I had a session yesterday that has me at a cross road. I would love to but unfortunately I can not divuldge the identity of the lady (so you can simply see how gorgeous she is) as it is her request to stay waaay under the radar. Ladies I would really appreciate your perspective too.
So here goes....
I've been hobbying now for say 10 years and literally this lady and I started in the hobby scene together and she was my very second appointment EVER. She had not been in the biz more then say two months herself at that time. Given the shill factor on TER let me make it plain that by any measure this lady is a bonafide 10!!! Almost perfect body; exquiste face; comfortable and pleasing personality; the works! Trust me, I do not exaggerate. Once I was on the West coast on business and flew her out to hang with me for a few days and when we walked the streets together (dinner, shows, etc) men and women alike would do triple takes and go nuts.
Our first session was cauteous as we both were feeling each other out, yet the connection and vibe was lying just under the surface and we both could feel it. As I've stated before I'm a leg guy so during our first session that was my focus (leg play, stockings, heels, feet etc). So while we did engage in penetration (covered of course) the most intense ending was with the leg and feet play.
After that first meeting we would get together at least every other month or once a quarter. she provides full on GFE just like I like it (DFK, passion, DATY, strong intamcy, etc.) If it were not for the hobby rules and etiquette we could easily be buddies, friends with benefits; or just close aquaintences at a minmum.
Now here's the rub. Not once have a had a full-on standard strong, tried-and-true hard-on with this women when it came to full on penetration and the normal mish, doggy, etc, positions. She could get my off with HJ and only keep me kinda hard with BBBJ. The times when a strong erection was achieved...after the cover and several strokes I would lose the erection. She is the ONLY women (that I've been totally attracted too) that I've experienced this with. We have talked openly about it and the usual suspects have been considered; I'm too anxious; too tired/overworked; etc. etc. But still the same result. It has progressed to the point now where it's a joke.....I keep coming back to conquer the penetration issue.
For comparison, there is another provider that I see regularly that is not as attractive, and not even full GFE (I even tolerate no DATY). Yet, as soon as she walks in the room I am as hard as chinese arithmatic and can literally do the deed for the entire hour with a strong hard on and cum on the 59th minute. For whatever reason this particular provider has that effect on me.
So here's my question. After the session yesterday I seriously am thinking this will probably be the last time I see her. I'm conflicted over missing her as a person, her beauty, and her company. Along with the fact that we have hobby history. But I don't need to pay for that. And in the end that's what the arrangement is all about....."bonin"
What would you DO?
Dear Tall6969,
While I truly appreciate your dilemma, it is impossible for anyone but YOU to really decide what you should do. Only you live in your body and only you are having these exact reactions in these particular situations with these specific women. So we can imagine what it would be like, but we can only look at it from our own, individual perspective...which isn't exactly like yours.
Now, some brief explanations as to why this is happening. The reverence in which you engage when you describe this woman is palpable. Methinks she's been put on a pedestal of extraordinary magnitude - particularly compared to the "other" provider, with whom you get as hard as "Chinese arithmetic" [cute analogy!] Hence, talk about approaching 'the Goddess'[no reference to yours truly who hardly qualifies, LOL] with some unconscious trepidation and performance anxiety! As to her plain Jane sistah, well, no problem there - you don't have to prove anything, the mood doesn't have to be perfect - in fact, all that's demanded is to bang away with gusto.
Another factor is actually biochemical; for some reason, the oft-disputed VNO (vomeronasal organ) does appear to react to pheromones and guess what - provider number two may just have that nitric oxide/vasopressin effect on you, generating some serious woody. It has nothing to do with perfume or hygiene - it's simply that some people "exude" a chemical mix that thrills one and repels another. Nuttin' weird about it - we may have lost that smellin' feeling we once shared with our simian cousins, but it doesn't mean that it's still not affecting us in some way.
So what should you do? Well, here are some suggestions:
1. Ask Ms Perfect to drop the exquisiteness. Tell her to wear no makeup [hey, women will do anything for money, LOL], no fancy hair and no sexy garb. Schedule a meeting that's super casual - no alcohol, no fancy dinner, no seduction whatsoever. Instead, go to the movies. Yup, I'm serious. Go, like a schleppy couple on a Saturday nite and see some mainstream flick. Nothing too cerebral, nothing too romantic, just something lightweight. Share some popcorn or candy, go have some not-so-special food afterwards, and then go cuddle up. See what happens. If the flag still flies at half-mast, then bid the lady adieu and chalk it up to invisible chemicals. If there are fireworks, then you'll know to dial down the reverence a bit. Heck, maybe she looks all beady-eyed and pale without the spackle and the high heels, and then you'll know that you're just banging an average chick that doesn't necessarily turn heads on the street. Quite frankly, it always amazes me how women REALLY look when they get out of bed, LOL. Maybe that's what you need - a wake-up call with someone reg'lar to get some morning wood, LOL.
2. As to dame number two - well, clearly, you don't have to deal with much effort. It's basically about release and that's precisely what you're getting. So don't drop her, whatever you do.
3. Just stop and think about the halo effect for a minute. Many times, men get performance and appearance confused [we've had this discussion here before] and believe that if it looks good, it must be good. In actuality, it seems that a slight majority of reviewers prefer a 10 in bed and a 5 in looks than the other way around. Not to cast aspersions on your beauteous lady's performance, but sometimes there is very little significant difference once you get down to the moans and groans under pretty much identical bedroom conditions.
As to your "hobby history," hmmm.....Now we're even getting sentimental over someone with whom the entire act was not consummated? And anti-prostituion activists tell us that men are predators and think of one thing only. Ha! They should hang out on this board for a while...
Try the remedy, see if it works,
The Love Goddess
..Others have advised that it's the "goddess" effect and that I'm waaay too enthralled with this lady.
Regarding her and make-up....she wears none! See I told you she was fine as hell. And I was ROFLMAO when you said just chalk if up to invisible chemicals because that's another joke that we have. That she is throwing off negative "nitric oxide/vasopressin."
Regarding my less then 10 friend...it's gotta be the chemicals cause she gets me going!!!!!!
Back in 2006 when I was doing some serious statistics on the Los Angeles reviews, this was a question that interested me. What I found was that appearance and performance scores were strongly correlated. (I always suspected this had more to do with the reviewers than with the escorts.)
The strong correlation between scores meant that there were NO escorts with (10,5) reviews or (5,10) reviews. Thus, anyone venturing an opinion regarding a preference was working from pictures in his head that were not based on any real examples found in the reviews.
The strong correlation between appearance and performance scores added some dificulties to determining the effect of each on price. However, I finally concluded that appearance had a much stonger effect on price than did performance. This would seem to contradict the stated preference for performance over appearance. However, it might mean nothing more than the fact that it is much harder to predetermine performance than it is predetermine appearance.
In any case when I was attempting to build a model that explained price as a function of the appearance and performance scores I was never able to support an argument that one was more important than the other.
What I was able to demonstrate was that price correlated with the PRODUCT of the appearance and performance scores better than it did with either alone (or even the sum of the two scores for that matter). In other words, increasing her performance score by one had more value for a lady who rated 10 in appearance than it did for a lady rating 5 in appearance. Also, a decrease in one in either score can not be compensated for by an increase in one in the other score.
I don't know whether or not this still holds true, but I suspect it does.
since all meetings between a hobbyist and provider are all YMMV and all reviews and ratings of performance and/or appearance are all extremely subjective, how in the world could u ever hope to draw any kind of correlation or conclusion whatsoever? there are some men who think I'm a stone cold 10 in appearance and some that wouldnt let me pay them for a roll in the hay. surely u are entitled to draw what ever inferences u wish too, but gee, i really think your logic might just be a little bit flawed. just not the way i learned statistical analysis, granted, i didnt really enjoy the subject that much. lol
It used to be true (I haven't checked in a decade or so) that average height for adult males was 5'10" and for adult females 5'4". The standard deviation was 2.5" for each. From this you can say that most adult females are between 4'11" and 5'9". Does this tell you anything about the height of LG (or any other specific woman)? No, it does not.
In a similar fashion the market appeared to force some interesting correlations between appearance scores, performance scores (as flawed as both these scores are, and believe me I am aware of the flaws) and advertised asking prices. Could you predict what any given provider would be asking? No. Could you predict what the average asking price would be for all the providers having a given product of their (one-year average) performance and appearance scores? You could come pretty close. (The model yielded a population correlation coefficient of 0.77 meaning it explained about 58% of the variance in pricing of TER reviewed escorts offering incall in LA in 2006.)
-- Modified on 5/16/2009 9:13:50 PM
-- Modified on 5/16/2009 11:02:07 PM
Um...Huh?
First of all I think you are being presumptuous in assuming that if it where not for the hobby you would be friends with this lady. You have no way of knowing that based on a P4P relationship no matter how long it has gone on. You may well be right but you will only find out AFTER you eliminate money from the equation.
As far as what you should do, as LG said, only you can decide that. I can't even really figure out why you are asking this NOW a after many years of the same thing. If you are over it then I would say move on. No sense in paying for something that you are no longer enjoying. If you are thinking that stopping the money train will initiate a non P4P relationship with her I would be careful not to make that assumption.
The assumption of being friends outside the P$P formula is just that. And I probably would make an ass of myself pursuing that assumption which I have no plans to do. However, unless she is truely a money grubbing, cold harded bitch, then I would think our history would lend itself to at least a very paltonic casual friendship in the real world.
Well there you go making uncalled for assumptions again. You have had a P4P relationship with her and nothing more. The fact that she may choose not to see it as any more than that does not make her money grubbing, cold-hearted or a bitch. Your history has always revolved around money. Why would you assume it could revolve around anything else. Don't confuse a friendly demeanor during your paid-for time together to be any more than that.
I could be wrong. Maybe you two crazy kids will become fuck buddies, bridge partners or both but my point is you have no right to EXPECT that or judge her if it doesn't happen.
While I understand and appreciate your call for caution and not buying into assumptions I do need to add that based on my personal experience......3 instances to be exact. I've had providers suggest to me that an off-line, real world reltionship was a possibility and a real option from their point of view. In these cases I chose not to pursue it for the strong possibility of drama later. Hence, even with my goddess 10 I would think three times before pursuing any type of relationship outside of the P4P formula.
Bottom line....my assumptions are not purely that but there is a basis in reality for it based on my personal experience.
Dude, you asked for opinions and I gave you mine. Nothing that has happened with other women will dictate what happens with this one.
Obviously I am an outsider here only reading what you have posted but from where I am standing your assumptions are just assumptions. Good luck. I hope you find what you are looking for.
he's hell bent that he is god's gift to providers and that 'his' relationships with them has NOTHING to do with the $$$ left on the bedside as evidenced by the numerous providers who have offered to relinquish the P4P relationship for the pleasure of his company. your point was not lost on me at least. I sometimes get that 'glow' after a particularly good date with someone whose company i truly enjoy as well and fantasize that there would be a magnificent civvie relationship ongoing. fortunately for me, my temporary dementia usually passes in about 15 or so minutes.
i'm not really attacking you tall, i just am in the same camp as BostonGuy. who the hell can know what a relationship woulda coulda shoulda been if no $$$$ were ever exchanged. last i checked, a song could not be unsung. and i reckon i needed a little confession of my own. last night was one such night when i was deluded for a few minutes. thank goodness it also passed. i hope yours either comes to fruition or it passes as mine does everytime.
take care.
I met a woman that was way to beautiful for the likes of me. She was From Romania also turned heads when we walked down the street. She is not a provider but is married to an older gentleman who can't perform. Anyhow here's my situation I had the same issue as you. I took a viagra and had the best sex ever 4hrs worth. I can see other women and not need it but with her to this day I still have to take one when with her.
and my response is that I don't smoke, drink, do drugs, and I'm a vegetarian so Viagra would be me last option of an option at all.
Right or wrong, I fear a subsequent dependence on the little blue pill along with my personal preference to do natural or not at all. When calls my balls to quit then I guess I'll have to live off memories. While not out of the question I would really have to conclude that I need to conquer the goddess effect with her before I move on.
I have had exactly the same experience. There's an ATF I've seen many times but have never been able to come with. I've had ED issues as well with her. I've seen several others recently and have had no problems in either area. No matter what, I will eventually go back to see her because, well, we have a connection and...uh... I think she's a goddess.
I feel ya. But I think I'm done with her as my pratical side and the 10 years of $$$$ investment has not had the original return I was hoping for.
I know guys who want the playboy look gf but they have fond memories of the plump girl who did put out for them in high school
do you think of your physical flaws when you are around the perfect woman or do you think that maybe she wouldn't hang out with you if you weren't paying her.... the little man downstairs doesn't play games, he knows what is going on
Bro, it's a business. If the "pretty one" doesn't do it for you, move on. Plus, you want to be friends with her because she is pretty? My friend, that's truly demented. Find yourself a pretty girl "friend" who is NOT in the business. PLUS the arrangement is all about "bonin". The"pretty one" knows that and that's why she is friends with you. She is getting paid for it. Now find yourself a girl who will get you off. End of story....