Am I being unreasonable?
Recently I was contacted by TER member for an appointment. His number of reviews impressive. Over 40 reviews between 2013 and 2015. No reviews after 2015. Has a white list of just 2 providers, one given in 2017, one given 2015.
His one whitelist he was given in 2017 has no review. His one whitelist given 2015 he did review.
After looking all, I just not comfortable with such a good number of review yet none in 2 years. He reply he can only review once so nothing new. He did offer other references but again nothing from anytime new, how do I know they provider even remember him correctly. I am sure i offend him but I just was not comfortable.
I would have like ask this on PO board but do not have access there. So what are your opinions? Was I just too paranoid, is this common?
Christine
For years I saw 5-6 new providers each year and reviewed them, but for the last couple of years, I've seen regulars whom I didn't need to re-review. If he is still seeing his regulars, they ought to be considered legit references, so you may be too strict here.
Ultimately, it's your decision and you have to do what feel right for you.
I've only written 1 review this year. I've been very business with business, getting older and see regulars. Ultimately it's your decision.
... you might be passing up a great guy, but I learned a long time ago to never second guess that little voice inside your head that throws up a flag about a person or a situation. He'll live with the rejection. It's part of the hobby. Stay true to yourself and your instincts.
He might not be aware that he can review a provider more than once. It might be policy that the second review doesn't give him VIP days.
His two year gap might indicate that he dropped out of the hobby because he was busy with a relationship with a civilian girlfriend or even wife. Sometimes a provider will have a large gap in her reviews, even years without reviews, and it often means that she temporarily retired for the sake of a personal relationship.
That's what happened to me. I was out of the hobby from 2003 to 2009 because of a serious relationship. I joined TER in 2010, saw a few providers but didn't review anybody, then dropped out again when I got back together with my girlfriend in 2011. Then I rejoined TER last year and started seeing providers again.
I used TER several years ago. Then I didn't use it for several years. And now I use it once again (I didn't even remember the account information and had to get a new one when I started using TER again). I never posted on my previous/expired account. A few things to consider/my two cents ...
1) If I am in a serious relationship, then I will not see any escorts (similarly, if I ever do get married, then I will be faithful to my wife and I will not see any escorts, unless we discuss that topic and she is open to the idea).
2) Everyone interprets white lists differently. I have had a lady or two white list me because she wanted to see me again and/or because she wanted me to write a positive review and/or because I am just a nice guy. Some people think that it isn't appropriate to provide and/or ask for a white list unless you have seen a lady multiple times. Also, most agencies cannot white list guys. Additionally, ladies who do not have VIP accounts may not be able to white list a guy. Furthermore, some ladies have a policy of not white listing anyone (for such noble reasons as "white lists create a conflict of interest" or simply because "other guys may see that and start asking for one").
3) Right now, I don't have the time or desire to get into a serious relationship and I am enjoying the hobby. My only regret is that I would like to find a few ladies that I really connect with and become a regular. Not dating won't last forever, however. I am just focused on achieving various personal goals right now and don't have time for serious relationships. I could see a lot of guys and ladies going back and forth --- for a variety of reasons. So I wouldn't find a break of a year or longer all that abnormal.
Net, I would consider just sending him a PM with a few clarifying questions. Give him the opportunity to make you feel comfortable. Shift the burden to him. These sound like legitimate concerns. But concerns that could be allayed.
The way I read your post, his references had not seen him recently--is that right? How recently? And did you look only at white lists and reviews to tell how recently he'd seen these providers, or did he tell you?
I tend to do mostly repeats with a few fav providers of late, and my reviews and white lists for them (when I have them) are pretty old. But I think they're some of my best references because they know me really well, I've seen them recently, and I have recent P411 OKs for almost all of them. (You didn't mention P411 so that probably doesn't apply here.)
If he wasn't clear on how recently he's seen his references, you can ask him about that. I know many providers who won't give (or accept) references beyond a certain timeframe, eg 6 months.
As others have said, in the end you need to do what makes you feel safe and comfortable.
Thank you for the opinions.
As answer to a few questions asked. He had no P411, he did not contact me through PM on TER validate his account. Of the 40 or so reviews he had on his TER, the last was 2015. The one girl that whitelist him in 2017 he has no review ever for.
All that be said, perhaps I too paranoid. I did not consider seeing regulars, I did not consider perhaps a relationship and taking a break. I will consider that more in the future.
again thank you.
Christine
...to make sure it's really him. Or you can check if the email he sent you came from the email address he has listed with TER. Don't ask me how to do it, but supposedly it can be done.
...to make sure it's really him. Or you can check if the email he sent you came from the email address he has listed with TER. Don't ask me how to do it, but supposedly it can be done.
.
Tell him (via regular email) to post a reply to a thread with some specific info (secret code) that would be non-random and identifiable. E.g., "Reply to my thread with "It's really me. zqx059 [secret code number]." If he does not or says that he cannot ("I forgot my TER password.") then he is almost certainly a faker.
for gaps in reviews. Imposter gave you a way for this hobbyist to validate who he says he is, even without VIP.
Have you emailed or called any of the references he has given you for validation?
I sent reference requests to his two most recent reviews, and one that he suggested. None replied at all. Nothing positive or negative.
Christine
Nothing to do with being paranoid. As the others said, having a gap in reviews, (or even no reviews) may not be a reason to not see him if you can verify him in other ways. Also as mentioned, bottom line is it is still your decision, your gut feeling, and your comfort level that should determine whether you think you want to see him or not.
However, in this last post you made, you say that you didn't get any replies to your reference requests. Now that is an excellent reason to not see him, no matter all the other things you said.