TER General Board

Stood up by provider. First time in six years!sad_smile
1980STT 40 Reviews 2224 reads
posted

I was hoping to forget this experience, but it still bothers me.  So, apologies to those who don’t care to read on.  But, perhaps it will enlighten providers and clients.

I’ve gone six years without being stood up by a provider.  Was it luck?  Perhaps six years is a good run without issues.  Recently, I emailed a lady in the morning requesting to meet.  My email included all my information.  Her assistant replies and states the lady is coming in and should be available soon.  I stick around the city waiting.  Two hours pass and the assistant tells me the provider is actually in a hotel 30 minutes outside of the city.  Says she can meet me at 2pm.  This was emailed to me at 12:45pm.  My first thought was…how did the assistant NOT know this beforehand?  Here I am waiting in the city because the assistant didn’t know where the provider’s hotel was?

I ask if it was “100% confirmed” the provider was at the hotel and available at 2pm time.  The assistant replies “yes, she’s checking in now…” (emailed at 12:47pm).  I make the 30 minute drive.  During the drive I’m texted the provider’s number.  I arrive at 1:45pm.  I text the provider that I’m outside.  No reply.  It’s 2pm.  No reply.  At 2:05pm the assistant texts me, says the provider is “running 15 minutes”.  I’m thinking “Okay, she may still be getting ready, finishing lunch, or even with another client”.  But, why didn’t she text me directly?  15 minutes pass…30 minutes pass…45 minutes pass.  It’s now 2:45pm.  Not a word.  I leave.

Five minutes later the provider texts me.  Says she was running late due to the taxi from the airport.  Said she didn’t get to the hotel until (after 1:30pm, she just checked in and told me her room number.  This is at 2:50pm.  I told her I already left and that her assistant told me she was “checking in” at 12:47pm.  Clearly a lie (or someone’s lying).  I receive a half hearted apology and a request to meet still.  This is a “high end” provider with 4.5 stars.  Never thought I’d be treated this way.  I was too frustrated to meet.  I collected myself and kindly stated I already left and was a little irritated with the lack of communication and the lies.  Again, I receive a halfhearted apology and that’s it.  No mentioned of compensation (time, consideration discount, etc).

At the end of the day, it would have been easier if everyone was just honest.  If the assistant wasn’t sure of the schedule or the hotel, just say so.  I would have happily scheduled a meeting the following day.  If the provider was running late just text and say so.  Allowing a client to wait 45 minutes after the appointment time with zero updates, to me, is just rude and inconsiderate. A text takes 5-10 seconds.

I lost five hours and 70 minutes of driving (my work was 40 minutes from the hotel).  Perhaps it’s time for me to take another break.  This situation has left a serious sour taste.  Sorry for the long story.  Perhaps after venting I will feel better.

1.  OP told us all he really wanted to do is vent and get t off his chest.  If he accomplished that, it served its purpose.

2.  Silver lining for the OP, yes, six years is a good run.  

3.  Lesson learned for everyone:  trying to do a same day booking on her first day in town, coming in from the airport,  at check in time, greatly increases the chance that there will be a glitch.

Please name the provider so the rest of us can avoid the crap.

Sure, it would have been nice if she had been upfront, but I find it hard to believe this hasn't happened to you before. Using years is not a good indicator of the opportunities you've had for this to happen. Just curious, how many women do you see a year? is this a one in six occurance? one in sixty? or one in six hundred? If it's one in six hundred, then you're batting 99.8%. So quit bitching. One other thing, if you aren't willing to name names, I doubt you'll get much support on this board.

Not looking for support.  Just venting.  This is the only place I can do it considering the content :).

Go out right this minute and buy a lottery ticket. With your luck, one is all you'll need.

It sucks, but you just have to shake it off.  

 
We hear a tale like this about once every two or three months.

because she was eventually able to see you that day, albeit late. But you had already fled the scene.

Being stood up is the lady completely ghosting you on day of visit and not hearing from her again until the next day or longer. Something I've encountered once.

And this is the exact reason why I don't do last minute or same day visit requests. I always schedule at least a week out so our schedules are in sync. I've never had any issues like this happen to me, except of course the one outlier noted above.

with time to spend lollygagging around hotel lobbies.

Posted By: eastside70
Re: Well you wasn't really stood up, just misled into a false meeting time ... because she was eventually able to see you that day, albeit late. But you had already fled the scene.
Fled the scene??? Some of us have other things to do, on a schedule. How long should anyone wait? (The consensus on Newbie is around 30 minutes, not a generous 45 minutes.)
Being stood up is the lady completely ghosting you on day of visit and not hearing from her again until the next day or longer. Something I've encountered once.  
   
And this is the exact reason why I don't do last minute or same day visit requests. I always schedule at least a week out so our schedules are in sync. I've never had any issues like this happen to me, except of course the one outlier noted above.
So you think that scheduling way ahead of time prevents  NCNS? Others feel the exact opposite: that same day scheduling is MORE reliable since she knows where she is "now" and who she is with (or not with) "now."  
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But all is moot if the Provider AND Assistant would just be honest about the schedule and delays that sometimes come up. "You're late for the 2 PM time? I can't wait as I have to get back to another meeting. ... This evening instead? 8 PM? Sure, I can do that! See you then! Text me if there is any change in the schedule SO I CAN GO TO PLAN B."

In all honesty, I don't agree with the whole "give her up to 30 minutes " ....

If it's incall, she should be Available on time.

Outcall, well sometimes traffic happens, but overall she should aim to be early.

Either way, I feel if she doesn't text or call prior to time, I wouldn't wait at all. She knows to let you know she's running late and if she doesn't,  she obviously doesn't care

I do incall mainly and contact within 20 minutes of appointment to get an eta. Yes, we spoke an hour before. I just don't want guys to be early and wait on me for appointment time. If I'm ready, let's go !  

If I don't hear back by appointment time, I will try once more. My experiences over the years is, if you go silent... I'll move on. Keeping in contact is key.

Boy you're reading way too much into my comment. One might want to think a little before blasting off at the mouth.

Posted By: impposter
Re: We are not all do-nothing aristocrats  
with time to spend lollygagging around hotel lobbies.
I surely didn't imply that so I'm not sure how you arrived at that conclusion. My time is just as valuable as hers. And I don't enter the hotel until she provides me with her room number so any lollygagging is done in my car in the parking lot. I always communicate with her the morning of the visit to obtain her exact location so as to plan my travel time.  If I don't know where she is at, I'm not leaving for the visit.
Fled the scene??? Some of us have other things to do, on a schedule. How long should anyone wait? (The consensus on Newbie is around 30 minutes, not a generous 45 minutes.)
Yeah that's what he did. And I didn't imply that either. I know about schedules, my life is one big one. He said she texted him 5 minutes after he left. So how far away could he have been in that time frame where he couldn't have turned around. He had already invested so much time what would another 10 minutes be since he so obviously wanted to see her. I would have been long gone by then and I wouldn't have even been there in the first place if I wasn't provided her exact location prior to me leaving for the visit.
So you think that scheduling way ahead of time prevents  NCNS? Others feel the exact opposite: that same day scheduling is MORE reliable since she knows where she is "now" and who she is with (or not with) "now."
That’s not what I said. Again, reading too much into what I said. And this issue wasn't a NCNS either. It has worked for ME so far which she always appreciates, but I wasn't speaking for others. I was speaking about MY experiences and lack of such issues when scheduled out in advance. That's their opinion which is fine with me. Whatever works for them. I usually see touring ladies so when I contact them the morning of the visit for her location, she's already been in town for a few days so she knows exactly where she is at which eliminates such issues as this one. We just meet and have an excellent time together.
But all is moot if the Provider AND Assistant would just be honest about the schedule and delays that sometimes come up. "You're late for the 2 PM time? I can't wait as I have to get back to another meeting. ... This evening instead? 8 PM? Sure, I can do that! See you then! Text me if there is any change in the schedule SO I CAN GO TO PLAN B."
Out of all of your ramblings, this is the only thing that is on topic which I agree with.

Posted By: eastside70
He said she texted him 5 minutes after he left. So how far away could he have been in that time frame where he couldn't have turned around. He had already invested so much time what would another 10 minutes be since he so obviously wanted to see her.
I and others set aside time in order to be back at other tasks on a schedule. We can't just keep pushing back OUR next appointment. The offer of a late start can be as a good as a cancel when we can't go that far over the time slot we set aside for the date.
But all is moot if the Provider AND Assistant would just be honest about the schedule and delays that sometimes come up. "You're late for the 2 PM time? I can't wait as I have to get back to another meeting. ... This evening instead? 8 PM? Sure, I can do that! See you then! Text me if there is any change in the schedule SO I CAN GO TO PLAN B."
Out of all of your ramblings, this is the only thing that is on topic which I agree with.
Let's hope that the Providers and Assistants also agree!

I agree clients shouldn't have to push back our next appointments due to her or her assistant providing misleading information which makes the agreed to appointment time later than anticipated.

Communication is key which is why I always ask for her exact location the morning of the visit. This gives her at least a few hours "reminder notice" about the visit too.

I'll focus on this part:

it would have been easier if everyone was just honest.  If the assistant wasn’t sure of the schedule or the hotel, just say so.  I would have happily scheduled a meeting the following day.  If the provider was running late just text and say so.
I agree 100%. Don't yank my chain and waste my time with BS. I can often, but not always, pick a different time if she is running late (and far away). Just tell me the options.
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On the other hand, I have dealt with indies directly but also their assistants and I'm not sure who is lying to whom and who is stringing whom along. I will guess that some indies tell their assistants to lie ("Say to him that I'm almost there. :-) ") and some assistants lie of their own volition which ends up hurting the rep of the Provider, not the unreviewed anonymous assistant.  
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Providers AND Assistants: just be honest about the scheduling and it will work out better for everyone.

Thank you. THIS is the point I was hoping people would take from my post.  I don't care about obtaining sympathy or support.  No offense but you are all just strangers.  I don't come here for friendships or relationships.  My situation never should have existed.  All it takes is honesty.  I hope both sides take note and perhaps something like his happens less.

For those who are shocked this is the first time in six years...yes, it's the first time in six years.  Been here since 2012.  For many years I wasn't actively posting, just going through the ad board.  Guess I am lucky, or I just screen my ladies more than the usual person.  

Great post. As a provider I think its easy to forget or neglect the core professional and courteous rules that we all know we should follow...clients as well. Communication is key. We don't want our time wasted or to be lied too , so we should not do that to others.  
Thank you for the reminder.

I do not agree with the incorrect information given, but most hotels have a check in time for 3 pm.  I never book my first appointment before 3:30 or 4:00 pm for check in day.  This gives me (or other providers!!!) time to check in, unpack, freshen up, and get a bite to eat.  

Hotels will often let you check in early if they have a clean room

Correct.  Most check in times are 2pm or 3pm.  However, most hotels (unless they are fully booked due to an event, etc) always have early check in.  I travel 3-4 times a year for work and have always checked in by 12pm.  The last three ladies I met I saw at 1pm and 2pm (and I'm in a busy city).

The difference is they were communicating with me directly.  It's another reason I prefer independents.  I don't use agencies and I'm not fond of assistants.  I prefer speaking directly to the person I'm meeting and I've found over the years independents communicate considerably better.

Pretty sure that most travelers are aware that early check in is possible.  But it would be stupid to book an incall prior to your check in time on the hope that your hotel can accommodate you.

And booking at or near check in time isn’t much better. If there’s a problem with the room, double booking, any number of glitches, you’ve got yourself another problem.

This type of deceptive behavior isn’t unique  
It occurs from both clients and providers and countless other situations. If you really want to experience it at its finest get into politics.

so what happens if you are unavoidably detained moments before your appointed meeting time with the provider (fender bender, traffic ticket any of a million different things) and you are 40 minutes late for a one hour visit. Do you walk in, pay for the hour and then leave politely when she says your time is up?  Seems the only fair thing to do since it was your fault. Her time is obviously very valuable as well

and explain the situation, and be forthcoming.

 
In the few times that this situation has occurred where I was detained by traffic, I called and most of the time, the gal was able to accommodate me with no penalty.   This was with persons who were regulars of mine.

 
I can think of only one case where the person did not do so, and that was their right, but it is also my right to not see that person again.

Exactly, communicate and there's no issues.  Not difficult to comprehend.

I assume you did not read my post.  Your example does not compare whatsoever.  I was give false information and there was no communication for almost 45 minutes.  In your scenario I would have contacted the person right away and advised them of my situation.  I would not have intentionally ignored the person for 45 minutes knowing they were waiting.

Also, I never stated it was a one hour meeting.  It was for several hours.  My frustration does not come from the lateness.  It comes from the lack of communication, something you would have picked up if you read the post.

I have been in the hobby 20 years and have had 4 bad experiences. 2 no shows, 1 ripped me off and the last almost robbed by a duo of hookers.
Your judgement may have been compromised by this wonderful 4.5 ass to begin with, your willingness to be enticed and play along is on you. Reveal the provider, she may think twice before repeating her action.

They would get blacklisted. I guess if you're hoping to try again with her....I can see the reluctance to out her. This whole thing gets sticky....
Reviewers hold back for fear of retaliation from provider/agency.
They embellish reviews to self inflate their ego's....which causes what could have been a below par meeting to come across as a "must see" to unwitting readers of said reviews.  
As clients ( or mongers, johns, whatever) we are held to high standards of cleanliness, manners, and anything else any particular provider feels of importance to her.
So why should we put up with anything less than the same high standards in return? NCNS works both ways. Some of the true professional ladies on here may take offense to what I'm saying, but they probably don't conduct their business with such a poor model anyway. Shit does happen....but communication and honesty go a long way. So what may have been just one of those days where everything goes wrong is now looked at as unprofessional business ethic.

I agree if a client was late 45 minutes for an appointment I could see a provider black listing them.  And it would make sense.  In today's technology world there is no zero excuse not to give an update.  Besides, if you have an appointment you're already in contact with them the morning of, the hour prior, etc.

I did not post this story for revenge or to commence an argument.  This is a secret world.  There is no one I can tell this to besides here.  Thus, why I am a member.  I don't plan on seeing this person in the future.  There are plenty of ladies I've met who I adore, all of which treat me well.

My post had two goals: 1) Be honest and communicate.  With text it takes 5-8 seconds to update someone.  There is no excuse.  It will lead to better relationships for both provider and client. 2) I just needed a place to vent, because this is the ONLY place to vent if you're in this "sport".

Cheers.

ROGM55 reads

Really? There are a billion other girls to play with. Why focus on this one provider? Was she your go to girl? Was she that good? Go find another provider to play with.

Just another way to look at it when it comes to miscommunication that goes beyond assuming that people are not being honest. There is a chance both were well intentioned and on track to honoring the time commitment, but stuff happened that caused further delays.

In my own experience, I worked in sales and I got information that wasn’t necessarily misinformation or a lie, but it was the logistics and procedures that were not applicable. So I was left with egg on my face, so to say, as I couldn’t explain it to the customer, as the customer didn’t want to hear about it. However, since the company I worked for was professional, they offered other perks to compensate and make up for the inconvenience passed down to the customer.

(If the provider was professional, maybe some perk like a future discount, extra time etc could have been offered to you?)

However, in this line of work they do (where it hasn’t been decriminalized) I wouldn’t expect it. In my own experience within 3-years I was stood-up and a year later ripped-off, but I’m thankful I got off to a great start with two wonderful providers. (But then again, a site like this exists is to call out cheaters and unreliables—Totally left up to the individual whether to pass it along to others or not. I’m thinking not everyone is willing to do that?)

So, besides going with well-reviewed and highly rated providers recommended by many on this board, I’ve also gotten advice to always keep in mind the next three things to do when it goes south with a no-show (or in your case), beyond acceptable to being late: Plan-B, Plan-B, Plan-B.

Somehow you've convinced yourself that the time you waited "in the city" was her fault....otherwise the math isn't adding up.

Assistants do not ALWAYS know the exact whereabouts of a provider, unless they are traveling together. As this case appears to me...the blame is on the assistant NOT the provider. I don't know what kind of business you're in, but, if my employee makes a mistake in shipping, I do not offer a free or discounted product.  

So if the provider had of offered you a discount of some sort, Would your time have still been wasted? Or would that tiny gesture have made up for all those strenuous hours you didn't have to be at work?

Had a similar experience once ,since then I am  taking  a more cautious approach by choosing dates more carefully, having a back up, and not allowing a  prolong run around.Most of my dates are outcall to me these days as well.

This girl I had the problem with  actually requested a travel fee by Papal.Had a lame excuse did not show and refuse to refund or  reschedule .Paypal said because it was money sent and not a product or service purchased they cannot refund me. Had I not deleted most of the text conversation P411 would have taken action against her.
I listed her name and TER id  here last year but I don't have the id  on hand at this very moment .Name is Jada ....about  25-26 years old  advertise in  (Alexandria/ Baltimore/Towson  areas ).

And I could not do a TER review because a date did not happen.

I was stood up (as in no communication at all) by a well-reviewed provider in KC several years ago.  At first, like you, I was extremely pissed.  It was only later I learned, thru other sources, that the girl had a fairly tragic life event.  Perhaps not the case here but there could have been any number of other issues (i.e. delay in travel, assistant confused two providers.)  

Sounds like an assistant glitch. I will make note if I ever get one to make sure I get access to contact info when touring so I can keep them up to date on my arrival. In past I tend to communicate morning of and then when I touch down. I'll be in San Francisco for the first time next week and since I'm sure it will take a bit to the hotel I usually do not schedule my first appointment till an hour or 2 after arrival just in case. But I agree with u communication is key. Thanks for venting. Lesson learned on both sides hopefully.

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