with a woman involved in an open relationship.
Sounds good, but I get a nagging feeling that it is making this sound a bit too easy.
What do all ye think?
A few of my friends have had unconventional marriages. I never heard them admit any problems, but one of those marriages is over, and I haven't seen another couple together in years.
Couple #1 is openly polygamous, but in practical terms, it means that there is an extra guy living at their house and the wife sometimes sleeps with him. They seem happy enough, though the extra guy may be out of the picture as they never mention him anymore on Facebook.
Couple #2 had an open marriage, but the nerdy husband with the third shift job never had any luck meeting women, so his wife was the only one seeing other people. They got divorced two years ago.
Couple #3 moved in together just months after they started dating, and got married after only a couple of years. They used to be one of those inseparable couples, for the first several years. The wife was bi in college and wanted to started seeing women again, and after she got permission for that, she wanted to also see guys on the side. I've run into her at a few social events and she even hit on me once, but I haven't seen her husband at any of these events in recent years.
In my experience, relationships take work after the initial romance wears off, and it seems like adding any additional folks into the mix would make it exponentially harder to work through relationship issues. But maybe I'm just too old-fashioned to handle an unconventional relationship.
...I can't speak from experience but I feel that it's difficult enough to have a relationship with an SO with no extraneous demands (assuming we're both being monogamous). Having to comfort your wife when she breaks up with her boyfriend is a bit much for me to wrap my head around.
Take all of the emotions inherent in having a relationship with any single human and then multiply that by however many people they are both dating/having sex with -- nope, not for me.
Hope it all works for them, though.
I have been perfectly fine with dating hookers who I know are having sex all day long with other guys, but for some reason I don't find the physical act of having sex "cheating" as much as I do having a relationship with a woman who has "feelings" for another man. I could never see myself in anything more serious that a "fuck buddy" with a woman who was "dating" other men.
But, that's just me. If it works for other people, good for them. It just would never work for me.
I'm with you. I could care less if my hypothetical husband/SO fucked hookers, but no way I could handle the messiness of multiple "relationships". Sounds messy and never seems to work, IMHO.
but after we had been dating a while and were pretty solidly a couple she stopped doing dinner and overnight dates with clients and I stopped seeing other hookers. Oh, and she stopped having "flirty conversations" with customers in between sessions. The only exception to this was when she had to tour. She worked for an agency and sometimes she was required to do at least some touring and during these periods I saw other women, as I wasn't about to suffer from blue balls while my GF was fucking six guys a day. lol
What's kind of ironic is that we broke up over HER jealousy during one of her trips when she started blowing my phone up with texts and everytime I took more than a couple of minutes to respond she'd accuse me of being with another woman. After about a week of that crap the damage was done and we were never the same after that.
Ha, not surprised. The ladies I've met in this industry are some of the most jealous and suspicious when it comes to their personal relationships. To each their own. I imagine I'd have a problem with an SO hiring ladies for overnights or extended engagements ( unless I got to join in too, haha). Otherwise? Keep it to hookers and not civilians, don't lie about it, don't do anything stupid like bbfs, and we're good.
It's weird to me. Working in this industry has helped me understand men in a way I didn't before. I have trouble understanding how an escort would be upset with their SO getting some strange occasionally, when they should know better than anyone how important sex is to men, and how little it has to do with "feelings". Oh well.
I would think that the ladies after a certain amount of time and dealing with a certain number of cheating guys, all of whom have managed to justify why they are cheating on the woman they profess to love, it would make sense that they/you would start looking at all guys as cheaters.
Ironically, as long as she was in town and "my needs" were met, which was most definitely NOT an issue for us, except of course when she had to leave town for a couple of weeks at a time, I never even really thought about seeing other women, I was quite content to see her and her alone, but I like sex, I like it a lot and "going without" for weeks at a time is simply not going to happen, especially when I knew exactly what she is doing while she was away. IMO it's simply not a realistic expectation for a provider to ask of her SO. At least not if I am the SO in question. lol
Okay that- the being suspicious- I get. I wouldn't trust any SO if they swore to be monogamous, ESPECIALLY not if I was still in this business. Seems a bit hypocritical. I just don't get how women in this business can fail to understand that for men, sex is a basic human need, not something they can take or leave like many women can.
I guess I'd just feel much more trusting with an SO who was honest about seeing sex workers- instead of eventually picking up some BSC tindr or drunk bar girl when I'm away for days at a time. But yeah- no fucking around on the regular when I'm available, unless I'm invited. My blow jobs are entirely too awesome to let go to waste 😊
This makes total fucking sense.
outside relationship with a provider, its somewhat of an open relationship because of the nature of her work. I deal with it just fine, but I think if it were to rise to the commitment level of Marriage, it would be harder for me to deal with, although I have heard that some do it successfully.
Its great that these two are making it work, but you never know underneath if there is resentment stirring that they are suppressing that will one day explode and one will murder the other in a crime of passion . . . . or lack thereof.
The poly folks that I know personally never admit having relationship problems. Maybe they just don't feel like talking to me about it, or maybe they get tired of people automatically assuming that their relationship problems are the result of their unusual relationships. Or maybe denial is a necessary element in making such a relationship work.
then you know that's a lie. Every relationship has problems - that's not the issue. It's whether the people are willing and able to work on them. This is what makes a relationship strong or, lacking the former. causes it to fail.
I'm impressed at how much good thought and experience are reflected in the responses to this article. Thank you.
And what your overlooking if you think they are sounding like it easy is the amount of work it sounds like they put into making their relationship strong.
It sounds like they are still dating each other. They talk regularly and honestly. They make time for each other regularly. They turn off their damn phones. It sounds like they work at keeping their bond strong and are on the same page. There is nothing easy about doing that. It is the reason most long term relationship fail is it isn't easy to put the effort in to keep a relationship strong.
There was a time my wife and I was monogamous. It was easy to take her for granted. I didn't put the work in and communication on feeling closed down. Bad things happened, and we both done some selfish and stupid things that hurt the other, bad. We almost got divorced. It isn't that monogamous relationships are easy ether. No matter what long term relationships are hard. In my opinion it is worth it, but it is hard.
My wife and I are in a mostly happy semi-open marriage. We have our rules we both follow on who we can fuck and when. Like no non-P4P play outside the marriage. We go on weekly dates. We talk daily. We make time for each other. She leaves me little thank you and "I love you" notes, and I buy her small gifts because it is a day that ends with a "y". We celebrate each others small win as well as the big ones. Things are great between us, but it isn't because our relationship is semi-open but we now work at it and that isn't easy.
Those little things matter a lot in any loving relationship. Good on ya for figuring it out. I sure as shit wish I had before my divorce.
I've been polyamorous (I noticed someone used the term "polygamous" and that's a VERY different thing 
) for the past 4 and half years and I would never go back to being monogamous. I love the freedom, honesty, and communication that comes with being poly.
We get different things from different people and I think it's unrealistic to think we can find everything in one person. However, I know some people are happy in monogamous relationships that's great for them 
There are two stages of relationships -- stage one involves fucking, stage two involves financial entanglements. You can have all of one, all of the other, or some mix of the two. Each has its own areas of caution. However, of the two, the second stage, financial entanglements, has the most emotional risk if non-monogamous.
Good point about the financial entanglements. One of my uncles lived in a commune in the late '70s, where he met his wife. Shortly before the wedding, I visited the commune a couple of times and talked to various people living there. People at the commune shared everything, including spouses. Well, everything except for vehicles.
People shared everything including spouses, but not vehicles? So what was with the not sharing of vehicles?
And for looking appropriate to Society.
It is not for keeping the genitals corralled.
Adultery is one of the more common grounds accepted for divorce.
Some people tend to disregard this portion of the marriage contract, but that doesn't mean that "keeping the genitals corralled" is not part of the vast majority of marriage contracts.
My take on this, if you don't want to stop fucking around. Don't get married. I am sure most of the guys here, especially the married ones, will strongly disagree with me. lol
Marriage should be ABOLISHED.
or,
there could be TERM MARRIAGES
where they would have to be renewed yearly.
If two people choose to spend their lives together, raise children, merge their lives together, who are you (or me) to stand in their way?
You are being just as narrow minded and bigoted as the Bible thumpers who insist on forcing their moral code on the rest of us. Just because I never intend on marrying again doesn't mean I DEMAND everyone else do the same. You know I share many of your views, but you really need to take a chill pill on this topic. lol
Sure.
There is a part of me that knows that Without MARRIAGE,
I would not be enjoying the nice life I have now.
I thank all the wives, every day, for not giving their husbands blowjobs.
-- Modified on 6/8/2017 4:15:18 AM
My life is greatly enhanced by my marriage. If I would find myself single again I would seek out someone to share my life with. I would even be willing to do the whole monogamy thing. My wife and I was monogamous for the first six years of marriage and not once was I seriously tempted to cheat. I could do that again.
If people wanted to Stay-Together-Forever, they could do it without Marriage.
Marriage was formed by Religious fucks who Need to Control the Genitals.
You sound about as close minded as those "Religious fucks" your so are quick to condemn. I will say marriage is not right for everyone. Many people in fact should never get married. It isn't in their makeup. I get this is true for you and there is nothing remotely wrong with that. . But the opposite is also true, for many the single life isn't for them, but like so many you openly condemn them and their choice of lifestyle. Each person is uque in what will bring them happiness long term.
You jump up and down and say marriage is all about controlling the genitals, but have you ever talked to those that are happily married about what marriage is really about? Yes, sex is part of it but it isn't the main attraction. The real draw and positive is about having a life partner, to cheer on the wins in life and to hold when life takes a solid dump on you. It is knowing someone has your back as you have theirs. It takes a crapton of work but the benefits are equally huge for those it is right for. Everyone should know that the Hollywood "Love Story" is pure BS where people get their "happily ever after" just because they got married to "right guy/girl". The "happily ever after" comes from the life long quest to create it with ones spouse. And not everyone is right for that kind of life.
And your right a couple can "Stay-Together-Forever" minus marriage. I fully admit it. But it is much harder. Life happens. Things don't always go as hoped. Everyone has their selfish and lazy side. People fuck up. I did. I doubt someone can do anything more stupid and selfish as I have done. My wife has also made errors. I fully admit there was a time I wanted to just walk away. Hell I even had papers drawn, but reading them made me rethink things. Minus the marriage I would have walked away. I almost fucked up the best thing that ever happened to me. Seven years later I am the most content I have ever been in life and my marriage is a big part of that.
One last thing, control of the genitals doesn't need to be a part of marriage just like a couple doesn't need a marriage to ""Stay-Together-Forever". Open marriages do exist just like the one in the article linked to in the OP. or Just like mine. Both marriages work very differently but both have ways to "free the genitals". There isn't just a choice "A" or choice "B". Life has a rainbow of options, both in and out of marriage.
Life is best when we don't condemn choices that are not for us but are for others. I was never happy single, I am happy married. You, as you say, would likely not be happy married, but you are single I take it. Nothing wrong with ether choice as long as we are both happy with our choices. I don't get why you are so angry and quick to condemn lifestyles that are not right for you but are right for others. Diversity is good as long as everyone respects each other in their choices. As they say, "Different strokes, for different folks." I respect your choice in lifestyle, please respect mine.
-- Modified on 6/8/2017 7:21:41 PM
but yeah, that was pretty well said. lol
Marriage is not for everybody, and it's certainly not for me, but I hold no grudges against people who can make it work. I do reserve the right to ridicule people who are "trapped" in loveless and sexless marriages because they don't have the balls to do anything about it, but it's a truly unhappy person who feels the need to piss on other people's life choices that are actually working for them.
Why yes I am. Thanks, for noticing. And people who refuse to take ownership of their lives earn a bit of ribbing as do those who think their life choices are the only correct one.
Scoed,
Did I say that? No.
Scoed , you are typing on a HOOKER BOARD with
HOOKERS wandering around.
What in the fuck did you expect?
We see Mostly Married men.
_________________________________________
You're being a "Good Boy" now. That's nice.
Get your wife to convince me that my Conclusions about Marriage
are false and that I should really consider getting MARRIED,
instead of being a HOOKER.
And I never said you should consider getting married, quite the opposite in fact. Marriage life is clearly not for all, and going by your words, it isn't right for you. And the fact you recognize this is a great thing. I think it is great your self aware enough to know this about you. Many people lack awareness in who they are and are miserable as a result. Marriage is not for everyone, never remotely said it was.
By the way, it isn't a choice "A" or choice "B" thing between being a hooker or a wife, my wife is both. I don't think she could be happy with just my cock for all her life. He'll I doubt she would be happy with just click. An open marriage is right for her. Only a fool would attempt to convince anyone what is good for them is good for all. My wife is no fool.
As for what I expect, it doesn't matter in the least. In another post on this tread you said something about marriage making a female "good" or "bad". That is utter BS. I admit closed minded fools judge someone based on this, but that is not marriage doing it. It is just closed minded fools being fools.
I live a life well outside of social norms and my wife and I don't hide this. Don't you think we get condemned by these fools? Even here on TER I have gotten tons of grief over my choice of allowing my wife to see others both as a sex worker and as a client. I get this shit from all fucking sides. I know closed minded fools will do what they do. I expect this. It doesn't make it right, but thing are what they are.
No .
I said It should be ABOLISHED,
so that
My Choice In Life will Be LEGAL.
ALL women will be on a level playing field
while using the vagina as they see fit.
You want my choice of to be completely and formally put to an end not just made illegal. That is what "abolish" means. I don't see how that is better, in fact it is worse. Sadly I stand corrected.
And guess what, you will never find a stronger supporter of your right to do what you want with your vagina. I have done a great deal to make it legal. I have in face to face meetings talked to multiple Utah state congress people. I have donated money to various sex workers rights groups. I do not hide what I do. I've done everything possible short of running for office myself to make yours, and my wife's choice legal. Marriage isn't the enemy to your choice, slut shaming fools, who wish to control women's lives are.
For most of history prostitution and marriage where both legal. Hell they still are in about 2/3 of the world. It wasn't tell the feminist groups got together with the Bible thumpers got together in the early 20th century to end drinking and whoring that you choice became a crime in this nation. Closed minded people who can't see beyond their choices to consider that others should have the right to pursue a different path.
-- Modified on 6/9/2017 2:42:37 PM
I have spent YEARS laughing at, ridiculing, and just all around giving Droopy Dog a hard time about EVERYTHING, including his ability to use the written word.
He is wiping the floor with you today though, and the "non hypocrite" in me just has to say it out loud, no matter how much it pains me.
You don't even want people to have the "option" to merge their lives with the person they love, your narrow mindedness reminds of the Puritans, those same people you despise so much who fled religious persecution only to IMMEDIATELY become the persecutors themselves the moment they had the opportunity.
Yes, I understand you wanting to "push back" against the people who have looked down on you and tried to control your life (genitals), but how does advocating to take away "free choice" for others who disagree with your choices make you any better than the people you despise?
Lastly, just where did Scoed, or his hooker wife, or anyone else here for that matter, EVER suggest you should go out and get married yourself?
Marriage is BIG BUSINESS just
like Cancer is BIG BUSINESS.
________________________
The ones making the Profit, through the system that is in place,
Are Not going to tell you the TRUTH about either.
and largely one between two people to commit to one another. All the rest of it is what various societies and their formal institutions have cooped from the basic concept. The idea behind marriage is that commitment to one another and something that tells others to stay away unless invited in.
I'm not even sure that the idea of marriage demands that it be forever -- but clearly there is something different between committing to a relationship and saying I'm in it until its no fun anymore. The later is largely the world of TER.
When I want to I can do quite well at defending my point of view in spite of writing like a third grader? And have you ever noticed for the most part I don't mind being laughed at? I think it is one of my best qualities. You see I am like Droopy Dog the cartoon. He is far too serious at times, and while lacking humor he doesn't mind being laughed at. But make him mad and watch out he tends to win. I really like the nickname Droopy Dog. Thanks for it.
And I'm sure GaG will be happy to confirm. It came to me after we spoke on the phone years ago and your voice reminded me of ol' Droopy. We should talk again. Even though I disagree with you at times, you are one of the good people here. GaGa, asshole that he is, is another. Just don't tell him I said it.
I am more than happy for your Love Story. YaaaY for You!!!!
-I Know that Marriage makes more people Miserable than Happy.
More importantly- from My Perspective- this religious institution turns females into GOOD or BAD,
and that's not Fair.
Finding sex (including P4P) is easy. Finding someone who makes coming home feel good is harder. Way harder. As I find my need for sex waning a bit I find my need for compassion and care growing. It's what keeps me in touch with my ex. Even now I know she would be there if I need help. And I would do the same for her.
For example, my new wife was a provider, so she is totally OK with me seeing providers as long as I offer her my undivided attention for what matters most to her. Since we live 1,500 miles apart, it makes sense that we should develop sexual lives outside of our own.
As for why we got married, we thought it was a fitting way to show our friends and family our commitment to one another.
It was also a great excuse for one big tear-ass party - nothing wrong with that.
The interview explains how she and her man are dealing with the various complications.
As for polyamory, my argument goes something like this: If you have three children, do you only love and cherish one, and tell the others to go get adopted? If you have three dogs, do you only play with and feed one of them? If the answer is no, then why do the same rules not apply to committed, loving relationships between adults?
AWESOME post---your point is spot on!! (We're SUPPOSED to think this way, but because of societal brainwashing and programming we don't. I have hope things are slowly starting to change!!)
I honestly love what I do and don't particularly feel the urge to stop. I have another career which doesn't offer me anywhere near the enjoyment that I get out this job. I've always kind of been very sexually open and it took me years to come to grips with who I am and what I love. For me, I see an open relationship as perfectly rational and justified in that if I'm enjoying having sex with a variety of different men then my boyfriend/husband should be able to do the same.
In all of my relationships it's either been open or polyamorous. The problem with poly relationships is the whole messy issue of developing feelings for another person. My best friend (and ex boyfriend) and I were in a relationship with another girl for almost three years. Things were going great for at least a year and we thought we would be together forever but she had a ton of unresolved emotional issues. At a certain point when things broke down between me and her we would both dump all our problems on my ex which led to him having a lot of stress and anger. In hindsight it was too much. Those kind of relationships can quickly turn into a situation where one person referees the whole thing if it isn't managed properly. I do believe it can work for some but it's really challenging and best if it's not between people who already have a lot of emotional baggage.
Open relationships on the other hand have been great for me. I've only ever had one breakup directly tied to the open relationship. It's just always been easier for me. One thing I will say though is that if you're gonna be in an open relationship you MUST both be extremely loyal people. If you're someone who is easily swayed and your spouse knows this a ton of trust issues will develop. Both parties have to understand that they will always come back to each other and sex is just for fun.
When sex gets all tangled up with the rest of the problems that are a part of life, then it's the sex that always suffers.
who have had an open relationship for the last 26 years and are still together and happy she's lived with another guy on and off, and he likes massage parlour girls, but while many of my other friends are divorced or have had many relationships in that amount of time, these two are still going strong. I honestly wish more people had the guts to be open and honest with each other from the outset of relationships rather than it drifting into lies and break ups.