Recently met with a provider and she was funny as fuck. She even did a split!!!! Naked!!!!! Went cross eyed too out of the blue with arms in the air. Just laughs, giggles and a playful experience all around. Lol.
She had funny monger stories too. She said a guy once thought thought he was helping and picked up another guys condom off the floor trying to help clean up. Another guy accidentally threw his condom in his own shoe and found out the hard way. Sheesh. Anybody have any funny stories. I'll start...... I hate to admit it but I walked in the door and saw really cute provider. Played it cool. Said hi and place my coat on her stand alone coat rack. Conveniently located next to the door. Nice. Looked over and BAM!!!! Seen another guy and nearly had a heart attack and jumped!!! Turned out she had a mirror next to her door. Wtf. Absolutely ridiculous. She knew and chuckled and I was red and embarrassed. Lol. Anybody have any funny stories?I was with a provider once and after our session she went tto clean up in the bathroom. Lo, the toilet began to overflow. I heard her squeal, and rushed in to find her on hands and knees trying to stem the overflow.
Of course, I shut off the water and threw down all of the towels, and we wound up dancing together naked on towels to soak up the water.
Naked towel dancing.
Never forget it!
as she was lying face up on a massage table. The cum ricocheted off her face onto the floor, but when I went to mop it up later, I found it mostly landed on my suede shoes, permanently staining them. I still have those shoes. They're my lucky hobby shoes.
I've also seen a man with literally no penis.
Micropenis is a bitch lol.
How small is a "micropenis"?
It was inverted. In other words, when he opened up his legs, the spot where the dick was supposed to be looked like a belly button.
Ouch! Genetics is a motherf#cking bitch.
Was the 3-nipple guy in an old Bond movie? :P
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Maybe his name was Scaramanga (awfully close to ScaraMONGER!)?
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And did he call his penis "Golden Gun"?
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Inquiring mongers want to know. :P
For those of you with Total Recall:
I was with my former ATF at a cigar lounge in Beverly Hills. She rarely wore a bra, never wore panties and had on a tight dress this particular evening. We went upstairs to the loft, no one was up there and sat down on the sofa. Without any prompting she straddles me with her back to the stairs, pulls out her enhanced double Ds, shoves them in my face and starts to grind. I closed my eyes for a few seconds and when I opened them, there was a couple standing at the top of the stairs. The guy gave me a big smile and a wink and led his lady back down the stairs.
MfSD>>>>
A 19yo provider who I'd seen 4-5 times, was giving me bbbj. She required I warn her just as I was about to come, and she'd finish me on her tits. When we 1st met she insisted no cumming on my face EVER! On one occasion she pulled me from her mouth, but before she could 'aim' me, the first spurt went straight up one of her nostrils. She had been on all-fours above me on the bed. On impact she sprang from the bed like a cat & said " Oh God..." Then hurried to the bathroom. Meanwhile I'm thinking "shit, this date's over." A couple mins later she returned, sat at edge of the bed, looked me in the eye & said "that was nasty" Then giggled and snuggled with me.
I went on a long bike ride in the AM. Saw my then atf in the afternoon. What a mistake. I got behind her for doggy and boom. Massive cramps in both legs. I ended up falling off if the bed. We tried to continue but any wrong move would start the cramps again. Embarrassing and what a waste.
Obviously I don't know exactly what happened, but from what you've said here I see no reason it had to be a waste.
CG, RCG, ACG, BBBJ, lazy dog, 69, possibly mish, etc etc. Adapt and overcome bro. Don't be embarrassed, we're all human.
Yes. A waste. It was a situation where any wrong move would trigger massive painful cramps. We tried but no go. At least I got to see her several times before she got married. Lol
Oh. That sucks. For some reason I thought you were saying you just kept trying to doggie. LoL.
Electrolytes bro. LoL!
Ok, I was running a few minutes late due to traffic. I got to the location and couldn’t find a parking spot. I noticed a parking garage and wheeled in. Text that I had arrived and went and had a great appointment. When I went back to get my car I found the garage was now closed. Steel fence now separated me from my vehicle. I looked around only to realize I had parked in a Mormon church parking garage. Building was completely closed and no phone number to call. For two hours I used my phone to try an contact someone from the church to help me get my car out. I reached several people connected to the church including the wife of the guy running the place. She was very helpful and gave me her husbands number to call. Nobody was available to come and open the garage. As I had already said two hours had past and it was starting to get to the point where I was going to need to call an Uber to just get out of the area. Wasn’t sure how I was going to explain where my car was to my wife though. At this point from around the corner two young men in white shirts and ties with bibles appeared. I was never so happy to see two Mormons in my life!
I asked if by some chance did they have access to the garage and they did.
Moral of this story. Think before you park...........