Newbie - FAQ
It is never okay to discuss payment or money, and would not be appropriate to offer to barter services in this hobby. You must read ahead to ensure you understand her rate structure, and then proceed to pay by having that exact amount sitting out in an envelope when she arrives (or set it down discreetly when you arrive). There is no place in this exchange for any mention of the donation, and even if there were a tactful way to bring it up (which there is not), it would not be appropriate for a client to offer. One could only know that a woman needed a specific service if she told you this herself; you couldn't just assume she needed something. And certain services cannot be offered in this context for reasons of discretion- things like filing taxes, taking photos, etc. may very rarely be exchanged once a client and provider have known each other for a long time, but generally this compromises the discretion for both parties and compromises the boundaries of the relationship between client and provider. So, to sum it up, the only way to approach the payment aspect is per the individual provider's website, but as a general rule, one cannot negotiate the price, nor barter for non-cash services.
I also wrote a post about tips for contacting a provider for the first time. I would definitely advise a gent to take a good look around TER- read a few reviews to get an idea of how that process works, some posts on the newbie/FAQ board, etc. There are certain things you need to know about the hobby before proceeding to make a date with a provider. Much of that can be found on her site, but I still advise anyone thinking about it to read up on the hobby more generally before initiating contact with a specific woman. Here is the list of additional suggestions I wrote:
1. Read her site thoroughly (not just the pictures! 
) and be sure to provide all the screening info that is being asked for. We get so many emails; we don't have time to prod and probe to get the most basic of screening information. Offer it up and you're more likely to get a prompt response and/or an appointment, as she will know that you have done your research and are serious.
2. Be polite and friendly, but don't use specifics or words such as- oral, gfe, sex, etc. We know why you're emailing us, but putting it in these terms makes us suspicious. Be sure you have read her reviews and have a general idea of what she offers, but never assume that you will receive something and do not ask her to promise specific services in exchange for money- that is illegal.
As an independent provider who schedules her own appointments, I personally like a bit of a personal touch, a general introduction, etc. in the initial contact, but some ladies may prefer shorter or more business-like initial contacts, especially through an agency or booking service.
3. Suggest more than one day or time that might work, if available. She'll be much more likely to be able to accommodate you if you offer two or three possibilities. Also, she will know that you are serious and have planned ahead. If you don't have a specific date or time in mind, it's often a good idea to suggest days of the week and/or general times of day that tend to be best, and let her know how long you want to see her for as well- a dinner date requires different planning and scheduling than a one-hour appointment.
4. Contact her in advance if you can- I generally book about a week out and feel that the sooner you contact her, the better. You are more likely to get your preferred time; she is more likely to have time to check references and feel comfortable with you. However, some ladies may not be able to commit to bookings more than a few weeks or so out, so I would advise 1-3 weeks in advance as the ideal time frame (closer to one week for shorter dates, and more like two to three weeks for longer encounters), but no longer than a month as we may not know our exact schedule that far ahead.
5. Pay attention to how she prefers to be contacted, whether agency or independent. Don't waste your time emailing her if she operates by phone, or vice versa. If she has a contact form, fill out ALL the required fields. In addition, if a woman is represented by an agency or a secretary, pay attention to their requirements for contact and screening.
6. Don't assume that because you've contacted her or filled out a form that you have made an appointment. You need to hear back from her to confirm it. Generally there will be several emails back and forth before a date and time is settled upon, and she will also need time to check your screening info, so be patient. That said, if you wait more than 3-4 days for an initial response, it's not unheard of to send a polite second email asking her if she received your initial one. However, don't email her every day or demand a response within a specific time frame. If you feel she is taking too long to respond, move on to someone else and maybe try her again down the road if you are still interested. In my opinion, checking and responding to my business email account is a huge part of my job, and if a lady consistently ignores business emails from clients (given that they are polite and provide all the requisite information), it can be a sign of unprofessional conduct or unreliability. On the other hand, if you don't hear back, don't assume the worst- she could be dealing with a health or family issue or out of town on a personal or work-related trip. Or go back and re-read your email- if you have come across in a way which is disrespectful or suspicious she will not respond. Make sure you have been polite and given her all the info she will need to work with you.
7. Once your appointment is scheduled, sit back and enjoy the delicious anticipation!! If you schedule more than a day or two in advance (as you hopefully will), most ladies will contact you by email or phone to confirm on the day before or the day of the appointment. Every lady does this differently, so ask her if and how she will confirm with you or check her website and reviews for such details. However, don't expect her to email or call you daily or regularly in between setting the appointment and meeting in person. Just like your therapist or your personal trainer, we are professionals- we set appointments and we keep them, and expect you will to, without constant reminders and updates. However, as stated, it is generally common courtesy to confirm and check in with you on the day before or day of the date, and if you don't hear from her or she doesn't do confirmations, you can feel free to email or call her (whatever her preferred means of communication) to say hello and confirm the date yourself.
continued in 2nd post
-- Modified on 10/10/2008 2:31:15 PM