Only you can tell. I've done it and don't regret it. Lots of ups and down in my case. I think money will always be an important issue. So will jealousy, but everyone is different. Good luck.
I've been seeing a lady I met as an escort about six months ago. She seems sincere about leaving the business and being with me. Am I being stupid?
Only you can tell. I've done it and don't regret it. Lots of ups and down in my case. I think money will always be an important issue. So will jealousy, but everyone is different. Good luck.
Both scenarios present their own rewards and challenges. Not knowing the dynamics of your separate personalities and their compatibilities all I can say is
Love = good
Jealousy = bad
Understanding = essential
She made me wish life was different. She was what I sought. My fantasy? that I were rich enough to help her - and actually win her heart. But after having my head held under ice cold water for several minutes... I came to my senses - and realized that I did not have the abilities to hold onto this rare and beautiful creature. I wish her well in whatever and where ever she may be.
You need to be sure that you have abilities to capture that which she is seeking as well as that which you seek. A long time ago - I had two friends - one black lady and a white dude.... they married.... once I asked them was it hard being in a mixed marriage -
She answered me - "yes, he does not have a Ph.D. and sometimes that makes it hard for him to understand me" I did not understand that until I married - and our educations were different as were our aspirations in life.... guess what - it doomed the marriage - so.... go back and consider what you seek - and what she seeks.... the answer is there... not here.
But it is a long distance relationship and absence does make the heart grow fonder. I find the fact that she is a provider to make her more interesting, but there is more to it than that. We connected right away on our first date. What the future will bring? Stay tuned to this channel.
Tread carefully. Been there done that. Would I do it again...maybe, but with caution?
Billy
Sex is not love. Providers provide sex. That's what makes the unique relationship between provider and client work.
Love is not sex, but, in almost every case, it requires monogomous sex. That is what makes loving relationships work.
My opinion: you can't date a provider without causing great distress to the provider or to yourself.
the statement that monogamy makes loving relationships work.
Monogamy is not the answer.
Care, concern, knowledge and respect are the four attributes of loving.
It may be hard to apply these to a person if you are sexually involved with another, but monogamy used as self-denial, will also doom a loving relationship.
Otherwise, I agree with your post.
. . . require monogomous sex -- or monogamy (sex is not required), it does require honesty and commitment. If the the expectation in the marriage includes monogamy, then it is required.
I believe I can date a provider without causing significant distress (there's always some distress in a relationship). Although she would be special above all other women, there is no commitment of monogamy and I'm not the jealous type.
-- Modified on 2/5/2006 9:27:28 AM
I just ended a relationship with a provider after dating her for a year. She also "liked me" and was sincere about leaving the business. 12 months later, despite her claims that she stopped providing and her "affection" for me it was clear that she was lying about leaving the business and that I was being "strung" along. I still believe that it is possible to date and have a serious relationship with a provider, but you need to keep your eyes open and see how honest this person is and are her actions consistent with her "feelings" for you. Is this a long distance or local relationship? You will need to see if the issues that led her to start providing may keep her from leaving the business and having a healthy relationship with you. Also if she leaves the business, how will she support herself financially? If you are going to support her, be very careful. In my situation, the provider did sincerely like me, but she had intimacy issues and problems with being honest. As much as it hurt to leave her, it became clear that she was destroying herself and potentially taking me down with her. Don't think with the small brain. Since this provider is obviously beautiful in your eyes and the sex is probably great, it will be hard to make objective, rationale decisions about the relationship. If you want more details about what happened in my experience, PM me. I wish you the best of luck.
but your question is probably whether it's stupider than dating any other woman...
.. I believe you are indeed being VERY stupid indeed by setting yourself up for the serious potential of having your heart broken!
Sure, providers are people with feelings also, (more than one provider has shared with me that the loneliness can be overwhelming), I'm willing to bet that for the long-term, the majority of successful providers would have a very tough time settling down with just one guy and losing the independence and amazing income potential!
Regardless off all of the above, you have my heartfelt best wishes for success in your relationship.
kisses
Suzanne in San Diego
to fall in love. Ain't it so?
They'll always be two sides to this issue. I'm real big on its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I really think it makes you a better person to utilize your heart fully. Loving an escort is the most challenging love that I've had. It makes it that much easier to love every one else....
....it CAN work, at times many escorts can be even better lovers (all around, not just in bed) that civvies, and I find it great to already have that open honesty about my current occupation and my past. But then again, I didnt quit-- I didnt want him to have to take care of me. And while he didnt mind so much my still working, I didnt think it would work-- partly because of that reason, and because of distance. But you have to keep in mind he may change her mind, and that can cause problems later on...
But see youre thinking baout her quitting, and even though I dont know you, I do know if you are just the average guy with a good job-- you may have troublw supporting someone who Im sure by now has gotten used to spending money as she likes... that something to think about-- whether you truly want, and can support her not working; and also whether or not you cant stand the thought of her continuing to work if you do get together...
Dani-Banani
Most women are hoes anyway. Don't discriminate, participate.
If you fell in love with her as a provider why would you want her to leave the job, she obviously wanted to be in, to be with you? Why can't she have you and her job?
Personally, as a provider, I could never date one of my clients, it just seems too much like dating a co-worker, and that never works out! Also, I believe that if a woman chooses to leave the profession it must be for herself on her terms, if not she will grow to resent you for it, especially if you can't provide the lifestyle (financially as well as socially) that she has become accustomed to.
If you must persue this regardless of all the advice you have gotten, I wish you the best of luck. Should it happen to work out for the two of you, please do share your success story. Kisses!