I've never had anything as catastrophic as wine all over my khakis, but hearing about it makes me want to keep a spare pair in my go-bag...

The closest I've got to that was a few months ago me and this tinderella civvie girl I was seeing were going at it at my place, and I had done it up, candles and the whole lot and at some point we knocked a candle off the headboard, which promptly spilled wax all over the carpet of course, but somehow it spilled in such a way to completely saturate my USB hub which lives next to my bed that I use as a phone/gadget charger.

The carpet was simple enough to clean, the hub charger was a complete loss.

If you're curious, or otherwise need to charge a ton of devices at once, I've linked to the hub I'm currently using, it works great. Also, pro tip, if you're going to burn candles on a headboard, make sure they're not colored wax.

in missionary, and we were thrusting back at each other intensely, with long strong strokes, both completely lost in rapture, when I accidentally pulled all the way out on an upstroke.  She said, "Oh shit, Noooo" and put me back in.  I said, "Sorry, I thought I was longer."  We both started laughing uncontrollably to where I lost my wood.  We kept laughing every time we tried to start up again.  Fortunately, it was a two hour session, and this happened on the second pop, so I was good with calling it a day.  We kidded each other about that over the next few months.  The next several times as we started to insert, she would say something like, "Do you want me to scoot closer so you don't fall out?"   I would reply with something like, "No, just tie a small weight to the head."  It was a good laugh for a long time.  

I had a hot spinner sitting RCG on my face, and then she leaned over a little to give me better access to her clit and then pressed down with both hands on my stomach and pushed all of the gas noisily out of my ass.  I immediately said, "did you have to do that right in my face?"  She said, "It wasn't me!"  I said, "It wasn't me!"  We both started laughing and had to start over.

I was seeing a lady for the first time here in SD.  We had advanced beyond the preliminary stages and we're now going at it for the sake of a better word.  Here's my description in the review.

"I crawled up next to her as she pulled off my boxers and slid on a condom. What? Previous reviewers said BBBJ....anyway; she got me hard as a rock with a CBJ, looked up and said, “how do you want me?” I said, “doggie”.

She got on her knees and I went to town. As I’m banging away, the room door opens with "housekeeping" and it’s the cleaning crew here to service the room....oh swell! She bolts off my dick and runs to the door, stopping them just in the nick of time.

She shushes them out of the room, this time locking the door with both the deadbolt and latch chain. Mind you, I’m still on my knees not having moved an inch. She crawls back on the bed, gets down on all four and slides backwards until my cock is once again buried in her sweet little kitty. Not a word has been spoken between us. Thanks to a Cialis, my dick was still hard so, I continued pounding away until the inevitable happened and I popped into the bag.

Heather got up and brought a moist cloth to bed, removed the condom and cleaned up my crotch with an ice cold towel....yikes, I wasn’t expecting that.

True story.....

Ice cold towel wtf...

Why?  I prefer a warm towel por favor.

That time I caught my hair on fire

I had a gentleman text me that he was 2 minutes away, so I prepared to meet him downstairs (my private place). I noticed my garter strap had come unattached, so I bent over to reattach it. I propped my leg up on a low table and bent over to fix the strap (behind my leg, of course. never the easier to reach front strap, lol.) and didn't realize that my hair was dipping right into the lit candle on the table that shared my propped-up leg. In fact, it wasn't until I realized that part of my hair was ablaze (damn garters!) which was a.) frightening bc, well my head is also there, and b.) AWFUL smelling! I mean truly, really awful smelling. Burnt hair... yack! As I smacked the flame out and thanked heaven I survived the ordeal, my phone pinged for the third time letting me know that I now had a fella at my door patiently waiting to be let in. I dashed downstairs and let him in, garter still unattached and hair freshly restyled a'la flame. In the elevator, his nose wrinkled and he asked what that "pungent smell" was... which I sheepishly had to admit was in fact, emanating from my own head of hair. I explained the ordeal and he was thankfully SO gracious about it. We had a good laugh before a shower.

-- Modified on 4/2/2018 1:41:56 PM