I've been in this hobby for three years now, and I've had the privilege of connecting with some of the most remarkable, charming, captivating, sexy ladies I've ever known. And I've had some situations where it was really clear she'd rather not be in the room with me.
Now, we're in a moment with much greater awareness of gender power dynamics, sexual harassment, and personal agency. I've done a lot of learning, and it's all been good for me. But it's made me take a deep look at this hidden part of my life, and is making me wonder just how much I'm part of the problem. I'd like to hear from providers. How do you see us clients? How can I be sure I'm engaging with someone who's willing and gladly providing me the service of connection and companionship and physicality and eros, as opposed to someone who may feel pressured into doing something she'd rather not be doing? How can I be sure I'm not doing any harm, without giving up sex completely - which is what would happen if I left the hobby behind? Please let me have it. I want to know what you think.3 years 4 posts and no reviews and maybe a 411 member, really don't know who is asking but....I do have one question" why in the hell would you stay in the room and presumably complete a session with some one who to use your words obviously did not want to be there?" and now you want to discuss how you should explore your newfound social conscience....am I missing something here.
#MeTooIamFeelingLeftOut
In this part of my life, I've been in this 3 years . I was in it also a few decades ago. The only time I got the idea that the young lady didn't want to be in the room with me, was at the beginning and I was 54 and she was 21 or 22. It was my fault. It wasn't right. I got up, made sure that I had left the correct donation and got dressed. I thanked her for her time and told her that it was my fault. Which it was.
That has never happened again, because I learned who I would have successful trysts with and how to behave, so all parties would have the best time possible.
To the OP, perhaps you have a broken picker. If you have a broken picker in the rest of your life, it's possible to have a broken picker in this part of it too.
Or it could be that you desperately need to manscape, brush your teeth and use strong deodorant. Or, are you just an obnoxious dick?
Could be any of those issues.
Maybe, the ladies I see are far better actors than yours. Or maybe, I'm not a dick, manscape ,wash my arse and use deodorant.
Have fun.
Oh Mick, you are making me blush.....but sometimes things just really piss me off. With a cock in my mouth I am very submissive warm and accommodating but outside of that I am a little blunt and outspoken, especially with pompous asses...
Suzee
Ohhhhhhh, stop it now you're making me all warm and gooey
A pompous ass? Some of the others were busy, so they sent me.
Are you answering to the pompous or the ass?
Perhaps a greek fetish this week?
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Avoid $200 hookers. Once you get beyond a certain bracket, you can be pretty certain no one's being exploited.
Yes, I would say price but also age. I am sure there are some really awesome girls out there in their early 20s with a good head on their shoulders, but I do not think I would have done well in this business at that age. I am in my mid 30s now, know what I like in the bedroom, enjoy exploring my sexuality, and really love my job and the people that I meet in this hobby.
Anyone who has met me also knows that I treat this as a business. I keep track of all my income and expenses, have an IRA, insurance, HSA, and own my house and my car.
If the girl you are going to see seems very unorganized, does not have a car/ride, is living out of a very low end hotel, is willing to do 15 or 30 minute sessions for next to nothing, or your gut just has a bad feeling, those are all giant red flags. Walk away. Use the big head. 
The providers on this forum are the ones that want to engage in sex for money, they're in control of what they're doing, these aren't the ones being pimped out by vicious boyfriends or so drugged out that they charge 20 bucks for BBFS. They want to play, so just play with them and shut up about how all these poor little starving girls have no choice but to suck cock to pay their pimps for a dimebag of heroin.
That's part of why I use TER, aside from making sure I don't get murdered or arrested trying to fuck a girl, it's to find the ones that clearly like what they're doing. The best providers spend time putting together a website of their own with nice pictures and a bunch of rules we won't read anyway, and if their reviews are many and glowing, it's a clear sign that they love what they do and want to keep coming back for more.
"The best providers spend time putting together a website of their own with nice pictures and a bunch of rules we won't read anyway....". LOL.
The truth finally comes out!! (And you made me spit out my coffee laughing!!)
Now.... go to my website..... .
Nice website. If I'm ever in Wisconsin, I'll be sure to look you up. ; )
Just don't expect me to know your rules lol.
411 member, +11 OKs, do all my business there and generally am not active in boards. I don’t review, and prefer to keep it private. I suppose, in the instances where I felt she wasn’t into the whole activity, I should have chalked it up to a loss and left.
I can understand how my lack of participation in the boards can affect my credibility here.
As for your OP, if you're picking your providers on P411 and they have a decent website, several TER reviews, book nicer hotels, have been consistent (same name, phone number, etc...) over time, it's likely she's not providing against her will. In that case, if she doesn't want to be there, chalk it up to chemistry or just a bad day.
Stay away from backpage and similar sites especially where the provider has multiple ads per day. Stay away from motels. Stay away from anyone who books last minute and/or no screening. Stay away if her ad is overtly promoting how young and new she is.
Had an appointment at a KMP. Of course, when I got there, the person I planned to meet, "She busy now." Mamasan told me to wait in the room, "New girl. Brand new girl." So I'm sitting on the bed (dressed) and she brings in a very pretty new girl, still in civvies. She sees an older gentlemen (me) and starts tearing up. Mamasan has her sit next to me, still teary eyed. I try to communicate in my best sign language and Kenglish. "No, no. Don't worry. You, me, no. Don't worry. Not happening." and I tell Mamasan that I'm not going to stay and that she should not force the girl to stay with me or anyone.
.
Maybe if my regulars at that place who know I'm a nice guy had a chance to tell the new girl about me ("Don't worry. Ahjussi is like overcooked ramen noodle. Nice guy.") it might have been different. But I left.
When I was working as the bouncer for a brothel. The girl just started balling. I grabbed her, took her to the back room and asked her what's going on. She said her boyfriend sent her to work. I told the owners, they did the right thing, wouldn't let her work. They even helped her move out from the guy.
She was much happier working at the supermarket.
Though at this point I only know impposter and micktoz from some of the posts I’ve read, my respect for the indivduals behind those handles just went up a hundred fold.
If more people would just act like decent human beings, we’d live in a much better world.
Edited for grammar 🧐
-- Modified on 1/18/2018 12:57:07 AM
for an hour at a time, they love me back. 
I do not want to see them (or any other Provider) harmed in any way.
.
I, and many other K-girl fan boys, treasure them and appreciate their service. I love the K-girls.
what’s a “K-girl” anyway? Korean Girl? Korean Massage Girl?
I looked around on the K-girl board, but they didn’t really say. Wasn’t in the Newbie lexicon either.
A k-girl is typically a Korean escort. South Koreans have visa waiver status with the US so the girls can come here and go home freely. But k-girl is also a sort of a session standard that others follow, typically other Asians.
...any providers would come forward with their true feelings on this subject, I'm sure the providers desire to be doing what they do with us covers the entire spectrum from joy to regret, providers are just human beings hopefully over 18 years of age & we must trust that they can make up their own mind. Certainly with all the current public awareness with men's abuse taking unfair advantage of women it is a time when many men will be examining if they play a part in this injustice, & the only answer I have is to put yourself in their place & treat them with fairness & respect.
If it upsets you to not know, then don't do it.
Remember also that there is no bright line between wanting to escort and only doing it because one is coerced.
We all make choices in life and more often than not, we end up doing things we don't like for reasons that are as varied as there are people. Don't judge.
I've seen some of the members of this community scoff at "exorbitant" rates, but in my experience, there is a difference in overall quality.
Yes, sexual skills may be comparable for low/ high-end ladies, but taking a broader view of the overall experience of a rendezvous (e.g., ambience of the setting, provider's demeanor), I'm definitely left with a much better feeling after an encounter with a high-end lady.
Price is also a screening mechanism, and says a lot about the caliber of clientele she's exposed to, and how a provider perceives her own value.
Of course there are "market pressures" that will dictate how some provider's price their services, but I guess I also prefer women who are not solely reliant on this work as their primary source of income.
While it isn't always a guarantee, nor is it possible for each and every client, opting to pay more to see an independent provider is a good step in the right direction when trying to avoid encounters with women (or men) who are being exploited.
As an independent provider, I make an effort to be easily searchable, linking my website, instagram, twitter, and IDs from various platforms in my advertisements. I want prospective clients to see that I am a real person actively participating in this lifestyle, and that I love doing what I'm doing! A provider with a large web presence can be a good indicator that she is indeed acting with agency as opposed to working for someone else.
I also recommend taking the time to screen your provider just as she screens you! Vocalize your wants/needs before meeting with her via phone or email so she knows exactly what you want - this gives her the opportunity to set her boundaries with certain activities. Is she setting boundaries? Does she have a screening protocol to make sure you're safe to meet with? A provider who's proactive about setting boundaries and wants to screen you for safety would indicate to me that she's working independently, that she's taking care of herself, she knows what she likes/dislikes, what she wants, and what she is doing. A great way to make sure that you aren't actively harming a provider is by respecting those boundaries she's laid out for you! As a client, you can be in a position of power with regards to money, which can be used as leverage to persuade someone to do something they don't necessarily want to do. This is obviously unethical, and can be avoided with good communication, and respecting boundaries!
On the other end, when a prospective client follows the directions I've carefully laid out on my website, completes my contact form, gives me references/other screening info in a timely manner, it's a really good indicator for me as to whether or not I will get along with them! Doing tricks for me will always be rewarded with treats ;P
Thank YOU. That’s great advice.
On the other end, when a prospective client follows the directions I've carefully laid out on my website, completes my contact form, gives me references/other screening info in a timely manner, it's a really good indicator for me as to whether or not I will get along with them! Doing tricks for me will always be rewarded with treats ;P
...having been in p4p since 1992 (off & on).
All the advice here is pretty much spot on -- see only well-reviewed providers that match with what you are seeking (learned from their reviews, website, postings, etc.). While everyone can have an off-day at work, most of the professionals that you can find here and other widely accepted sites such as P411 are just that -- working pros.
Should all the indicators point to a possible match but you're still feeling a bit off-center about booking some playtime with her, perhaps book a social-time meet & greet with her. Pay her social rate (inquire with her if she has time to meet and what her rate would be to meet for coffee) and sit down with her, face-to-face. Get a conversation going and keep it pretty much PG-13 until you have a good rapport with her. If no rapport, thank her for her time, part ways and no harm, no foul. Worst case scenario, you've spent $50 to find out for sure if she's right for you (and vice-versa).
good luck!
could cover half the workers in America. I have a desk job but mostly I'd rather be somewhere else. I mostly couldn't stand to watch Mike Rowe's "Dirty Jobs." How anyone could do some of those jobs is beyond me.
I've never so far encountered anyone I suspected was there under fear of physical harm. I've certainly encountered several who didn't know where their next rent payment was coming from. But the question there is simple -- would they be better off without my business? I let them decide that question.
Having several encounters now in the "sugar bowl" with amateurs, usually younger and usually under-employed, it's apparent they are, once comfortable with you, thankful for the "easy" money. Although it can take quite a dance to get them to meet for the first time, invariably they start pestering for the next date.
I love this question and the thoughtfulness behind it.
One of the first conditions of consent providers put on the table is pay for play. You pay, we play. That entire aspect has a lot to do with consent too.
Beyond that, I've learned a lot about consent from being a BDSM practioner and a lot of those things are relevant outside a "dungeon". Hard boundaries (acts a person really doesn't want to do) vs soft boundaries (acts a person is open to but may have some hesitancy about even if they've done it in the past). We ALL have those boundaries.
Perhaps what alarms me the most is hobbyists here talking about how you should read the reviews to "get your money's worth". Sometimes a provider may not want to indulge in some acts with you that she's indulged with others. It may be a soft boundary. May be she found that she didn't particularly enjoy that aspect of play after all. There's many reasons. Don't push someone.
Beyond that, it's always useful to "read the room". Consent goes beyond the bedroom and it's always useful to have the soft skill to be able to read someone's body language. When they've gone quiet, when their body language is no longer enthusiastically responding to you, you know you've pushed the limit too far.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. I’ve been intrigued to read the responses from providers with a BDSM perspective—clearly, that’s a corner of the game in which communication, both verbal and nonverbal, is paramount.
Because it's going to be used against us by activists...whether we are the stereotypical "happy hooker" or not. Being paid puts us smack dab in the middle of the concept that power dynamics could be considered coercion.
In today's PC society EVERYBODY is a fucking victim, apparently even independent small business owners like all the wonderful hookers on that post here.
Of course with no sheep there would be no reason for shepherds, and no one in power want's to admit they are trying to fix people who aren't broken thus putting themselves out of a job.
Yep, like the 80 plus johns who were busted in a MP sting operation in Phoenix lately. It was promoted as a "Trafficking Sting". Except there was zero trafficking happening and all that occurred was that 80 johns were arrested and the law enforcement gained funding from the Feds and Christian benefactors. It was an employment scam that did nothing for the real problem of sex slave trafficking.
No disgusting morals in that morality.
What I like most in this thread is to see so many people actually thinking about what they are doing. There is much great advice here to help us minimize taking advantage of a forced girl. Liking your job is something most of use wrestle with. Do you like your job.
Now I'm known for running a tight ship.
I don't take shit from potential clients, I don't negotiate or haggle, I may ask for a deposit from a newbie or someone with a blacklist for being a time-waster.... but all this means that the folks who meet me in person are gemstones that I buffed myself.
So whenever I meet someone, I can be certain that that person is the kind of person I want to spend time with.
I'm not sure how *you* can tell if you are engaging with someone who enthusiastically consents beyond trusting your gut. Does your provider seem happy and excited about his/her life? Do you think the rates match the service? Are your providers on-time, cheerful and happy to spend the full amount of the date with you? Those would be some clues...
Often there are clues if someone takes the time to notice.
Steph XO
Right. Pay close attention to notice the clues...
That way you can be sure that you are the one being exploited but...
There’s truth in that.
$1,000 for the not exploited ones? Maybe $100 for the exploited ones isn't such a bad idea after all.
Well let's begin with the fact that many providers are, drumroll.... Gay! Lesbians. They don't want to be touched by any of you ship its nothing personal. They found an easy way to make money and went for it.
Second, as humans, naturally service Will be better for the client who strikes our fancy vs the one who doesn't. Juices flow more naturally, senses are more awakened. Basic animal attraction.
Third, many men make requests some women could never fathom, and instead of accepting the no, you attempt to "convince her" why it's ok. This Can make any situation turn u uncomfortable which on turn Can cause awkward our discomfort sex. I've had sooooo many attempts to coax me into backdoor our bare. (No infinity)
Fourth, your discomfort can cause our discomfort. Some men barely make a peep or sometimes appear slightly awkward in body language. Jumpy, scared, to nervous. Seeing someone new is a unique experience for both. It's cool relax.
Listen to woman. Yes it's you're experience but it's our pu$$. It can be hurt. And long fingernails inside are a no.
I personally have learned adapt over the years assure that i give best service and experience to all personalities. The shier the better (love to see them blush). I like help ppl become comfortable. I a.m. open suggestion make clear I wont be pushed to anything prefer not to do.
Hope this helps.
-- Modified on 1/21/2018 2:55:59 AM