I feel the complete opposite. I am a escort with a boyfriend who I have been with for like 6 years. Because I have seen so many men cheat on their wives for no good reason I always feel like he will eventually cheat on me. I try to hide my jealousy but it most of the times comes out. Hell I am even jealous of the fat girl who works the front desk that he always talks nice about. I confront him about why he is always smiling after talking to her and he says " You know I love only you she is far from good looking." She just is a really nice girl And honestly I know she looks like a cow but I never look at any women as a non threat they all are threat 8-8 ugly or fat. What is wrong with me. How can I learn to love myself.
Okay the big irony is I act all confident even though I am a chubby short wide hipped girl from east bumfuck TX. I walk into a room and when I take my clothes I I truy the absolute best to supress how I am feeling about my pudgy non tone tummy wide ass hips chunky thighs and semi big bum. I just act like I am a the cats meow in a confident non arogant and subtle way. No why cant I do that in my real life. Probally because in my real life I am not fake me I am real me.
This business is great in some ways but really fucking me up in others. I cannot trust. I really need to know that my man will not stray. I mean I give him anything an everything he wants he does complain I want it too much and am very sexually agressive and he wants to be the one to initaite sometimes. but yet if I leave it to him to initaite he will maybe once in like 4-5 days. Lord I will shrivel up and die at that rate. please help me men. Why do you hobby? Also do you really have to be physically tight and tone to be successful in this biz how about half way decent and a little chuncky?
TX home grown girls are pretty common all that red beans and rice.
Dear utrbeauty,
You have really put out some issues in your posting that affect all women, providers or not. The fact that you are in a business where men seek you out because of physical attraction to you may actually be very beneficial to your self-image! I don't know how old you are, but maybe you're only in your early 30s? Relax, honey, it only gets better. And who's to say that your body is not ravishingly hot?!? Remember, men want VARIETY. Please, always remember it. So you are as much needed as some 100-lb. spinner in this world! As to your question directed to the men, "why do you hobby," please remember that one very important aspect of hobbying is truly sexual variety. Many men's sexual patterning seems to thrive on engaging in sexual behavior with a variety of women. Some truly get off on it.
It seems to me that you are in a self-doubting stage of your life. You don't feel secure, you have trust issues. I may be wrong, but I suspect they were there before you became a provider. And now, while you're working, things feel OK and even lets you act out your more exhibitionistic side...while your non-working self still suffers.
As for jealousy, please look a few threads down and check out the discussion. Another provider also felt this way. It's interesting how some expect providers to suppress or never feel jealous of their lovers only because their job involves having sex with other men. Clearly, jealousy is a very human, very normal emotion. I don't know anyone on this planet who hasn't felt a twinge of jealousy...we see it in gorgeous celebs who don't seem to have one single reason for it, as much as we see it in kids who are jealous of their siblings. It's normal, dear. You can reason with yourself as you have described in your posting...sometimes it works, and sometimes it just doesn't. As to your wanting more sex than your boyfriend...did you ever think that this could be related to the jealousy issue? That your having sex with him as much as possible is like weaving a totemistic, protective fence around him? Because if he's having so much sex with you, he surely isn't going to look at another woman... And this may truly result in him being a little withdrawn, since he never gets to play the aggressor?
My advice to you: begin some personal growth sessions with a compassionate therapist in your area. Make sure s/he is sex positive (see attached link for the state of Texas) and begin your inner exploration. I truly believe it will be worth it in the long run.
Good luck to you, my dear,
the Love Goddess
-- Modified on 7/22/2008 8:22:04 PM
One of my hidden motivators to hobby is that it provides a boost to my self image, which has never been very good.
Of course, we are all a bit insecure, but all things being equal, I think men generally believe they are more attractive than they are, while women think they are less attractive than they are. Thank G+d because that is why, in most couples, the woman is more attractive than the man. I try to be charming and can often convince myself that, if you squint, I am really a handsome man, but if I face facts: I have married two beautiful, bright,appealing women and have been blessed with a number of beautiful girl friends (my current is a stunner); while I am fairly ordinary looking. Of course LG has hit the nail on the head. You are surely more appealing than you think and --in my opinion-- jealousy is a deep rooted and irrational emotion which can only be ameliorated, not eliminated.
I look at physical appearances as much less important than attitude, and who the person is.
I would rather "cheat" with a woman who everybody things is not the prettiest, but who has a great outlook on life, and enjoys herself, rather than the "beauty" who thinks that the world revolves around her.
To me a woman who tells me how she is going to mind-fuck me is much more desirable to me than a beauty who does not even want to be there. If she looks at me, and tells me that I am going to thoroughly enjoy my time, her physical appearance pretty much does not matter. I get turned on by women who enjoy themselves, not beauty queens who really have no desire to even be in the room with me.
Maybe I am in the minority among men, but I guess that is the way I am.
There are every shape and size of women in this business. Everything from 85 lb "skin and bones" women to women who top the scales at a number that would result in a talking scale to say something like "One at a time please!" So do not worry about your physical appearance, and enjoy yourself.
As to a man not cheating, I do not think that any person can gaurantee that a man will not cheat. With some men, all that is needed is opportunity.
Although I find it interesting you are worried about your man cheating, yet you are providing services yourself. That is a little weird...
I agree with luv_women 100%. Sheer appearances are way behind personality in their ability to contribute to overall "attractiveness". The women (provider or not) who come across as doing you a favor by letting you be in the presence of their self-professed radiant beauty get passed by. That isn't to say that pretty women are a turn off. Far from it, the condescension and superiority complex are the turn offs. There are many gorgeous women who don't come across that way, to their credit.
The attitude is the important factor. Whether minority or not, I have no idea, but there are certainly enough guys that feel this way to make everyone with a positive attitude feel wanted and sexually desired.
My best experiences have been with women who are not the (classic) prettiest, but who are comfortable in their own skin. They are content with their own beauty and appreciate themselves. They enjoy their body, the body of their partner, and know how to enjoy the pleasures that a man and a woman were meant to share.
I've been with perfect bodied 20 years olds, but interesting enough, my favorite provider has a belly on her that, probably, many men would find unattractive. She has a way of accepting herself and accepting me, that just feels good.
As far as why do I hobby, because my wife has no interest in sex. We've been to marriage counseling, sex therapists, etc, but she just has no interest. The ironic part is I love her. She is perfect in every way, except she has no sex drive. After 20 years I decided that I had to experience a little more. If she was willing to show a little passion and have sex only in the missionary position more than once every few months I wouldn't hobby. But life is to short to not to be able to experience the pleasures that we were meant to enjoy. That's why I hobby.
To me, all woman are beautiful. I love the sight, smell, and feel of a woman's body. Come to San Fransisco, I'd be more than happy to share some affection with a TX girl.
I know how you feel honey but the simple fact is that we ARE desirable. NOT everyone will love your body, but they may be attracted to your attitude, intelligence and spunk.
I am by far a super model. I'm 5'1 with small boobs, a nice juicy ass and wide hips too. I'm just me. I love the way I look. Sure, I could stand to lose 5 or 10 pounds but most women feel that way about themselves.
Men seek us out for
~Physical Release
~Close Human Contact
~Companionship
~Intimacy
~Pure Fun Factor
I may not be everyone's cup of tea in the "looks" department but your attitude and what you do with it go a long long way. When men come to see me they know I'm fun. I'm aggressive and kinky and it does help that I am pretty.
I am one man's 8 but another man's 10. That rating scale is all subjective to who is seeing you.
I can't answer your questions on trust because I have those feelings myself. It IS hard to trust others but you HAVE to give a little trust to feel like you are truly loved. Love yourself first.
Don't run your boyfriend off with the insecurities. Like I always say, he MUST love you because he IS with you. People do not like to be unhappy and if he was I am sure you would know that.
Best Wishes.
~Rae
Rae,
Everything about you is desirable. You will never have a reason to worry.
Monogamy cheats evolution. That is why I hobby.
Toned,tight,decent and a little chuncky are all equally good. Chemistry is best though.