I like to "give" and yes it does give me some degree of pleasure to make sure that even a paid companion "gets hers" but I can't imagine PAYING hundreds of dollars an hour to "give" a massage and DATY.
Some women get off on DATY faster than others, but if you have to spend an entire fucking hour getting her motor running, you are most definitely doing something wrong. Now if I am not paying "for her time" like I do with SB's where I have as much time as I want without the "meter running" I "might" give an SB a massage, but if I am only spending an hour or two with a lady, she is NOT getting a massage from me.I don't know if this is the proper forum for this question, but I'll give it a shot.
Background: my ex always said she never liked DATY. I'm pretty sure it's because I didn't know how to do it, and did everything wrong. I'd ask her to tell me what to do, but she wouldn't. So it went for 35 years. When I started seeing providers, I'd try to do it, they'd make fake noises, but when I asked them to tell me what to do, they'd just lie and say I was doing fine.
I started reading articles and watching how-to videos, particularly those done by lesbians, and tried applying what I'd learned. The last two providers seemed to respond. I took a lot of time relaxing them with massages and words and touch before even putting my tongue in gear. I think their reactions were genuine, although they didn't seem to be having major orgasms.
I think I'm not getting them to the point where they're really orgasming, even though they say they are. I'd like to take it further.
Any suggestions as to how to know when to change up the pace or the pressure or work a different spot, how to do it, etc?
Really, any suggestions at all would be very welcome.
There is no one way or technique that will make her organism. It's a matter of watching how they react, both with their bodies and with their eyes. Some women will tell you what they want or where to go. If they aren't enjoying it, they will quickly change positions.
I know when I've hit that magical spot because they tend to either want to start playing with my hair or really start to shift their hips. Their reaction when they finally do climax is always fun.
There is no universal answer that will be correct in all cases, not to mention women are a LOT more complicated in every regard than men, especially "down there" lol
The best hint I can give you is to make your default setting "soft and slow" and work up the pace and pressure as she responds to you. You can always go faster or harder, it's much tougher to slow down or go softer if you get too rough or hard for her. Some women are more sensitive than others and require a very soft touch, while others will fatten your lip with their writhing and bucking. lol
This is probably not the place to ask for specifics, what will drive one woman crazy with pleasure might actually cause physical pain to another. You need to learn how to read her body language if you want to get any good at it
Every gal seems to have a different preference on how to do it, and even then some gals' preferences change over time. Some gals like light flicks of the tongue, others want you to literally chew on them.
Only about half the gals I see now enjoy it, or at least allow me to do it. There's only one that really gets off on it judging by the gyrations and liquid releases she exhibits.
In general, start out slowly and don't go for the clitoris right away, sneak up on it. Change up from tongue strokes to sucking once in a while, but not when you sense they are getting close. When they are getting close, then whatever you are doing to get them that far, stay with it till something happens.
Beyond that, it's uncharted territory.
By the way, doing a lot of DATY for long periods can be hell on your neck and shoulders. I have bone spurs in my shoulder as a result of one gal who used to insist I stay on the job for up to an hour each time we did it, and I was seeing her almost weekly for a period of several years. To prevent this kind of injury, have her lie face up with her legs over the side of the bed, and you kneel on a pillow on the floor facing her. That way your neck is not forced back with the resulting damage to the bones as the base of your neck.
I rarely do DATY as a result, and the pain has mostly abated, but if it were to continue, I'd need surgery to remove the bone spurs.
the root cause for that injury? I can only envision the conversation going something like this...
"So what seems to be the problem?"
"Well Doc, I've been face fucking this chick for hours at a time and I think its causing this pain in my neck."
"Ohh, I see. Well did you consider maybe not spending so much time at the "Y"."
"Yea, I did, but she insisted and no was not an option."
Sorry, I just couldn't resist.
I rarely DATY especially on a first time meet. For the ladies, they need to be in that comfort zone with you, to feel you. If not then they'll just look up at the ceiling checking their watches and rolling their eyes while you're going down on them...And if you're looking to give them an orgasm, let it happen naturally, it's not a contest.
-- Modified on 2/12/2017 10:11:09 AM
I know every woman is different. Every provider I've seen has had a different BJ style, but none of them so far have done it the way I really like it.
If you folks can just post some different things that have worked for you, I'll give them a try and see what happens.
It may also be that I'm not going to get any provider that far because my age limits how turned on they can get.
Don't dive into the "pool" so soon.
I read a comment on the General forum about giving the lady a massage first, and I've done that each time. Start with shoulders, work down the back and thighs to the calf muscles, turn her over and work up from calves to thighs to inner thighs. Then get down and caress and kiss her inner thighs, lightly running my hands over her near her vagina, but only occasionally brushing against it. Then brush and kiss the lips starting from the bottom and working to the top. Then work around the clit and in the little recess behind it (forget the name), before finally lightly licking the top and sides of the clit.
The last time out, I noticed that she was rocking her hips fore and aft as I was licking the top of her clit, so I just kept my tongue in place and let her set the pace. She opened her legs wider, and then was running her hands all over her body, including down around her vagina. I took this as a positive sign, if it was for real, but it never seemed to get any more intense than that.
Another provider started bucking her hips at about that point. Again, I don't know if it was for real.
I like to "give" and yes it does give me some degree of pleasure to make sure that even a paid companion "gets hers" but I can't imagine PAYING hundreds of dollars an hour to "give" a massage and DATY.
Some women get off on DATY faster than others, but if you have to spend an entire fucking hour getting her motor running, you are most definitely doing something wrong.
Now if I am not paying "for her time" like I do with SB's where I have as much time as I want without the "meter running" I "might" give an SB a massage, but if I am only spending an hour or two with a lady, she is NOT getting a massage from me.
It's not a lengthy massage, and I'm not spending anything like an hour. Maybe 20-30 minutes total.
After decades of effectively being told "no" to DATY, I really enjoy doing it. Because of physical limitations, I can't really give the woman any pleasure with my cock, and I can't feel anything wearing a condom. I like fucking for a little bit in cowgirl and doggie, but that's just for the visuals.
I've read enough of your posts over the years to know that a good portion of the providers you see are also getting off with you. I get off on my partner getting off, and would like to still do that today.
You will see what I mean. Maybe not by age 65, but with the amount you drink, you will experience at least some of what I and other men have gone through. Happy thought, huh? 
Like you, I do actually enjoy it. I wasn't deprived of it in my younger years, but I really didn't do much of it, nor was I worth a fuck at it until my mid thirties mainly due to having to bring a machete with me to do so back in those days. lol I am still that way, if a woman does NOT want me to eat her pussy all she has to do is grow a full bush and she won't ever have to worry about me putting my face down there.
Eating pussy is "art not science" Every woman is different and you just have to take your cues from the lady. One hint I will give you that I can't ever remember mentioned here is the use of your lower lip, especially when she starts grinding against your face as she gets into it. Your tongue can only apply so much pressure and you don't want to end up in the emergency room next to fish, right? lol Try alternating between using the flat of your tongue and using your lower lip and allow her to basically finish herself off using you as a masturbatory tool so to speak.
Three guiding principle that work for me:
1. It's never about the destination, it's about the journey. This ain't the Super Bowl and the goal is not to get Brady to the end zone. Just try to make her feel good, and then repeat as long as she's enjoying it. If the big O happens, great. But don't try to force it.
2. Go slow, gentle, easy, and follow the curves. Take your time, stay sensitive to her feedback - it can be very hard to see - and make small corrections/changes when she seems to respond. Be vocal and let her know that you are having fun as well.
3. Enjoy yourself, be happy for her joy. It's a very intimate experience, so share the pleasure with her. If you are "working" or not enjoying it, just stop.
I don't think so. First of all I love DATY so I'm doing this for my own pleasure at least to start out. I always kneel by the bed on a pillow as Fish suggests to ease the strain on my neck. I always start softly gently kissing and licking and finally penetrating between the folds, licking into her introitus, licking upwards along her cleft and finally reaching her clit. And that's where I spend most of my time, with occasional visits to the rest of the territory.
Not all women are really into DATY. Can't say why that is. But the ones who like it have been disappointed often enough, that they really appreciate it when an avid practitioner comes along. I've had quite a number of women tell me Wow, you are so good at that! Had a 21 yo SB tell me that just yesterday. And even the ones who love it don't always reach an orgasm that way. Don't be goal oriented. Just try to give her pleasure and see if she responds.
Some are very closed, and some are wide open; then there are clitorises that stick out like a pencil eraser and others that burrow down deep. I would think each condition would respond differently to any given stimulus.
But these facts are exceeded by the psychological factor, to say nothing of pheromones and other chemical stimuli. Put them all together and Jimmy the Greek wouldn't even try to lay odds on what will work.
Nothing left but to roll up the sleeves and do some good old fashion field study.
I'm all about the field study! And I didn't mean to suggest that they were the same physically.
And what I enjoy, and don't like:
Mmmm...Lick and tease my clit, and tongue fuck my pussy. But, please never stick (and especially ram) your fingers in and out of my pussy. It is not a pleasurable feeling for me, and one that will dry my pussy up in an instant.
Check Amazon: She Comes First. Gives you geography and suggested technique.
First of all you have to be with a girl who has suckable breasts without holding it with your hand, sensitive nipples
1. start with couple of minutes of passionate dfk
2. ask for some nice smelling slippery lotion
3. start sucking her breast (right or left depends where you are lying next to her)
4. start giving her a pussy massage, starting gently, increase temp, alternate between her pussy and her clit.
You will see her have multiple orgasms just like that.
It has worked for me, I love it.m