I'm going to try to word this carefully as I'm not a fan of flame wars.
There is a review (not mine) that I came across that details sexual assault. The reviewer contacted me and gave me his handle as a screening method. I've contacted TER and they've decided to not remove the review nor ban the user. Their reasoning is that the reviews can be used as a screening method. I respectfully disagree with this decision. I feel that this user has no place in TER and is a danger to the community. I'm also disheartened that sexually assaulting a provider faces no apparent consequences. I'm raising this subject here for 2 reasons-1) to gather opinions on the subject and
2) IF the opinions are towards banning the member, to put pressure on TER to remove him. I'm a provider and I honestly have a love-hate relationship with TER. I get a bad review and I hate it, I get a good review and I love it. I'm human with all my flaws. But TER is (hopefully) not going anywhere and I'm willing to work within their system and support them by trying to make change.
Hobbyist should be blacklisted.
I have not read review but have two thoughts:
1) Sexual assault is Never OK
2) Having review out there is information that other providers should want.
Obviously, I haven't read the review, but if it truly was an open and shut case of assault, aren't you glad you found it?
Assault is never okay and it honestly pisses me off. But this moron was dumb enough to write about it and then give you his handle so you could find it and choose not to see him. I've always assumed providers had some means to "police" the situation. IOW, I'm sure you've done what you can to put this info in the hands of other women. This is just one more red flag on this guy in case some provider misses the others. TER could delete the account and ban him, but they can't ban him from getting a new ISP address or whatever the hell it's called, and they certainly can't ban him from trying to see hookers. If his handle here is all he has for screening, hopefully anyone he gives it to will read his reviews as you did, or at least contact the women he reviewed.
I know that flies in the face of the idea that having accounts of assaults here will normalize it and encourage more. That really sucks. I sort of figure if you've got it in you to be a rapist, you'll eventually do it whether you read a review about it or not. At least this way, maybe someone else will be warned the way you were. Hopefully?
I totally understand why you're upset. Everyone should be. You may be right, and I wrong. I guess I'm just seeing it as information is power. Honestly, maybe he should be banned. Maybe leaving the review up does more to enable him than it does to warn others. My thinking is that whatever BL site you use, whatever screening methods you use, not every woman does the same. So the more places this info can be found, the better. Right? I will concede providers know more about screening than I do (LoL) so I'd be interested in what more of them have to say. Does the ends justify the means?
Ideally, TER would hire me and a few others to roam around finding these guys and cut their balls off. Until that happens, we all do our best with the info we have.
FWIW, every woman I've talked to about it has a love hate relationship with TER. Some would go as far as saying it's a huge PITA, but a necessary evil.
Stay safe.
I also have a love hate relationship - I do not understand many of the rules, however am really clear on ONE TER RULE!!!!
1-TER has the right to decide what happens on their site, if somebody does not like it they simply do not have to use it,
2-much like hobbyist that do not like provides screening- then he should not contact her or bitch about what she has determined what is OK for her,
3-much like a provider clearly stating how they handle references, if the provider seeking a reference does not like the needed providers reference policy- just do not contact her...
We all have choices and this choice to keep it posted is TER's period.
I am very curious if the assaulted provider knows the review is up? Has she been contacted? I know when I first started providing I was amazed how many providers did not know anything about their reviews because their boyfriend/pimp/ assistant ran their emails etc so many ladies truly have NO clue. The provider should be made aware, and then if anybody IMHO has an implied "right" to ask it be removed - it would only be her.
FOR ME, I am very happy when I read something disgusting a man wrote in a review so I do not subject myself to the same. Obviously, just because a guy has not wrote a degrading review does not mean he will not be a scumbag, but it saves me the hassle of finding out on my own...
On a human level, I get your disgust that this POS has a place to boast about his assault but I gave up thinking I could make everybody have any common sense, never mind decency...
Far too many generalizations and assumptions here to have an opinion. Cut and paste the review. Provide some more specifics or facts.
Being raped is traumatic to say the least. I hope she got help overcoming the issues rape can and does cause. I feel no pity for rapists. Sadly rape is rarely reported and thus rarely punished. As I have no idea of those involved, nor have I read the review, I can't commit on the case at hand but I will state why it should stay up if it is a rape review. I do feel for the girl and wish her well.
1st and foremost it will warn other girls that read his reviews. It helped you steer clear of the loser. Also women reading it may start screening that aren't. Screening is vital and guys willing to advertize they are utter scum make it easy. It warned you after all.
2nd if it happens in the future to another woman and she reports his ass, his reviews would be admissible in court to establish a pattern of behavior if the police obtain his handle and can prove he wrote it. It could help get his ass in prison where he belongs. TER reviews have been used as evidence in the past, so maybe it can do some good in getting a rapist off the street.
So as much as I hate to agree with TER on this it is best left up. And he will likely get smart and quit using his handle to screen if they banned him. I hope he gets his, but until then it is best if everyone is warned guys like him exist and must be avoided at all costs.
If she's new or not well reviewed, maybe she doesn't even know it was posted.
Maybe he embellished the "fantasy" or the review is completely fake.
Given that he used his handle for screening, he must not have thought there was anything controversial about his reviews.
Regarding TER policy, the review should stay as a screening tool for providers (unless it is completely fake). The only downside is it COULD encourage other potential clients who have assault fantasies.
I'm not sure who you're tying to protect by not sharing a link.
your post is merely hypothetical and therefore worthless. You expect people to comment based on your perspective only rather than read it for themselves. Since the review is staying up, its okay to link it to your post, so why not do it? It seems like you're trying to shape opinion here to what you want to see rather than let us make up our own minds.
-- Modified on 5/10/2017 12:07:13 PM
Naturally Droopy Dog believes the claim, sight unseen because he is hard wired to believe the victim. I am sure if someone like OTM were to post he would jump to the opposite conclusion because of his built in bias, also sight unseen.
Now the more objective posters like yourself have taken a "lets wait and see" type attitude which I agree with. Without anything more to go on than the OP, how the fuck are we supposed to have any more of an opinion than what you just opined?
Some providers consider it sexual assault if the envelope is short $20.
and have argued with a straight face that it should be punished as such.
I have also seen some of the BSUs like Droopy Dog twist themselves into pretzels trying to agree with such "logic" lol
-- Modified on 5/10/2017 12:38:09 PM
Sounds like they're in the wrong industry if money can somehow make something not rape. The implication there is horrendous...
I agreed it was wrong and was worthy of outing as a fucking thief. Theft of service is wrong and worthy of prosecution. It is worse when the service is intimate like this. I even called it near rape yet never rape. If your going to go at me at least get your facts straight.
In 2015, a man in the Australian Capital Territory was convicted of rape because his envelope was stuffed with cut-up paper rather than the $850 for the session. The court ruled that the fraud negated the consent.
Minus any facts I spoke only to a hypothetical situation that I know has and does happen not to said reviewed rape of which I haven't read nor have a clue who is involved. I haven't taken sides on this thread as no evidence has been presented. I strictly spoke to the hypothetical given no facts are to be had.
I do believe such reviews do exist. I not only have seen them I started a thread about one, and even more was pointed out. I took it to far trying to warn ladies and was moderated. You ripped me a new one by PM if I remember correctly.
I feel a great deal of sympathy to any who was raped. Even if this particular case is nothing more than something about nothing, there are ladies on this site this has happen to review or no. I am also sure there are guys out there who have been called out for rape that are innocent of such evil. I feel for both.
Naturally Droopy Dog believes the claim, sight unseen because he is hard wired to believe the victim. I am sure if someone like OTM were to post he would jump to the opposite conclusion because of his built in bias, also sight unseen.
Now the more objective posters like yourself have taken a "lets wait and see" type attitude which I agree with. Without anything more to go on than the OP, how the fuck are we supposed to have any more of an opinion than what you just opined?
If it was a real rape why would a guy confess to it? Sure, TER gives anonymity to posters but if it was real and his handle is associated with him it could be used as collaborating evidence i he is charged. Without hearing from both parties everything is hypothetical.
for other providers. Any provider who screens using TER handles and reviews should be warned about NOT seeing this hobbyist.
Why should they ban him and remove the review. It IS a screening tool. You just used it to screen him out from seeing you. Isn't that a good thing? This guy should be talked about on the PO board, and he should be blacklisted, but I don't think TER should remove the review.
On the other hand, I did not read the review. Could this have been a role play scenario?
You did your research diligently, and avoided being alone in your room with said scumbag. There may be no consequences for the bastard...yet...but smart providers like you can weed him out because the evidence is out there for all to see.
I am in this weird space where I want the guy banned, yet if he was banned and I didn't have access to his reviews then I wouldn't have known how much of an asshole he was. I just hate hearing about behavior like this being left unchecked.
So yay for living in a space of cognitive dissonance :/
Thank you to everyone who took time to respond, it helped me clarify my thinking on the matter.
We all have different definitions of "sexual assault" and most of the women and a few of the BSU's agreed sight unseen that what the guy did rose to the level of "sexual assault" but some of us with our nut sacks intact would like a lot more than your word for it that the guy really committed an act worthy of the ban hammer.
Admin seems to disagree the guy should be banned, so why are you afraid to show us just who and what you are talking about so we can make up our own minds?
I agree with Gag, as usual. There's no reason not to link to said review, doing so only protects the reviewer.
Does she not deserve to have her identity protected more than the reviewer?
She only should share this information with other ladies.
Not even the perp. Just his review handle so girls can steer clear of him. As to "the lady in question," how is her identity compromised by someone knowing her stage name?
I'm not sure how linking to the review or not protects the provider in any way. The review is under their stage name, which if she's practicing proper opsec, shouldn't connect to her real identity in any way. So really she's already well protected.
Linking the review also will corroborate what OP is talking about, because at this point we're just taking her word for it. That's awfully presumptuous in my book, and an easy fix at that. Also, you're underestimating the power of mob justice here. If we all raise a stink about it there's more potential for the admins to listen.
In fact, you seem awfully pro-rapist privacy here, for all we know, it was a review that you wrote!
But that is between TER and the lady. The review is up and it's info is out. Linking to it does not change things one way or the other. I would post the link but I haven't seen it.
Taking you at your word, you now have an unwritten obligation to at least let other ladies know the details. They have a right to know if they may be walking into an unknown situation that can end really bad for them.
I've let ladies know in the provider board, as well as circulated the info to my MN ladies through other groups.
My intention was to raise the subject of a review that had assault in it and get ideas and opinions, all of which I greatly appreciate. The review I read is not the first nor the last to detail assault.
If the review were of me, I'd feel I had the right to link to it, but it's not of me AND I have no intention of starting a thread of what "counts" as sexual assault. The law is clear that if consent is absent or if a person says "no" and the act still happens, it's rape/sexual assault (depending on the sex act). If someone else wants to start that thread, feel free however I will not participate.
Thank you again to those that weighed in. Any providers that have questions about it can PM me (as they've been doing, and I've been sharing).
If the review is active, it is the property of TER, not the reviewer, and not the provider, and can be linked by any member to a board post. I repeat that it makes it look like you're trying to influence everyone's take on this without providing the facts, which is a bullshit move. The fact that you're still trying to sell your position while keeping us in the dark about what the review actually says proves it. If you want to have any credibility in the future, you need to like the review to this thread.
Why not cut and paste the contents of the review so that we can see that? Then it wouldn't be associated with the lady. Unless, of course, it could somehow be traced back. Maybe, but not to my knowledge.
Probably against TER rules, given you need vip to read it.
I however did read it, and I think Abbi is making mountains out of molehills here. I think the reason that she didn't post it was because she didn't think we'd agree with her. Sexual assault is a strong word for what happened. That doesn't mean that what happened was ok.
Full disclosure of course, I would never behave in such a manner, and upon reading the review it was very obvious that said guy was a douchebag.
is when the client uses force to get sexual act the provider has stated is not on the menu. Any guy that does this is a sick bastard that should be beaten into an ER visit.
Sorry, a GF used to work as a rape counselor in college and the subject gets my blood boiling.
Pretty well everyone and TER. Their logic is for a good reason!
The only thing I think is shitty, is the said provider would have that out there of what happened to her. That is not something I'd want to read about myself.
It is her responsibility to ask to have it taken down as she is the one who is directly in that situation.
What sort of a creep puts a review up of the such anyways? That is even worse than doing it because now he is gloating and finds it acceptable. Not only that, but he is still giving out his handle for screening? He must be one dumb focker.
....is where?? ?
Have you contacted that provider? What's her take??
Thanks.
The hobbyist should be banned and blacklisted. Out of compassion for those who were harmed we want to sheild them from any further damage by removing the review but we can't remove the review just because it's a bad and horrible thing that happened to them. I personally don't rely on anyone's previously posted TER reviews to screen, but a lot of us use that info to judge a potential date's character. The review needs to stay up.