So.. I started the "hobby" back in October and met a few nice ladies of which one I really was attracted to. Saw her again soon after that and then while we were both in Vegas. She later came to my room where we spent the night together and soon started a relationship where she to my surprise, pursued me. This lasted for maybe 4 months until it recently fell apart. We had talked of marriage but that she would still work then she said for a few years after until she saved enough money. She's really bi, though I suspect more so Lesbian ..at least in terms of sex.
I'm quite a bit older and rather foolishly, even though I hesitated at first, allowed myself to fall hard for her. She broke it off because a couple of times I happened to read reviews and got a little jealous and realized that I would have to continue to share her, and I think that was her expectation also..not only while she worked (vs. retiring) but also after as she would want a girlfriend as well. I know, silly of me, but we did have some good times. Anyway, its tough getting over her, hadn't had to worry about anything like this in years to be honest. Anyway, was wondering if anyone else had gone this same path?-- Modified on 6/24/2017 2:55:58 PM
That this board will not provide any helpful feedback for such conundrum. First of all the people that could potentially offer helpful feedback stay in the shadows here and are lurkers more than active posters (it's a fair approach). The people that post here tend to offer a sadistic opinion in these type of threads so perhaps you will get some helpful DMs on the matter. The nature of this site is not to deal with these sort of situations so I don't blame the posters here that give people a hard time for such threads. My best advice... control your feelings. Avoid going into a serious relationship with a provider unless she pursues you and not the other way around (contingent you're interested too of course) and if you can't control your jealousy then do yourself a favor and move on. Jealousy is a horrible trait in people and nothing good comes from it. Understand the circumstances in which you two met and respect the nature of what she does. I guess ultimately it's up to you to exercise a better judgment. as a final note; marriage wouldn't fix anything that in your mind is the problem now, simply because nothing is broken.
My 0.02
myself "lurking in the shadows." If you think I should be more active here, I will try not to disappoint you. I have posted below to help him understand where he went wrong. If you don't let them know that, then all of the just move rhetoric is not going to prevent him from doing it again. You shouldn't confuse "sadistic" with telling it like it is. Sometimes, Newbies just need a wake-up call, unless they're millennials, then they need to be coddled and given a participation trophy when they come in last.
Personally, I am snarky about half the time and the other half the time I give what I believe is helpful advice. Keep in mind there are several regular posters here that have successfully dated and/or even married active providers. Scoed and Fish are two notables that come to mind.
I completely agree that the "green eyed monster" of jealousy kills most hooker/john relationships. My first bit of advice is that if you can't accept the fact that "your woman" is out fucking other guys (girls) for a living, getting into a serious relationship with an active provider is probably not the greatest idea.
Additionally, I don't think a woman who is not only an active provider, but one that most likely prefers women over men is ever going to be all "yours". I could date a woman like that, but I rarely get emotionally attached and I can't imagine getting married to any woman again, much less a woman who would ever truly be mine.
I completely agree with Sasha that unless and until you can learn to control your feelings, it's probably best that you don't pursue any kind of serious relationship with a provider, most likely it will only lead to heartache if you are the type who falls deeply in love and equates "sex with love"
Hey Sasha, neener neener, Not a mean, snarky or sadistic word out of me. lol
In this instance she pursued me..kept asking her if she was sure and she said yes..
do the pursuing. In my case, money has no smell unless I hold it right under my nose, but I think most providers have the ability to smell it at quite some distance. The hardest thing to figure out is whether they like you or your wallet better. It runs about 40-60 for me.
Sooo true.. I never really considered it until one time I mentioned that I had to go to the Dr for a possible cancer diagnosis (was a false alarm) and that money that month was a little tight, she pretty much just asked about the money until we had a disagreement the day after and I mentioned it..then she asked about my health..but before that it was more around "but I still need that allowance"..
The fact that you're readily agreeing with whatever coeur-de-lion says tells me you put yourself in this situation. Avoiding any responsibility for being in the situation you're currently on. You need a lot of maturing to do.
Besides if she supposedly gave you all those signs why are you even posting here it you are so sure it's her fault? Ugh. Ok guys, now you have my blessing to be sadistic lol.
a millennial tells a 60 yo guy with a lifetime of experience that he needs to "mature". Lol He doesn't need to mature, he gets to get more experience dating providers on the outside and not making the same mistakes over and over. I think that's why he's here, IMO. There are veterans here who have all had their share of dating providers in real life and know what pitfalls to look out for and how to enjoy the benefits of such a relationship. Let the guy read and learn. He's already "mature."
Look at me for example, NO ONE ever accuses me of being "mature" although I am called "old" all the time here.
I think we have actually been too easy on him. He never was in a "real" relationship with this woman except in his own mind. Several things leap out at me that he said. One was that he's still paying, that alone is proof positive he's not in a "real" relationship with this woman. He also mentions that although they were considering marriage she wanted to keep working to secure HER financially future, if she were seriously thinking of him as marriage material she would have used the word "our" not "my". And of course there is the part about her never even considering giving up GFs, I could go on, but I think I have made my point.
There is nothing wrong with "dating" a provider while still giving her money, but until she stops accepting your money, you are not in a "REAL" relationship with her. That should be tattooed on the forehead of every guy who has "fallen for a hooker and can't get up" lol
When you cross over to a "real" relationship. I had a first outside OTC date with a newer girl last weekend. Her plan was to come to her place for lunch, then we were going to go get a massage and then out to dinner. When I got there, she literally attacked me and said she was horny (she has been on vacation for about a week, so probably just coming off her period). So we fucked for a couple of hours instead of lunch. When we got ready to leave for the massage, I pulled out enough for her two-hour rate and held it up, asking if she would like to have it. She said, "If you don't put away, I will be offended. I was the one that was horny." So I agree that the vast majority of times, when you are not paying, you have progressed to a "real" relationship, but there are exceptions like this where its a little cloudy. I fully expect when I see her at her incall next week, it will be business as usual, regular rates, since this was our first outside date together. As you have learned, it can always change.
Are these TS providers you are talking about?!?
If so they may be building up to a big $$ ask for an expensive operation...
see TS providers, then you have REALLY come in late!!! That's what happens when you're only sober about once a week, so no problem here. Easy mistake for you.
Come on now - we're talking about you my brother...
but while we are on the subject I thought that's why they called GrandPa Gambler "GAG" - are you sure he doesn't partake in a little P4P Sword-Fighting?!?
I wish I was sober once a week - mostly I'm rolling or on the Portobello highway - It's the only solace I can find in my "slave to wage" life LOLOLOLOLOLOL...
Are you and GAG besties? It always seemed to me that he finds you mildly annoying...
by saying GaG only finds me "mildly" annoying.
Perhaps you didn't read everything. Think about it; $1000 a month, yet I spent a week with her for free at one point, having sex every day and night.. so if her price was normally $600 I would have blown that immediately. So it was so straightforward as even being charged anywhere near an equivalent rate. You should read before trying to come off so wise/snarky.
Regarding her finances, she said she wanted to be independent to secure a future for her parents and WE talked about settling in Mexico after we both retired but she wanted to get the money for her parents herself. And really, in looking for advice here as a newbie to this, most of the comments have been helpful except for obviously immature people like yourself. thanks!
Theres not much to be said. This hobby isnt designed to solve relationship dilemmas. I came close to having my feelings for a provider but then i took an honest at myself and the situation. I was still paying her for her time and her companionship. Thats the line tbh. We pay to not have any complications, attachments and to have the freedom to explore our appetites and fantasies. Im not surprised it didnt work out. Its silly to get jealous. If you see other women does SHE get to be jealous, or are you cutting off from the hobby as well. Id also examine why you are trying to date a woman who has sex for money. Maybe she was so much younger than you and you were thinking with the wrong head. I enjoy the emotions of the experience, but thats where it stops.
I do hope you feel better. Take some time from the hobby or get a rebound date or a massage.
She actually didn't want me to see any other providers...would get very jealous at the mention of any woman's name
Then yep.. Its on her. If she expects you to quit seeing others then should stop too
I actually had this conversation with a provider who "flipped out" at the idea of her BF seeing other girls, even other providers, because him fucking others was very different than what she did- fuck others for money. I disagreed because I don't think love and sex are the same thing. She said I was dumb.
Yeah, partly because I haven't been sleeping lately and that tends to make one a little craaaazzyyyy.. lol
But a topic going back and forth at length on dating a provider, cheating, fidelity/infidelity, this is awesome!!!
Most likely she didn't want you to "pay" other providers, she wanted all the $$$$
Its weird, that may have been part of it..also said she was with someone else before who 'cheated' on her and that made her mad. Though she was mad about me posting a belated review for someone I saw before her ..immediately thought I was cheating and then when she finally believed me, told me not to post for anyone else
I have to ask....in which state do you both reside? I am sorry for your situation, but really, what more could you have expected. She has the ability to make tons more for whomever she says it's for- the main thing is that you should realize you fell in love with the "IDEA" of her and a relationship- not actually her. Which means she did a great GFE job.
Lighten up though- I hope your doc visit went well and hopefully your next check up won't be for a good 3-4 years. But, YES YES YES- you know how to contact a beautiful lady, and that is how the two of you met. So, get back out there AND LET'S HEAR MORE FUN STORIES- not this stuff. I apologize for my bluntness, but I am simply trying to cheer you on to go see a different provider. See 2,3, 4 whatever it takes. You will be FINE.
Have a fantastic day!!
LOL... what a difference a few days make..yeah.. out of my system pretty quickly once you take a step back and see the reality. We were in NY and Texas.. and yes, I saw another provider earlier today whom I had seen months ago.. ah.. nothing like a great session to get you grounded again.. oddly enough, the provider mentioned in this thread won't communicate at all, even to be friends (though she offered that initially), but I figured since it was over, I'd see other providers; and when I turned down her suggestion for an $1800 visit to see me, she was pissed; and I said no need for that now (since she'd have to fly in and was getting ready to go on tour), now that we're split, I can just see someone local.
Anyhow, everything is fine now and thank you, love the encouragement for the fun stories... that's what its really all about (smile). Thx!
for the L word in the P4P world. I hope you don't feel as though I am coming across
as too strong.
In my opinion you are crossing the line..You are paying for the opportunity to spend time with
these ladies in this secret world and chasing fantasies!
I do admit that some great friendships are developed if the chemistry and connection is there.
I have some lady friends that I tell them on occasion that" I just love the Hell out of them" and I also have told them not to take that the wrong way...
Meaning that I love our friendship,our time spent together and our chemistry..
I am definitely not looking to pursue a love relationship and screw up these great friendships..
I think that it is ok to love a friendship..that's just me!
Maybe you sir need to refocus, take some time away and get your head straight.
Be honest with yourself and be honest with her. Talk about what works for you and listen to what works for her. If you can come to an honest agreement then go for it. It takes two people willing to tell the other what is going on.
Wanting someone to change for the relationship only creates resentments. life is not forever and neither are relationships. If you are willing to get hurt without getting angry, it might work.
It takes emotional maturity to get through any relationship and if you want to put this one in a box (the usual monogamous thing) it won't work. If you can do it while it works and be willing to let go of it when it doesn't you could have fun.
Yeah, jealousy is uncomfortable. i think it is more about how a person deals with it that counts. I get jealous sometimes but I don't get angry about it. I express that I am jealous, I don't ask the other person to change anything. It seems to dissipate from me that way. But, people that get angry can't change that and should run their lives knowing that.
So many different people, so many variations.
taken her seriously after she talked about marriage, but she would still work. In my experience, most girls consider an older guy with deep pockets a viable retirement strategy, but they ALWAYS intend to stop working. Sometimes, the "keep working" conversation is a test on the part of the provider to see how emotionally committed you are, because they want to know is they give up their business, you're not going to get bored and dump them in six months. The vast majority would not want to be married to a guy who is okay with them continuing to work. There are always exceptions, and I'm sure some of the ladies here ARE some of those exceptions. If its the provider that is insisting on working, then you won't really be a husband in the traditional sense, just her part time job to cover her basic living expenses. The Lesbian component I have no experience with, but is another red flag that if the right woman comes along, she may summarily dump you for some hot pussy. That's only marginally less devastating that being dumped for another dick.
You need to learn from this, put it behind you, and move on. From your description, it sounds totally one-sided. Don't feel bad. This happens to a lot of Newbies that are in unfamiliar territory when a customer/provider relationship moves to outside dating.
You are right in many respects, though she pursued me but yes, I think I would have ended up just being a financial net. She insisted she would need to keep working for a few years after marriage to reach her financial goals but definitely said that while I shouldn't see any other providers nor could have a girlfriend on the side after marriage, I would have to accept her having a girlfriend now and always. Men are for comfort, women for sex I think was her statement.
Was she Russian?
If so, you got off easy. lol
BTW I am NOT a cynic where it comes to having "real" relationships with hookers, I have dated many hookers, had a few LTR's along the way and by and large am much better off for the experience, but I am NOT the type who easily falls in love, so it's probably easier for me than someone who wears his heart on his sleeve.
LOL..wasn't Russian but i definitely get your point.. yeah.. normally I wouldn't have considered it.. I think hit me during a low point..seemed miraculous..too good to be true... lol...and it was
Been a source of frustration for a provider that is used to sweeping men off their feet and then controlling them with some of the techniques the OP cites, such as not seeing other providers, etc. You just have to put things in perspective for them. I planned an outside OTC date a few weeks ago with one of my regulars, and she hinted the night before that she might want to work instead, so I told her no problem, I will invite someone else, and she did a 180 in about 30 seconds. We had a great time and she said afterward she made the right decision.
You are so right.. guess being a newbie, and well...being older and having this hot girl interested in me..sort of lost my head.. should never have gone down that path with her..
Don't think so much about the mistake you made but about what you've learned about both relationships and yourself and what you want from these activities. Facing that reality will allow you to have much more fun and help see a potential pitfall coming up for you. This world is a great training ground for emotional disciple and maturity; learn from it.
Very very true!
In one case the lady just likes doing it. A second case like that is with out friend scoed. In another case her husband is ill, they need the money and she won't leave him. I could go on but you get the picture. Perhaps these are exceptions that prove the rule. Who knows?
I don't know if they are legally married, but one couple have a civie business together. Both the ladies and their partners are in the swinger lifestyle.
I've met both of their SO's. One of the couples have a girlfriend that they share.
I always ask the ladies to pass along my thanks to the guys, for sharing their wonderful ladies.
It takes special people and a trust that isn't about who they are fucking, it's a trust about honesty with each other.
But, I do think the P4P was added to their life after they had a life together. So, that is a different dynamic to starting a relationship with someone already in the business.
-- Modified on 6/24/2017 9:43:57 PM
This topic comes up frequently; reality being that hobbyists and providers are real people with feelings too. Sometimes one runs into that provider where you just know that if you'd met in civie life, she'd be the one. Do we really have any control over whom we fall in love with? The way I see it you had several choices: A) Cherish time with her without expressing your true feelings. B) Sever contact before you got hurt (jealous), which you did. She told you upfront that she would not quit working. C) Dive in with both feet and see where it leads. We know which choice you made, and it didn't work out, so just like any relationship that has run its course, suck it up, let the achy heart heal, and move on.
Very good advice..and I think the final kicker was, she texted that it was over though we were supposed to see each other next week (I had already paid for her tickets). So I said, was nice knowing you and knowing you have a tour coming up, no sense in coming to see me now. So while we were in a 'relationship', I would have paid for food, etc but not for a session. However, she said no, she still wanted to come but wanted to charge me this exhorbitant fee for a few hours since she was flying in.
So...I think emotionally, she got over it quickly and focused on the money, especially knowing that I would want to see her..but I turned it down and she got pissed off. Weird ending but good lesson.
You have joined a very long list of Johns that have fallen and think they cant get up. Many will knock you, belittle you but lucky for you, I am not one of them.
While there is the occasional female sex worker I have to bring back to sanity because she fell in love with a trick, 97.4% of my book comes from helping love sick Johns like yourself.
Look, all is not lost here. Many guys have ventured down this path. The first step is admitting you have a problem and you have done so.
I would be happy to work with you on this. Just know that everything you tell me will stay between you and me. And possibly a few friends who think this shit is hysterical and astonishing anyone would be so pathetic. Don't listen to them.
We can talk more in depth privately, and you can check my rates on my website. Just note I don't ever negotiate. No one here does. Certainly not any of the hookers. 
You seem like a good guy so I will toss you this gem for free; just tell yourself over and over "She is fucking other guys. She is fucking other guys."
That's a good place to start. You CAN recover.
Beware the recidivism rate is high in these cases, but I have faith in you. As long as your check clears.
LOL...thanks for the advice.. I think 
Yeah, this was one of those things where I was surprised that she wanted to pursue but said I was "nice". We visited each other a few times and had a great time, off the clock, off the wallet so to speak during those times. However, I would give her money each month (about 1k) for food, etc.. But yeah, definitely wasn't a good idea and I kept asking her (and myself honestly) where is this going. I should add (red flag) that she was from another country as well. So maybe it was all to eventually gain american status, have the financial backing, and be able to see her girlfriend.
Funny how when I was younger I would have laughed and not given it a second thought... sort of silly at this age to be honest.. but it will pass I guess..
it's the shrapnel of other emotions that get in the way.
Be mature. Talk about it. Be honest. You're making the parachute as you fall from the plane. There are no written instructions and it doesn't come in a box. You keep building it as you keep falling.
If it's over, take a bit to ground yourself. It's not the first or the last time you'll have emotions that aren't your most favorite to go through. It's just life.
But I will agree it doesn't come in a box. I mean it doesn't anymore.
We have recently "gone green" at JDU and have put our advice online to save the environment as there is no need to kill a tree for a love sick John, right?
My hot, young, lib secretary has a new found respect for me for doing so but to be quite honest with you Emily...I just did it to save a few bucks and to get in her pants.
On a more serious note, I would like to announce we just hired John Podesta and the DNC to safeguard our website from hacking, so you know our site is in the best hands.
Beautifully stated, thank you ..and you're right.. will just let time pass and I'll be fine.. probably the surprise for me is I remember going through this like many years ago..never expected it at this age.. lol .. but thank you, much appreciated
Great image and so true.
I got involved with a provider and I will never, ever consider it again. I wish I knew then what I know now. The lies, the deceit and a slew of other problems.
Yeah, definite lesson here for me..would never do that again.. and the constant pressure to do things for her, arrange things, additional monies for emergencies.. and yeah, the deceit.. so agree, would never do this again
Not all hookers make such horrible GF's. I have had some wonderful hooker GF's that never pressured me for money, or to do things for her, or who constantly deceived me. So lets lighten up on "all hookers" here.
Let's just chalk it up to you being with the wrong woman, and not paint with such a broad brush here. One of the things I have enjoyed about dating hookers are just the opposite of what some of you have run into. Contrary to your experience, some of the positives I have found about dating hookers are; most of them had no need for my money as they made PLENTY of their own, they were very independent women and never wanted to be dependent on a man, and very few were deceptive, I mean I already knew they were having sex with other men for a living and I knew that going in, after that fact is out in the open there's no need to lie about the small stuff.
I think a lot of guys who date hookers aren't nearly as "open minded" about it as they claim, and it's their own hang ups and insecurities that doom the relationship.
One last thing for the record, if she is still asking you for money on any kind of regular basis, you really aren't her BF, you are at best her ATF or Sugar Daddy, and becoming her husband is just the ultimate in being her Sugar Daddy.
Absolutelyh agree on multiple points. This was a single experience with a particular person who I think in quite a few ways was very sweet. But she had some things to deal with out of her background that would come up as well as a prior relationship with a client that didn't end well..both things were big obstacles. So there was this almost obsessive view on not talking to any other women, providers, etc and if I didn't text on a constant basis, even if she was working all day, then it became a point of contention..that was exhausting after awhile.
And you're right as well regarding the sugar daddy thing...some may not think of 1000/month a lot of money (especially if you see providers regularly), but it just got to the point where I would rarely see her but she would demand the money or she said she would starve.
Ironically, it was great just getting it out of my system and after finally replying to an ex-girlfriend (I didn't before because i didn't want to complicate things further) I'm just back to my old life, so in a day, feeling back to normal.
But I do want to stress your first point, I wouldn't paint all with a broad brush, but yes, it is a different sort of arrangement and at least in my case, the work definitely took priority which itself is not a bad thing, if like in your case, they were financially independent. But if you're paying and barely seeing them (she eventually said we should meet at least every 3 weeks) then its definitely not worth the effort.
You were not even close to being in a "real" relationship. You were barely a regular. A woman with actual feelings for you would move heaven and earth to see you on a more regular basis, you were simply a paycheck for her. In a "real" relationship she would be making excuses to cancel appointments in order to spend more time with you, not the exact opposite.
and it's not the amount of money, (you're right $1,000 is negligible) it's the fact she demanded it from you, and do you really think a full time hooker would starve to death without your thousand bucks?
I think Sasha did you a disservice by asking us (in so many words) to be nice to you, you don't need us to be "nice" you need a two by four upside your head to "nudge" you back to reality. You are MUCH better without her, as your "relationship" was all in your head.
Perhaps you've never dated someone in a different state? I dated a lot in my 40s when I first got divorced..probably more in those 10 years than in my entire life..and women from all walks of life and a few that were long distance (e.g. NY and Texas).
So you need to put in context the distance and perhaps I should have highlighted that early on; if it were every 3 weeks and we were in the same locale, I'd agree with you. I AM much better without her, that much is very very true!
and I forgot to add it when I typed the rest of my post.
That said, I have dated women not only in different cities/states, but different countries as well and usually managed to see them more than once every three weeks, but yes the distance involved is germane.
One rule to keep in mind when dating hookers, if she is an active provider yet is still taking your money, she is NOT your GF and what you have is very unlikely to be "real" Now OTOH, if you ask her to "retire" and she doesn't have the skills to replace her hooker income, well as the saying goes "if you break it, you buy it" you can't expect her to stop making hundreds of dollars an hour and take a job making minimum wage without some (a lot) of help from you, but that doesn't sound anywhere near the case here.
-- Modified on 6/25/2017 5:21:06 PM
How are the hookers you "date" (LOL) - at changing your depends?
Shouldn't you be dating Filipino nurses at this point in your life - Did you know they can lift 10x their own weight in seniors - and they'll make sure you don't shoot yourself when you are playing with your AR15...
LOL.. actually I still workout and am a level 4 in jeet kune do martial arts that I started at 50...am 55 now.. so no depends just yet.. and even with the weights, I incline press and flat bench and curl just as much as I did 10 years ago and more than I did when I was younger... so no Filipino nurses just yet...now 5 years from now..lol
Its been a nice cathartic experience here receiving all of the replies..just wanted to thank you all.
Don't forget to tell your love sick Johnny friends about my services. Do me a solid on Yelp when you get the chance.
I met a provider that was such an exceptional human being - I pursed her - and I did everything in my power to get her to fall for me, as I had already fell so hard for her...
It's crazy that I wasn't jealous at all - despite the fact that a fellow hobbiest would book time with her and PM me with every detail of their dates (and he was a sick bastard). I had a very developed personal life and she had a serious boyfriend at the time so I felt protected to pursue her without having my life unraveled. I was pursuing her and she was responsive but aloof...
Then, she broke up with her boyfriend and turned into me full-force. I had to step back from her despite the fact that I had told her that I loved her a couple of times and told her that I was "All In" on her almost every time we communicated. I wanted to be (and was to some degree) in love with her but I didn't want to fuck up my life as I have many people depending on me. We talked through it over a few months, had a few blow-outs and then she found another boyfriend...
Now we talk and I see her from time to time but I always pay and the part of our relationship that stays professional makes me feel super safe. To this day, I feel that she is so extraordinary that I am privileged just to be able to talk to her on the phone!
I support "Love" in the hobby but not "Relationship" - I hope this makes sense brother - TB
Makes perfect sense!!! I honestly was surprised she was pursuing me and I too felt sher was funny, extremely physically beautiful, but also had a sweet heart. But she also told me she can be mean sometimes depending on the circumstances and I definitely saw that side of her from time to time though was nothing major as we all have our "dark" sides (me definitely as well).
In my case, I've been going through a self-initiated divorce, and its my 2nd marriage so was feeling a bit down and I think she was lonely (originally the thing she liked the most was to be able to sleep through the morning with someone she liked without the pressure of sex though we did have sex anyway) so I guess we both had some emotional baggage/needs.
I hope I can see her again in a few months when she is on tour up this way as we got along great before the relationship piece came into play. Nothing but respect for her, and if she were truly retired, it might be a different story but now I'm sort of back to dating as my divorce goes through and back to myself..so yeah, I want to keep my personal life normal going forward.
When my shit was flaring with the her after she broke up with her boyfriend - I would just call her and start by telling her exactly how I felt about her and the admiration and respect I had for her beyond her physical beauty (she literally is one of the most beautiful women in Hollywood)... When a woman who has been objectified all her life hears that - it has a way of simmering everything else down...
I would call her, if you are going to go down, go down swinging...
LOL..no I'm good..in fact, the more days that passed, the more I realized it worked out for the best.. just feel sorry for her and hope she can find someone that can deal with the whole situation and her in particular and that she find happiness. Deep down, a very nice lady, but just a lot of other stuff to deal with..way too much drama for me.. and with the passage of just a few days, I feel great and back to normal so don't want to disturb that tea pot again
It may be unfortunate and confusing for it to happen here of all places but we are all still human beings with emotions at the end of the day, both men and women. I will say that since this is a business about and started by women with a business mindset of why they are here, I have witnessed "love" talk much more from the men. My personal observation but deff works both ways.
I say go with your gut. Just keep it honest with her is all you can do. And sometimes that's easier said than done. Good luck to you whichever route you take. If it makes you happy, go for it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained imo.
Senior semi newbie (1 year) like Friendlyguy.
Since I`ve started in the game I have really done my homework and have only seen 3 top shelf providers multiple times. All were excellent hence the repeats. I`m ok with keeping the relationship inside the box (room) but one of them, my ATF really threw this newbie a curve ball the first few times I saw her by drenching me with delightful kudos and giving me way more green lights than she should have and that I could handle. Like 2 1/2 hr OTC dinners, life story, holding hands and slow dancing in the restaurant parking lot etc. Yeah, like falling in love again, sweet! Of course as green and old school as I am I embellished this stuff and ran with it and experienced a lot of discomfort. This is a nice, sweet girl, not a gold digger in any way as I`ve been around the block a lot and have pretty good savy reading people.
I`m looking for connection and maybe some intimacy but this is not a good venue to look for that. Ok, that`s cool. That being said here`s what I did:
Two weeks ago I`m cleared for a date with a stunning highly rated/reviewed indie Asian beauty in NNJ. While waiting in the parking lot I decide I`m going to leave all my emotional intimacy seeking baggage locked in the car. Decided to just go in with a "Get off, get out" attitude and boy did it ever work! Both of us had a ball, laughing, clowning, with passionate sex, it was terrific and that`s the path I want to stay on from now on.
Only problem is this morning I booked 2 hrs with the ATF for this Thu in NNJ with a confirmed OTC dinner. Uh oh, Murph what should I do?
Good luck Friendlyguy
Ah.. yours was a great post to read!!!! Yep, the OTC stuff can throw you..my week with her was amazing...and we also spent time in another venue for free as well.. lol.. but you're right.. leave the emotional stuff aside.
Even with the ones I've seen multiple times, I usually want to leave before the session's over. But I understand intellectually that it happens. And I can sympathize, as I've experienced "bad romance."
My advice would be to stick to the same standards you maintain when you fall for girls in civilian life. Because why not? Would you accept a girl you met through friends who appeared to prefer sex with women over sex with you? Would you go along with allowing a girl you met at a fish fry continuing to have sex with other men? If not, then don't accept it from a hooker.
Maybe, as another poster pointed out, she was giving you a "shit test" (though he didn't use that term), i.e. testing to see how much crap you'll swallow. Maybe not. Even so, just because you've already fallen for her doesn't mean you have to lower your standards on account of her being a hooker. What you can live with and how much you value yourself are important, no matter your probably temporary feelings.
Excellently put and I think unfortuntely or fortunately, that's what led in part to it ending. At one point we had a bit of an argument and I told her "it all can't be about you, a relationship goes both ways" and I brought up the irony of her being super jealous yet she is with different people each day as part of her job and has a girlfriend she has been dying to see/get a visa to come to America. So I was pretty much like why would I do this anyway... things calmed down a bit for a little while but then her jealousy came up ("why would you be on TER unless to tell me about my scores unless you are looking for another provider"..whereas my response was that I started looking at forums to understand better from those who have been at it awhile)...she didn't like the answer and said I must have some "sick obsession with providers".. it just went downhill from there.
And you're right, I would never even date a woman who had other men or was bisexual/lesbian (nothing wrong with that per se, just not my cup of tea) or even a woman who flirted alot. So she had the first two things but when we were together she was very attentive and focused... in any event you're right.. i finally told her don't think I'll accept anything because I'm older, because I've dated older and younger prior to you" which was true....that didn't go over well..but the more I started to assert what I would do in real life, it caused more friction.. and as someone else stated, I think she was looking for the sugar daddy thing, and would say if we get married, can her girlfriend live with us..and perhaps if I marry her girlfriend after her, then she can come over and we could all live together..crazy now that I play it back to myself..but that was part of the conversation..lol
about john falling for a provider. Do a search here and you will find multiple threads about this very topic.
I foolishly thought I could make things work, sex was amazing and we shared a lot of outside interests, she told me she "used to use", oh really ?
We did lots of things together outside of the bedroom (vacation, dinners etc.). I spent $$k, on her rent, car, and other bills...
But the more I helped her the less she cared...
Found out months into things and lots of lies on her part that it was the Meth "she" was more interested than me... she'd been using all along !!!
Saw 2 girls this past week:
-First one was addicted to Meth
-Second one was a "cutter"
Unfortunately, there are many outside forces that drive these amazing looking girls into this "trade" - Not many of them good...
Wow...that is sad.. yeah, my situation didn't have the drug angle but she would definitely drink to prepare for her dates..it was really nice to be with her when she was sober.. but very very focused on being a top star in this business so if a client asked her to take drugs for a session she wouldn't turn it down.. just seemed like such a tough way to go
You're basically just setting yourself up for heartbreak and anxiety. It's especially risky if you're the jealous type. Your sanity and peace of mind shouldn't be worth the sacrifice that comes with catching feelings, so I strongly advise against it. Those of us in MGTOW take part in this hobby to avoid all that mess that comes with civvie dating, and also because there are more options here, so this is the last place where I expected to see someone suffer from Oneitis. But I totally understand that you can't always help who you catch feelings for as it sometimes happen unsuspectingly. Quite contrary to popular belief, the best cure for Oneitis is not to run around with a bunch of women, that is utter nonsense. Instead, all you need is a rebound girl (only one) who will help you get your mind off her. The reason being is that your Oneitis is an emotional problem, and not a physical one. Now I note where you also said that you're an older gentleman. It's very common for people to perceive older men to have more money, perhaps this holds true in her case, and if that's the case then it means that she may have deliberately targeted you. I just think it's a little suspect that she's the one pursuing you, and not the other way around. Be especially careful when dating a potential gold digger, the heartbreak to come will prove to be even more devastating than average. I have yet to catch feelings for a provider, although I did come pretty close with my ATF. I guess the risk will always be there as long as two people are having sex on the regular, but the best advice I can give you is to keep it professional and keep your feelings in check. Remember, at the end of the day it's still a business arrangement, and these girls are out here sleeping with other men for a living at the risk of catching an STD. There are other men out there who probably caught feelings for her as well, now all of a sudden you're involved in a love triangle that could turn bloody. Love is nothing more than a chemical in your brain that drops your IQ level, I call it the idiot hormone.
Curious if you reread your post? And thought to yourself, "is anyone else reading this?"
to express what you find to be wrong with my post, lol!
Unless she falls in love with you too, as was the case with me.. After many years in the Hobby I met and fell in love with a Provider. Amazingly enough, it turned out she felt the same way... It was a passionate romance. We set a date in the not to distant future for her to leave the profession, but she would continue to work during the interim.. Unfortunately my jealousy got the better of me, despite her telling me "it was just a job" and that she truly loved me..I eventually decided to "punish her" for her infidelity by foolishly re-entering the Hobby. Of course she found out, as I new she would, and believe me, her jealousy put mine to shame. She said I had betrayed her and that I broke her heart. Need less to say we eventually went our separate ways... so my advice is this...if you think you're falling in love with a Provider try to determine her true feelings early on. Unless your sure about how she feels, get out. Otherwise hang in there, don't read her reviews and keep telling yourself "IT'S JUST A JOB"
I think both of your comments are valid.. yeah, I start to wonder and I kept saying to her that I am way too old for her (could be her father's age). So yeah, definitely could be a gold digger part in there..and it was embarrassing but I ended up taking a full battery of STD tests including AIDS..at my age..just to be sure.
I think the other comment is also valid. She was extremely jealous and it was hard for me to comprehend.. I mean, I know its a job, but SHE's the one who sleeps with different people, not me..but in the end, I think its one of the reasons we split, because she constantly accused me of looking for other providers and then when I said well, its over a month since I saw you, the reluctantly agreed to every 3 weeks though that never happened. I'm just letting it pass through my system and as many on here have said, its too complicated, hard to trust, etc.. will never do it again. And if one pursues me again, I'll be smarter next time and just say No Way!
The best cure for "oneitis" is a world that is more open to polyamory. And by polyamory, I mean the ability to love more than one person simultaneously. (NOT to be confused with promiscuity---that is an entirely different thing altogether--but invariably the repressive minds will try to lump the two together.)
Possessiveness and jealousy are killers---a society that encourages a "broader" (for lack of a better word) approach to love would be so much healthier IMHO. There was an earlier thread where someone posted the following: "If you have 4 children do you save all your love for just one of them or do you love them all equally?"
Spot-on analogy!! Why can't adults be like this?? All of these "traditional" social mores and rules do nothing but cause repression and anxiety. We need something better!! (And I believe things are very slowly starting to change--and that change will continue!!)
You will even come to find that you didn't actually love her. Maybe you had strong feelings but sometimes as human beings we can fall hard and fast and think it's the real thing. Who knows how she even felt. I have had a client or two tell me he loves me and would do anything for me to come find out it was all lies or some odd game they were playing in their head. One I believe he does love me , as a friend, the other I think was more infatuation and lust and not real love.
It happens. A provider and a client can fall in love but I think it's rare. Because two sides of the coin barely ever match up. And someone always ends up hurt or feels slighted.
Just take your time and it will pass. You will be just fine. 😃
Thanks Sydney!!! Yeah, I really loved her sense of humor, her intelligence, and she seemed very caring and loving. She would say to me that she loved me and to prove it, would have my kid after we were married But I do remember her saying early on that if I hadn't helped her with some financial arrangements by summer that she would leave.. just remembered that.
And then there was the jealousy.. so when she broke it off but still wanted to come visit, for a high price, I figured it was for money after getting me "hooked". So I said I had already contacted an ex-girlfriend and was going to see her this week, so my provider said I disrespected her and she would have to distance herself from me for quite awhile... so I think when she thought she had the upper hand at the end she was fine..but then it changed after the talk of me setting up a date. I actually did believe at one point she loved me...but .. was probably just a good act.. silly as it sounds, I did envision spending my years with her.. but there was this constant pressure of "what are you doing for me anyway"..so I'd explain about giving money each month, and other things I worked on for her... guess I was blinded for awhile..
Then, if you both still feel a passion for each other, get married.
That's what I did. It's working out just fine.
That's excellent advice for anyone in any relationship..
What you're falling in love with is the perfect sex. At least that's what happens to me. I've had so much perfect sex here it's totally amazing. Yes, who wouldn't want to take that home. But then you go home to mama, and mama says, 'not tonight honey', I have a headache', 'I don't want to do that', 'It's your birthday? I guess we can have sex, but don't touch me there'. The ladies here are professionals. They're here to take care of your every whim. You can f8ck their brains out, or talk their ears off. The best ones are absolutely perfect.
What I'm in love with is perfect sex. So what that means is I'm in love with TER, and all the wonderful ladies here (not the flakes). This is where it's happening. This is the perfect world. There might be an exception, but for me, I absolutely do not want to take my atf home, and lose my perfect sex.
Marriage, or even living with anyone anymore. I always feel so good during the honeymoon phase after meeting someone, but the drama always follows and I don't need the honeymoon feelings to pass before I see the end game anymore. That's why I p4p to begin with. No dealing with someone else's life drama, or their financial problems, or their children from other relationships, or their expectations of you that constantly distract you from your inner peace and your own goals.
Obviously your distraught over this woman...how has your attachment to her benefited you? Your mind is occupied thinking about this negative shit and she costs you money...so at the moment she doesn't enhance the quality of your life. You sound conflicted, confused and you let her knock you off center... If a woman doesn't make you happy or fulfill your needs, get rid of her. You should consider yourself lucky that you're not married. Not so easy to walk away for your own good then
Its funny a difference a day makes.. I feel much better today and grounded..and it was nice chatting about it here as well. We definitely had some very good moments, but there were other things that were too complicated, which made me hesitant in the first place and different times throughout our time together.
I am lucky to be done in retrospect.. even doing this hobby is something I thought I'd never do.. so was a good experience overall.. but yes, helluva lot of baggage.
I've fallen for a provider before. Some of these women can make you lose your mind. The really good ones create a realistic fantasy in which the lines between fact and fiction get blurred quickly. Reading reviews from other clients can be a wake up call.
So true Rickshaw, it has been extremely helpful to have read the views on this board.. most have been very helpful and from the outside looking in, help you gain clarity on what's really going on.
I can't even find someone I'd want to book an hour with.
There are some attractive women, most not my type when it comes to paying, so I can't say they are a viable option.
... and I can just imagine what these so called SB that these old drunk guys fuck look like.
Where falling in love comes from is beyond me.
I fell in love with a client and we've been together for 6 years now. I stopped escorting for awhile and he would help me out financially. Then he lost his job, so I went back to escorting but I still am in love with him. The thing with us is that he is married, but he tells me he loves me everyday. I am not the jealous type though so I actually suggest to him to hire other girls. I just think it's good for a man to have variety sexually, not necessarily emotionally. He is a little jealous but not enough to hinder me from working in this business. I can't imagine my life without him, he means everything to me.
Open-minded woman to accept that he's married, but to suggest he see other providers as well makes you one of a kind.
You fully understand that it's a two-way street. You are seeing other men so you are okay with him seeing other women. The few GENUINE love affairs I've had with providers ended because of HER jealousy, not mine. Kudos to you for being able to separate the physical from the emotional.
As you may well know, I am loved by many and despised by even more. Before you think about falling in love with a hooker just know that I or someone like me may have very well been inside her. We may even have slapped her face with our cocks for good time sake as well. And you know what she like it or she took it like the hooker she was. She may even have swallowed some bit of me inside her. Before I or someone like me went balls deep inside her.
Now think real hard, can you love another woman who have possibly loved and fuck a someone like me . That's right the girl you loved, I had my dick in her mouth ... Imagine that.
Did you vomit just a little knowing she had myself or someone like me inside her before or maybe a couple times?
Now think real hard, can you ever forgive and love someone who more then willing had sex with someone like me just cause I flashed her a couple pieces of paper.
Every time you kiss her, every time you enter her. Just know me or someone like me had very much ourselves all over her. If you can get that sliminess thought out of your head, I guess you might actually love her. But if you even flinch a disgust knowing that person you loved, loved some disgusting pos like myself, then you best know she is just a hooker 4 life.
Word !!!!
You sure gave me second thoughts LOL!!
-- Modified on 6/28/2017 5:52:44 AM
Yes sex workers do on occasion fuck sad pathetic people like you. But it a sign of compassion, which is a good trait in a lover. After all, even slimy trolls need the occasional human touch. Besides most women out there have had multiple partners in there life. Other then your a piece of shit, what is you point?
Or conversely, instead of taking the glass half empty pessimistic view you could take the open minded view that you will judge her on what she is to YOU and not what she has been to someone else. Because In the end, how she makes YOU feel is what matters - how she made someone else feel is their judgment....
As you may well know, I am loved by many and despised by even more. Before you think about falling in love with a hooker just know that I or someone like me may have very well been inside her. We may even have slapped her face with our cocks for good time sake as well. And you know what she like it or she took it like the hooker she was. She may even have swallowed some bit of me inside her. Before I or someone like me went balls deep inside her.
Now think real hard, can you love another woman who have possibly loved and fuck a someone like me
. That's right the girl you loved, I had my dick in her mouth ... Imagine that. Did you vomit just a little knowing she had myself or someone like me inside her before or maybe a couple times?
Now think real hard, can you ever forgive and love someone who more then willing had sex with someone like me just cause I flashed her a couple pieces of paper.
Every time you kiss her, every time you enter her. Just know me or someone like me had very much ourselves all over her. If you can get that sliminess thought out of your head, I guess you might actually love her. But if you even flinch a disgust knowing that person you loved, loved some disgusting pos like myself, then you best know she is just a hooker 4 life.
Word !!!!
LOL.. I have to say, this had me cracking up!!! On point but still funny!! Thanks for that lol!
Then what's the problem? I have five providers I'm seeing. Two I like very much and they know it. These two I spend alot of OTC time with. We don't even play. I've taken them (not together) to dinner and sometimes shopping. It's so much fun (to me anyway) to spend time with these providers outside of our usual playtime. Here's a shocking revelation; They're like all girls that aren't in this business. Just trying to pay their bills, rent and put food on the table. Am I in Love with these two providers? You're Dam Right I am.
I have an ATF that I am just crazy about - she gorgeous, smart, cool, sexy, sweet . . . everything any man could ever want. Every time I see her I fall in love - it's impossible not to! She loves and needs this world and I am just a small part of it for her. I just hope for her happiness. I also have a few others who I am quite fond of.
When I leave her it fades to a deep affection and a neat friendship until the next time. It's been that way for years now and I believe that she sees me as a good friend as well. Were she to "pursue" me (she won't) our relationship would end, but it would be really tough.
It is perfect, as good as it gets in this game and I am going to keep a good thing going as long as I can.
...but I fell for him too. It was when I posted my first TER ad. We met and felt sparks right away.
But because I have plans and rather continue in this hobby, I am keeping my distance.
I am pretty sure you aren't alone in this and the best thing to do is either accept her as a provider and keep an open mind or break it off. You have to remember at the end of the day, this is still a job and I wouldn't quit ANY job- even fast food- in the name of love....which realistically may not even last.
I visited your website. I may have fallen for you just from your photos. I'm very open minded and will not insist that you leave the hobby.
In actuality, I think her main reason for breaking up was that she was so sure I had seen other providers while with her (which I didn't).. I mentioned that I was on TER (actually looking at discussion boards) and she said I had an obsession with providers (I've only been in the hobby since last October and haven't really seen that many women, in fact, when I first met her, I told her I'd focus just on her but she told me not to).
... or at least the Deeply Confused About Relationships in This Environment bell. GaG says something downthread about this being a case of getting involved with the wrong person (which can happen in any setting of course), and I think he's right. It hurts--there's no getting around it (I started to type "there's no getting around id"--Freudian slip?) when you care about someone and they screw around with you. But it sounds from your replies as if you've got the right attitude about it and are learning from experience. That's the best we can expect for ourselves.
I feel your pain in your words. I am a very empathetic person and literally can feel your pain while I read the words that you wrote. Love is so scary because its one of the best feelings on the planet... until it becomes one of the worse.
I try to genuinely love every person I choose to engage with. I love them in different ways and for different reasons, but that love is genuine.
We are all shaped into who we are by the events we go through. Every remarkable experience chips into our personality and beliefs. The things that we need to be the best version of ourselves come from the way our lives shape our minds and look different from person to person. I am a provider. I have been working for about three months. I had only slept with 4 men TOTAL before I began working. My husband is in prison and had never told me he was secretly into humiliation and the idea of watching me be with another man.
I started to see clients and I would write erotic fiction stories that were loosely based on our encounters and share them with my husband. These behaviors would have been detrimental to any other relationship I had ever seen or been a part of but for us it works. We are happier than we have ever been and feel closer to each other.
My reason for saying all of this to you is because while my husband is okay with and enjoys my newfound career path, I would die if I ever thought of him being with another woman. Being committed to someone in this lifestyle is difficult absolutely, and it is not for everyone. In order to make a relationship work you have to be able to provide to your partner whatever it is that they need emotionally. This girl probably broke things off because she felt unable to do that for you given her current work.
You have no reason to feel embarrassed or down on yourself for missing her. You only need to remind yourself that you are amazing. Remind yourself of the love you shared no matter how brief and be thankful for it. She may not be in your life for the time being, but you do have the ability to explore and connect with someone new and who is able to effortlessly give you all that you need in a relationship.
Move forward with high expectations and truly believe that you will be with exactly who you should when you should. Be thankful for the time you were able to spend loving each other and hang in there!!!!
That was beautiful, and very insightful especially with the experience of your own life. Thank you soooo much!!!
and you never know, when you write a few kind words, who they will touch.
You've helped me as I continue to pick myself up from my latest civilian heartbreak. Thank you.
I'm recovering from an on again off again 3 year relationship with an ex provider. She quit after we started dating and to my knowledge never went back so it wasn't jealousy that killed off our relationship. Anyway here's what I learned.
The heart wants what the heart wants. I fell for a woman half my age despite lots of warnings from friends. Hell, I used to make fun of guys like me. And then that shit happened to me. I am very disciplined in most of my life but however you define love, that shit can fuck you up.
No one can help once you're in it and once it ends. The healing will come at the pace your emotions permit. Mostly it's day by motherfucking day.
And, it really makes no difference that you met her here or at a party. Either it's going to work or it's not. People break up for all kinds of reasons that have nothing to do with one person fucking another for money.
So not all of us are lurking in the shadows. Some of us empathize. Even though there isn't shit anyone can do for you once you're there.
You and I are similar, I'm very discilined in other parts of my life and yes, this took my totally by surprise. It was surprising that it was happening and to the extent it was impactful. However, at least in my case, in retrospect, there were definite signs but I was just blinded to them. I definitely have a weak spot when I believe someone is really a good/sweet person inside and will work towards bringing that out. But yeah, it didn't work out and at least for me, I would never pursue that path again, I realize the job was the primary motivator/objective in her life and I would always come 3rd or 4th behind other concerns.
Well in my case that's two girls I'm falling for.
You can't expect these girls to leave this business for you. Remember this is how you met them. I don't expect the two girls I like to leave this business for me. One does this full time. The other does this part time with her close group of her few regular guys she sees. The one that does this full time knows I like her a lot. And she likes me given all the OTC time we spend together. Same with the girl that does this on a part time basis.
Never know so many on this forum fell for providers/johns.
Had a delightful 2 hr tryst with my ATM yesterday who I have feelings for but I`m keeping them in the box for now with only minimal discomfort. At one point after an exceptional 1st round , we`re cooing and cuddling and I ask her "Seriously Legs, ( nickname I gave her) what`s really missing in your life? Tell me girl, what is it that is REALLY missing?"
After a thoughtful moment she looks at me with her blue eyes and replies in a melancholy way, "Love, that`s what`s missing and that`s what I really want."
Hmm, interesting but sad and I hurt for her. On the other hand she saw 2 clients after me resulting in probably a 1K + day for her. Not to mention that she`s a real cummer and gets off easily and frequently.
How about taking that kind of $$ down 4-5 times a week and gettin' off multiple times each day. Maybe blowing 2K at Vic`s Secret on lingerie and shoes occasionally? How about the once in a while 4 day vacay in the Caribbean with a nice wealthy client? Ya mon, not too shabby! No way she gets to do this without providing. Would she trade all this for love? Fat chance is my guess. Still I so could see the regret and sadness in her eyes.
Glamorous game you say? Maybe, for some girls who handle it well. This is just my spin on one girl in the game. Are there others like her? Probably.
All what I`ve seen and experienced since I`ve been in the hobby tells me to quickly morph into "Get off and get out" mode as I posted a few days ago to Mr. Friendly`s thread after trysting with the NJ/PA Asian legend. As I stated then I left my emotional bags in the car and had an absolute ball. Only way to go for me at this point although Legs gets a free pass for now but our relationship will stay inside the room.......For now.
Safe and happy 4th people.
And this right here is the issue
Falling in love is NOT a choice
You don't decide to wake up one day and fall
In love. Life is not that black and white
If you mean you think it unlikely she will ever have that need fulfilled because she is having other needs met that conflict with that one, welll that is purely opinion and conjecture but admittedly very possible. Not always though. I know 3 providers that met their husbands through the hobby. None were looking but all were open to love anywhere. All have been married in excess of 5 years and 2 now have children. Are they still providing? No. Are they financially secure as well as in love? Yes. It happens
Sorry, but I couldn't help notice that the way you write about this lady is rather contemptuous- despite your 'legs' approach. You are judging her and looking down on her (I bet you haven't even realised this) and she very probably is judging you in return. If she's not, she should be. You reap what you sow.
Funny how many gents in this thread talk about their need to 'protect' themselves from crossing the line. Trust me, if you are protecting yourself you have very little need to worry about any woman (not just a provider) attaching themself to you - you can't attach yourself to something that's not there...
No way she gets to do this without providing. Would she trade all this for love? Fat chance is my guess
.
-- Modified on 6/30/2017 5:13:52 PM
I think any guy coming to p2p looking for love, is looking in the wrong place.
Any provider who can remotely do her job correctly is going to give me some kind of feeling.
And most sane providers are going to enjoy being treated right, while getting paid for her time.
Why are love threads here so common.
I doubt if the majority of humans have actually ever felt the sensation of love.
Most people just seem to tolerate their mate so they are not alone.
Yes, I'm the guy who believes love does not actually exist.
It surely can not be defined.
This reply is off-base. Of course falling in love is involuntary. But there are positions we can put ourselves in with a higher likelihood of falling.
If II can't wake up one day and decide to fall love, at least I can wake up and decide to engage people to whom I'm attracted instead of avoiding people and brooding like a misanthrope. If I was in a line of work--say, Catholic priest--where falling in love is discouraged, I could quit. Those are just f'rinstances.
He asks would she trade her life in the hobby for love, meaning either would she stop so she could leave herself more open to falling in love, or if she fell in love would she stop. Which is an entirely different issue.
Not that you can't have both love and the hobby. But the above poster is assuming, I think, that the hobby is getting in the way of her finding love. Or he's assuming the hobby will be in the way should she fall in love. Perfectly reasonable assumptions, though neither necessarily true.
In any case, love being beyond our choice is neither here nor there. What he's really getting at is that he thinks the hobby is more important to her than love, despite what she says. I wouldn't know.
This reply is off-base. Of course falling in love is involuntary. But there are positions we can put ourselves in with a higher likelihood of falling.
With regards your comment about him asking if she would give up providing for love (or a chance at it) we disagree again. He suggests the things she wants cannot be procured UNLESS she is a provider - that ultimately he believes she cannot have both. Again, I disagree. Again, based on the experiences I shared
-- Modified on 6/30/2017 7:20:47 PM
I saw my very first provider a couple of years ago is a very experienced MILF who I`m sure has been around the the hobby world many times. After our session we had some time left and chatted at my kitchen table. She gave me many tips on how things worked in the game. Watch out for this, stay away from that etc. One thing this sage said that really made an impression and has stuck with me ever since was:
"The biggest mistake that guys make in this hobby is falling in love with a provider!! This is a one way ticket to HELL and I see it all the time. Promise me you will program yourself to never let this happen, not ever and I won`t.
I still contact her to this day for advice and she`s always got the right answers for me. Lucky me
Great advice. You were fortunate to have received it early on in your pursuit of the Hobby. But here's how it can happen even if you are experienced in the Hobby. You meet someone and it just feels different from all the previous times you've engaged in this Hobby. You make an appointment for the next day. You text back and forth between appointments as you continue to see her on a regular basis. You spend a lot of OTC time with her. You don't see any other providers. Before long you are completely infatuated (not to be confused with love) but you may think it's love. At this point she probably notices your meetings are becoming too personal and that she's not just your all time favorite.. One of two things will now happen; She will either suggest you stop seeing her or if she happens to feel an attraction to you, she may decide that she wants to have a relationship. If its the latter, you both discuss it and decide to move forward. You stop paying her and she offers BBFS. This of course cements the bond you both are developing and it's off to the races.... Before you know it you are divorcing your wife and moving in with your escort lover.. The romance is passionate in the beginning, but eventually the reality of the situation your in hits home and it all falls apart. I suppose in some cases this story has a happy ending. I suspect in most cases it does not..
So yes love happens, but unless you want to end up in the above scenario, you have to guard against it while pursuing this Hobby
But for us poor miserable humans that just doesn't work. I've had in deep, passionate love twice in my life. Neither time did I see a kill switch on my emotions just waiting to be flipped. There's a reason they call it emotion.
So just received an email from the provider in question. The net is that she said she wasn't getting enough "support"..and while she listed emotional/moral, her examples were financial. And so mentioned that if I were to send her $2k she might consider seeing me again (smile).
So yes, was a definite noob, and you were all right in terms of her primary motives which really came through clearly. In fact, unfortunately, I was diagnosed two weeks ago with the beginnnings stages of prostrate cancer (definitely family history) and though I relayed that to her as well earlier, no comment (I'll be fine, caught it soon enough). But her email really drove home the fact of the money.
So I was wrong, foolishly so, and all of your comments were extremely helpful; bottom line, its a business and I won't let it happen again. I don't want to discourage others who may find success but for me..it was so much easier just when I was a client.
I might me immature, ok I am most definitely immature, but I don't lie to myself and neither should you.
You are also wrong to think that "love" never happens in this business, it does happen and it's even happened to me a couple of times, but the key is to learn the difference between a hooker who loves your money and one who likes/loves you. It's not that hard to tell after you've done it a while, you just have to be completely objective when evaluating your "relationship" with a hooker.
(smile).. agreed.. maybe it does indeed happen.. I definitely don't have enough time under my belt and like you said, objectivity is the key.. lol..this has been an interesting ride..thanks Ga!
Very well said!! When you let your emotions run wild it's easy to lose objectivity. This is another case where there's truly "no substitute for experience."
since you are now a sadder Budweiser boy.
(Yes, I know that I will roast in hell for that one.)
LOL!! you won't roast in hell..at least I don't think lol!!! actually it was great to receive the email.. I was kind of past her already and this just cemented it and confirmed what everyone else was saying when I first started the thread. I think what was also interesting was that it showed a bit of arrogance and conceit .. (would at times say her body was very special).. totally different perspective on her but its a good thing... live and learn.. lol (and I don't like Bud..sorry..I'll go with some water though..we both may need it in hell..lol)
... and make the humor gods hopping mad.
(Who am I kidding, a bad pun is good for what ales ya.)
Leaves a sane person to question your psychological abilities.
Why would a SW feel the same way a client would feel about her?
SW, by design, are supposed be objects of desire, the client's money, by design is the SW object of desire.
Don't you get it? Guys and gals p2p for two different reasons.
Being a noob, does not explain a person's ignorance as to why p2p is a concept.
Did you really read all of the responses in the thread before you put out your uninformed response? Go back and read, and maybe I'll respond but show some intelligence first, otherwise you're just wasting my time.
Ok I know it's not really lucky to find out someone you have feelings for just wants your money (been there done that too). But you are fortunate to know this about her BEFORE your bank account and your emotional health are both wrecked. You may even still have feelings for her but at least the scales are off your eyes. Have a cold one on me.
when it comes to Love? Just because they're providing sexual services for money somehow makes them tainted when it comes to falling in love with them. Well I strongly disagree with that. Two providers I'm seeing I spend a lot of OTC time with them. One invited me to a July 4th fireworks show in her town. When you get to know these girls you find that they're just like every girl not in this business.
Its the hobbyists that think providers are in love with them that are flawed. Its my 95%/5% rule mentioned earlier on this thread. In other words, only 5% of the hobbyists that think the love affair is mutual are correct. For the other 95%, its just an illusion and totally one-sided.
Most providers will give OTC time to a guy booking two hours a week. Some of the less-busy girls will do it with a regular customer who books one hour a week. So OTC time is not all that rare. I can name fifty guys I know in LA that are getting some OTC time this weekend, including me.
You know this for sure? Really? Somehow I highly doubt that.
But I know 50 guys getting OTC time with "A" provider. Its not that many when you consider there are thousands of hobbyists and at least a thousand providers in SoCal where I hobby, which includes LA, SD, OC and Inland Empire.
Sorry if this fact makes you feel less special. It was not my intention. Just wanted to put things in perspective.
-- Modified on 7/1/2017 10:33:34 PM
Hell no I'm not Special. I treat the two providers I like with Respect and Courtesy. I'm Friendly with them. Never Rude or Pushy. With the first provider all I wanted was to play and leave. Somehow after seeing her on a regular basis we became friends. I didn't intend to be this Friendly with her. It just happened. The second one I'm seeing was the same thing. I saw her just a few times. Then it turned into a friendship with her. The second provider is super gorgeous. She invited me to a local July 4th Fireworks Show in her area. Am I going? Oh Hell Yeah I'm going with her. And it's not costing me any money to go with her.
that its not all that difficult to get OTC time with a one or more providers, so I'm confused why you "doubted" that I might know 50 guys in a place the size of SoCal that are also getting OTC time? Just like with you, its not that rare. That's why it threw me when you questioned the accuracy of my post.
-- Modified on 7/1/2017 9:53:20 PM
I haven't paid much attention to his handle or posts before, so I don't really know him. He just sounded to me like one of these guys from rural Jawbone Junction, Idaho, that thinks they "discovered" OTC time and nobody else knows about it yet, so I felt compelled to speak up. This new format has me responding to guys I haven't ever talked to before because I wouldn't have opened their posts to even read what they said in the classic TER mode. I usually would just skip to all of you "usual suspects" to find something interesting to comment on, but now everyone's posts are visible. The jury's still out on whether I like it or not.
I read your post about her misgivings realted to you cruising the site supposedly to watch for her reviews. It gets unhealthy...and there are certainly gents who are so intoxicated by this type of on demand temporary relationship if only for one brief encounter that I can see her point. Being the lover of a provider without a doubt takes a special kind of guy...but the struggle is no lessthe other way around.
It sounds to me like she was trying a seeking arrangement type situation with you rather than a hourly thing. Perhaps she thought you were a potential anchor for her girlfriend since you feel she was so focused on that?
Time will heal the wounds...take your battle scars and be the wiser man. Have fun and move forward.
I'm not sure where this friendly relationship I have with these two providers is going. But like the title to a Sheena Easton song, "So Far So Good." Personally I hope it lasts a long time. If not or when it ends there's always other providers to play with.
Recently my new young provider introduced me to her mom and close family friend. I'm pretty sure from this my new young provider likes me.