordering on wanting them as a girlfriend.

So, please tell me what your particular mental/emotional strategies are to avoid or control this.

-- Modified on 12/27/2006 2:43:15 PM

that this will not last forever, that it really is a fantasy. I think, on some level, I can easily say that I love her. Hell, if I can tell my dogs and my friends that I love them, I think I can muster sentiments of love for a woman who lets me ravage her twice a month. Just a few thoughts.

-- Modified on 10/28/2007 11:33:19 AM

It's a sign of health, Trickier Dick,

You're mentally sound and in touch with your emotions...like a fine-tuned instrument! Good for you! Now, I don't know if you're married, in a relationship, or just leery of getting involved with every woman you end up boning. If you are in a relationship with an S.O., one strategy might be imagining having a conversation about your extracurricular activities and your feelings with her. See where the imaginary conversation leads. Does the S.O. fall to pieces? Does she encourage your activities? And most of all, what happens to your feelings inside while the conversation is going on?

Having other women on the side, whether escorts or civvies, may not necessarily be for everyone. At this point, I would suggest spending some time analyzing your relationship with the woman you are involved with, to see if your feelings for other ladies are a form of compensation for what you're not getting in your civvie life. And if you are unattached, is there anything else other than personal morals or rules preventing you from thinking about these women as potential partners?

Juuust another 2 cents,
the Love Goddess

Always remember that it is a fantasy. Fall in love with the fantasy and not the girl.

our most recent former President ... and of which we have not yet heard the end. But let me try to keep this out of the Politics Board and in the realm of the Erotic Highway.

Bringing it down to a personal level ... in my three and a half years in this "hobby" I have crossed the line - big time - with four providers, out of ... many ...

There is one with whom I am deeply involved ... in love, if you will ... and the feelings are reciprocal. Each of us is married - to someone else - and where it will ultimately lead, God only knows.

Another lady is a now very dear friend, though we are no longer carnally involved. I have actually releted this story in greater detail - on this very board, but under an alias - ten points to anyone who can find that post.

Still another hovers on the border between provider/client and ... something else. She knows more about me than any provider, save for the first I mentioned, and I know more about her than any hobbyist. We play together, hang together, share things that are shared by few.

And the last. A shooting star. Nine months of amazing adventures, together and with others ... until she chose to end it on terms of her own.

So does this help you, Trickier Dick? Probably not. The nature of this hobby is such that feelings sometimes bubble over - at least for some. You must learn to deal with these feelings in a way that works for you. These are dangerous waters, but . . . .

Wow.  It sounds to me like compartmentalization in not the correct term here!  More like: going full-out and all-sheets-to-the-wind!!

How in the world do you keep your wife from discovering these trysts as it sounds like you are seriously involved with several fantastic ladies all at once?

Thanks for the post but this is exactly what I am trying to avoid (although it sounds like a blast!!!).

While I have an SO of 36 plus years, there are just some things I need to get outside of our relationship. There are a couple of provider I absolutely adore and see not only for their talents in the sack but just for their personalities.  They are huggable in the extreme - I currently have a session scheduled with one in particular who has "retired" and gone UTR but I see around four times a year.
There is nothing wrong with having feelings for a lady - as long as you just realize that the relationship may never go anywhere seriously - but what is important is that you have it in the now.
Life is too short - enjoy each day / session as a gift, which it what it really is.

The feelings are real. You connected. Whether or not these feelings get misplaced depends upon how you act upon them.  Loving, non-romantic friendships can and do occur in the hobby.  As sgandolfs said...enjoy it...

-- Modified on 12/28/2006 8:56:29 AM

That's the best advice I have read.  Enjoy it in the now and enjoy it as a gift.

Great attitude.  That is something I can get my mind around and I appreciate your post very much.

"hobbying" any different?  Personally, I would not have an initial session unless I felt an attraction for a provider;  I would not  have repeat sessions unless I felt an affinity for the provider and yes, hopefully there is some magic involved.  Given that affinity, I believe anyone would feel a temptation to wish for more but I realize that we are both indulging in a relationship where we can suspend our disbelief and reality need not, and should not intrude - we can just enjoy each other in our imaginary world and for a short time.  Pressures of the "real" world can be left behind.  If I’m really lucky, it’s not just a physical act, but feelings of Passion and intimacy will come into play.  How do I manage that relationship and those feelings?  The experience may be ephemeral but the memory remains - I try to take them for the gift they are and when I walk out the door, remember them fondly and savor the memory of them like a fine wine or meal.  

At work I manage vendors and am almost invariably friendly with those I choose to do business with; Fact is, I have become friends with one or two and I do not EVER use the word FRIEND lightly – that friendship may, or may not be requited – I can only speak for and be true to myself and my feelings;  That does NOT mean that I allow that friendship to interfere with business - I have to compartmentalize that as well.  For a friend I will often go out of my way to help and sometimes act to my own detriment (but not I hope, to that of my family or business).  I believe I have also become friends (not just friendly) with one or two providers.  Just because this is “hobbying” should it be any different?

In life in general, I believe I am a friendly and generous person;  A loyal and steadfast friend.  On the other hand, when I feel I am or have deliberately been taken advantage of, I turn into a cold hearted SOB and unless the matter is corrected, usually terminate the relationship.  Again, I ask myself, "why is or should hobbying any different”?

I don’t know that this is a healthy approach or attitude to life, work or hobbying, but I do know that it works for me.  Call it being schizoid, compartmentalization or whatever - I just think it's another facet of me being me.

sgandolfs -

Thanks for the viewpoint. It is very helpful. I have made it my New Year's resolution for 2007.

*enjoy each session as a gift, which it what it really is* - quoted from post by sgandolfs

Happy New Year
-Codpeace

-- Modified on 12/30/2006 7:28:32 PM

-- Modified on 12/30/2006 7:29:54 PM

I have felt myself going around the bend for trysters before.  If I feel my emotions going overboard-- I see a different lady or two for a while and try to disrupt it.  If I begin to fall for her I see another.  

There are a couple of drawbacks with trying to do this.  One is that if you are really gone, you might not want to.  The second of course is that it could require a terrific amount of money to break the spell.

But it's also a terrific amount of fun to do.