I have to ask, do you any of you married guys that have or are thinking about being with a provider feel guilty?  If yes, why? I've been married a long time, the old "bedroom dept." is way stale, beyond stale to be honest.  I am not ever going to leave my marriage, so is it such a bad thing to want to be with a provider who give us no strings attached enjoyment and to enjoy that part of my life with someone other than my wife from time to time?  Any hobbyist (married or not) or provider insights would be most appreciated...thanks~

We are all here to be happy joyous and free.We are also physicial beings and  according to Freud and Young in their pyramid of life utmost neccessaties" FOOD,SHELTER,CLOTHING..and Yes that's right XXX,  you have guessed correctly! Many hobbyist, after they visit with us go home to their mates with mixed feelings,  feeling happy, mischievious and guilty, yet  because of this they treat their mates with more love. That is a good thing! Providers offer new excitement and adventure, almost all realtionships become boring after several years in the physical department...A good p-flick and swinging could fix that. But this would take 2 open minds!!! Ask yourself this..does seeing any of us bring more happyness into your life? Do you beat yourself up afterwards ? Has societies believe system influenced you and restricted your thinking and actions to make yourself happy? Choose happyness always...Starina

I think the food, clothing, shelther and sex guy was Maslow, but in any event you and I need a generous and varied portion of it to be "self actualized" (his word, not mine). As always, I'll enjoy and apreciate you comments and replies. My e-mail is [email protected]

Guilt is such a wasted emotion. Manogomy is a concept that was created to controll. Those that practice it successfully want that controll in their lives. Its not that it is a negative thing. But some people are just not made for a strict lifestyle. If you feel guilt over seeing a provider then maybe you should re-examine your marital relationship. Ask yourself why you are choosing to partake in this hobby, when did the idea appeal to you. Sometimes inflection can help solve your own riddles. What I would like to know is, do most of the married men who partake in the hobby have the same open view for their spouses to connect with a male sex worker?? Just wondering if the old addage "whats good for the goose is good for the gander" lol
~Malissa~

God only if she would!

But i try avoid seeing the married providers (ie if i KNOW they are married i go elsewhere) however if i dont know for sure i dont worry about it.

wierd yeah ( you wouldnt believe the crap i get sometimes)

but oh well

No guilt here when I was married (div since 1993. Seemed like my old lady liked sucking dicks on Frito-Lay truckers. Tit for tat. No regrets.

I believe it was Charlie Sheen, who, after being exposed in the media for his "habits", said, "I don't pay them for sex, I pay them to go away afterwards".  That kinda says it all.

I speak with experience here as I've hobbyied in Phoenix for over 3 years now and I've struggled with guilt almost every time.  I've even taken breaks from the hobby because of how guilty I've felt with her.

Why do I feel guilty?  Because if she knew what I was doing, it hurt her tremendously.  As someone else wrote, what if she were hobbying?  If she were hobbying, I'd be hurt too.  

Why do I hobby?  Because my wife can't have sex and won't do other stuff to satisfy my needs.  She's not handicap, just has similar problems to victims of child molestation.  

Why don't I get a divorce?  Because I'd feel guilty for the rest of my life for leaving her.  

I still feel like a dick, but I'm a pragmatist now.  Contrary to popular belief, seeing a provider actually keeps me married.  I get my needs met with no strings attached.  I would much prefer to be in a marriage that was open and the sex was healthy, etc.  Unfortunately, my cards weren't dealt that way to me.

Hope this helps,
MoneyMan

Come on gals make MoneyMan feel better.

Yes, I feel guilty.
I feel guilty because I promised my wife I would be faithful and I am not.  I have to lie to be in a position to hobby and I have to lie about the money.  That money could be sitting in Enron stock right now so we retire together. (oops)  No, but it could be doing something to our mutual advantage.  

My wife loves sex, I love sex, I just don't love it with her.

I justify it because hobbying out of town is better than having an affair in town but it still doesn't make it right.  I can't leave my wife right now for my own reasons (kids) and now I have an ATF so it is just like having an affair except I get to pay for it.

To say it's ok to do whatever you want that makes you feel better without regards to other people's feeling strikes me as being extremely self centered and I struggle with it.

My .02

I concur Orthodx....It's a tough spot to be in and I too feel like caca...I don't and can't justify, however, the only silver I hang to is it is truley better than having a "real" affair with a non-provider...The no strings attached helps me in some way to get over the guilt.

Like I said, it is a very difficult position...But it is only sex!

Practice the great Eastern philosophy and STAY IN THE MOMENT!
Be Zen-like.  Guilt is a wasted emotion and if you can't stay in the moment, you are doomed in discovery IMO.

I feel bad for you married guys.    If you have an open realtionship cool.  If what your doing is not right for you then get your head shrunk so that your life can fit your life style.  Because guilt is very destructive to you and to your family.