Dear Love Goddess
I am 50 and on blood pressure meds and LOVE the hobby. My disappointment is that I take way too long to cum. When I’m with wife or provider. Wife doesn’t help matters but that’s actually why I’m a Hobbist.
I have a few providers that I really love to be with and on a number of occasions I have seen them, I actually did not cum, even after an hour of sex. They are lil troopers to help me until our time ends but its so frustrating. I have concluded that I need at least 90 min to 2 hours to relax enough to have an orgasm. When I do it is so deep and complete that I am spent for more than a couple days.
My problem is I want to tell them up front that I take a long time to work up to orgasm but I just can’t find the right way to ask them for their help.
I enjoy all sex but love a good HJ. However, I know it can be tiring for the provider. What are providers views of extended HJ’s? I know I have the problem of not just relaxing and enjoying the HJ, and I am working on that.
I would like to tell this to the provider but I’m not sure the best way. Can you help?.
Aaaw, MiddayLover,
Why the long face? Don't you worry! Providers with some experience and maturity under their garterbelts LOVE to give handjobs. You just have to let them know that you are on BP meds, and that they do a number on you. Simple as that. And then go easy on their little vaginas. They can get all sore from all those condoms, chemical lubes, etc. if used for a whole hour.
If I were you, I'd book for 2 hours, let the lady know the scoop upfront, get into some good, old-fashioned p-v intercourse sooner than later, and then transfer into the handjob, sans condom. Believe me, providers have zero problems with extended hand jobs. And, you know what? If she's the more imaginative kind, just think of all the juicy stories and fantasies she can get into while her hand is doing the marimba on your penis. Fantasies and handjobs go together like salt and pepper. Or hobbyists and providers, LOL.
Believe me, if you search out a mature, experienced and sophisticated provider, your handjobs could be the utmost in erotic nirvana. The talking, the playing...very, very exciting. Not to mention the reward at the end. Makes a girl feel very special after such a session!
Go for it,
the Love Goddess
I am in pretty much the same boat that you are ML. Honestly, I have not had any problems finding ladies who are willing to finish me off with an extended BBBJ, HJ or both. I think you will have better luck with more experienced GFE ladies as a lot of younger girls just want to finish you off ASAP and get you out the door. I learned the hard way that the words "are you close yet" can be a bigger mood killer than any prescription medication!
I have experienced the problem of not finishing a couple of times as well. Eventually I learned what works for me and what doesn't and I have been lucky enough to find a couple of great ladies as favs who are patient and willing to take things slowly. I do, as LG suggested, always book two hour appointments. It makes a world off difference as I found that watching the clock and hoping I would "get er' done" in the alloted time was one of my biggest problems. Take the time to relax and enjoy the time with a lady. The right gal will definitely make it worth your while!
Be up front with the lady and let her know what your medical issues are. Also, don't be afraid to "help out" a little if her hand or jaw gets tired.
-- Modified on 11/15/2008 10:55:07 AM
Everything Bostonguy said applies for me too. But here are some more words of encouragement:
1. It gets better as you relax with more experience- where I almost never came in penetration and had to finish with bbbj or hj often, now I finish in penetration about half the time.
2. I always book 2 hr or at minimum 90 min appts to allow much time, and I try to let myself relax and get off on the initial bbbj if possible so I can enjoy the rest of the session with relaxed penetration and other love making.
3. Repeat visits same person to allow you greater comfort and to learn each other helps- a favorite finished me orally the first time, then we went four sessions in a row with no orgasm at all, and now she is one of the ones I can orgasm in penetration.
4. Bostonguy's comments about more experienced gfe are right on- "have you come yet?" or "are you about to come" or starting up with the "yeah baby" "come for me baby" only increase the pressure and are definitely mood killers.
5. Even great gfe ladies sometimes think more agressive bbbj or aggressive thrusting in penetration will help, but in fact us older guys sometimes numb to the stimulation and the more aggressive tries add pressure again. Lots of breaks for cuddle and tease do wonders, and lots of variation- sucking, licking stroking, etc help.
6. By ALL means- tell her! You do work the lady too hard if you are slow to come, and telling her what works for you, what mood kills, and that you need rests and variation will let her know she can rest periodically.
7. And she will absolutely love it if you do things to help- add your own hand while she is bbbj (you can squeeze much harder than she can), a good gal will encourage you and be pleased with anything you do to help her.
8. Finally, and most important: Realize that just being with a beautiful woman, experiencing penetration, kissing, cuddling, body sliding, the closeness is 95% of what it is all about and the orgasm is a flash in the whole experience. With this attitude, I haven't been bothered a bit or embarrassed by the times I haven't come at all in a session and have been able to walk away satisfied, and been able to reassure the lady that it's okay as well! Sometimes the best orgasm has been in the shower after home by hand, recalling fondly the previous session!
-- Modified on 7/7/2008 11:17:17 AM