Everyone is different, so I’ll leave it at that. Using condoms cuts the risk of std’s.

That's Your Mileage May Vary and in this instance, it means everyone is different in how they deal with these issues.Some guys feel no guilt while indulging in p4p and others, myself included, keep out of p4p while engaged in a committed relationship.

For me, part of it is dealing with guilt and part of it is not wanting to lie to someone whom I love -- so if things aren't going well and not being capable of being "fixed" to the point where both of us are happy, I will end the relationship (or she does). Once I'm no longer in a relationship and I can give myself some time to recover, I feel free to see some ladies in p4p Land.

Not saying this is the best solution for everyone, but it works for me -- and has since 1992.

good luck!

You clearly state that the issue is sex and not intimacy, romance, or other issues. You might consider starting with a massage with a happy ending (HE; aka hand job HJ). That can provide relief in the form of release and a limited amount of intimacy. (Although the extent of the massagee - masseuse interaction is highly variable.)  If you go MP - HE but are overwrought with guilt and can't even handle the MP - HE experience you should step away for a while and try again later (or maybe never try again).  
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There have been a couple of posts recently about making an arrangement with a GFE FS provider but not wanting to go all the way. That is also an option. More intimate that a MP but you only go as far as you want to go (as long as it is within and not beyond her limits).  
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The guilt issue might be better dealt with with a psychologist or counselor.  

For me, the only fear I had starting out was getting ripped off or locked up. So P411 and TER were the answer for me in minimizing the risks. Now, I'm loving this lifestyle and really have no concerns, other than getting lazy and not doing my research. Which when you think about isn't that much of a issue.

As long as you maintain your commitments at home to support and spend time with your spouse and children, then how does seeing an escort for an hour a week interfere with that?   Combine that with the fact that your wife isn't keeping to her commitments, then why occasional sex with another is such a big no-no is beyond me.

 
And as for religion, isn't the Bible chock full of harlots and concubines, etc.?   You don't hear anyone ragging on the old Bible guys for that, do you?   (Some even say that Jesus's girl friend was a provider!)

My wife declines any form of intimacy: touching, cuddling, kissing & especially sex.   No matter what she says, it's not going to happen.   If she was willing to uphold her commitment then so would I.  So I do what I want.  Zero guilt.      

I agree that everyone is different or YMMV. I love my SO and I have no guilt about seeing providers and I don't have a problem with my wife not fucking like others who post here.

STDs is a risk. I always use a cover while fucking but only see providers who offer BBBJ. It's a risk I take. I only do DATY and DATO while drinking and drunk, respectively. Again, everyone is different or YMMV.

It seems like you really care about your SO or you wouldn't be asking these questions. My advise to you would be to try it out. But don't fall in love with one off these hookers and don't treat your wife differently because you're getting some from a young  
(or old) hot , whore, who you pay for service.

Try to view p4p as just two adults having some consensual adult fun together. It's not an affair. You're not giving your heart to these providers (right?).  

Perhaps the bigger issue is not "cheating" per se, because you're not going to be taking anything away from your spouse (she doesn't want it).  Maybe it's the deceit?  I understand that. In the end, consider everyhing and everyone involved and decide if seeing providers is better than suffering in silence--and what effect that suffering is having on your marriage.  I'll bet it's not helping.  

I can tell you that p4p made my marriage better and led to some breakthroughs that greatly improved our relationship. And one day, maybe your wife will come to the realization mine did, that it really is "just sex", she's the one you love, and she'll give you her blessing to seek "professional help"... as long as you're discreet, play safe, and don't fall in love with anyone else.

But... if you're not sure you can play with beautiful, sexy women and not fall in love with them, and you love your wife... try something else--cold showers, vigorous exercise, stamp collecting, self-help 😉 etc.

-- Modified on 11/14/2017 8:24:51 PM

play games with your mind re. commitment.

As Mrfisher said, all you are doing is taking an hour or so per week/month or whatever time period you can handle and satisfying a male need for satisfaction. Try a FBSM or maybe some limited GFE with a BBBJ ending rather than FS if that would make you feel any better. Life is too short--enjoy!

I've tried FBSM a few times and enjoyed it.  I do get a little guilt right after but it doesn't really last because FBSM seems fairly harmless and low-risk.  

I have thought about moving to FS for a long time and haven't pulled the trigger yet.  haven't been able to get comfortable with the STD risk yet, but I see so many people online here with tons of reviews and tons of experience who don't get STDs, so maybe common sense can really lower the risk.  

There are so many things I want to try - different types of women, threesomes, different fetishes etc.  I really hope I can jump into the deep end eventually.  I was a virgin when I married and our sex life was never anything but vanilla.  I am dying to earn new things and have better, more fun and adventurous sex.  

I made an appointment with a hot lady that has a great history of very positive reviews.  
I think I am going to start slow.....massage and maybe CBJ - just to get my feet wet (well, not my feet).  If that goes well, then maybe I'll book another appointment and go further.  I just hope that the lady doesn't mind a non-fs session.

I just want to see how I feel after the appointment.  I wish I could just jump right in, but that's just not me.

Surprisingly, many couples find seeing a provider together puts a lot of the spice back in the relationship. It can be a little nerve racking at first to think about but if you find the right woman who specializes in working with couples, who is respectful of boundaries and open to hearing your thoughts and limitations, it can be quite an amazing and rewarding experience for the both of you. If you think she is possibly open to the idea you should look into it together. That way you don't have to feel guilty about cheating and instead possibly open a whole new window to your sex life! Something to think about Good luck to you!

I went through with my appointment.  The provider was as hot as her photos suggested, so I was pleased by that.  A CBJ is as far as I went.  I was tempted to do more, but I have this major fear of catching something that really stops me from fully enjoying the moment.  I just worry that if I got an STD, that would be the surest way of getting caught by the wife, and that would be the end of the marriage.   How do you married guys deal with the STD risk?  Am I making too much of a big deal out of it?

My wife and I don’t have sex or even kiss anymore. So other than covered FS which is really a must for everyone, I don’t worry too much about kissing and BBBJ.  

But if u are active sexually with ur wife and care to keep that relationship and it sounds like u do, I’d stick to CFS and CBJ. Bringing something home would be just devastating all around I am sure. Even if the risk is low the consequence is too high for the risk IMO.  

BTW FBSM with just a handy finish or COB is pretty much as good as anything IMO and super safe. I’d recommend if u can get that some time.

For the first question you need to separate the idea of sex and love. In our society we often intermingle them which causes for unnecessary angst. Sex is a physical need and desire. You of course can love someone you are having sex with, but you can very easily have sex with someone you do not love. You have a physical need for sex like you do for food and water. You can very much love someone that you take out to lunch, but also can have an awesome lunch with someone you just met.  
I have been in this business for awhile and have never caught anything. Has anyone? Yes, I am sure it has happened, but in general the risk is low as long as you are using a condom. I also shower after every client and make sure my "lady parts" are clean. I think it is just kind of common sense: if your lady of the night looks clean and smells clean, you should be fine.